[mirage] seen by Ducky mirage (mi räzh') n. an optical illusion, caused by the refraction of light, in which a distant object appears nearby A breath. It was a minute change in the pattern, a deeper, more abrupt intake that signified awakening. That signified life. Gravel stuck to Mamoru’s face as he pushed off of his asphalt bed. He blinked, his eyes taking in his surroundings, his mind trying to reconcile the change. Movement around him made him aware that the girls were wakening as well, eyes wild with confusion, almost on the verge of tears. It had seemed so real. He shivered. Rubbed his hands briskly against his arms. Lacking warmth. Lacking her warmth. Had it all been just a dream? Haruka stared at the pool of red before her, not quite comprehending what she was seeing. Blood, her mind finally realized. She couldn’t remember if it was her own. She lay there a while longer, taking silent account of her body, of her senses. What was broken, what was not. Her legs, her arms, her head, her heart. Especially her heart. She could still feel the warmth of Hotaru’s body squirming, laughing in her arms as the girl struggled free of her papa’s tickling fingers. None of that had happened since Michiru’s leaving. The giggling, the contact, the simple suffix of “papa.” Too grown up; grown too far apart. And, she could still feel another warmth, the gentle pressure of hands on her shoulders and lips against her temple ... |Haruka, I can’t do this| Abruptly, she pushed up unto her knees, nearly blacking out from the motion. A hand went to her head. It came back red. Wet with blood. Ah. So it is my blood. Haruka, you're hurt. You shouldn’t - A grunt accompanied her struggle to stand, repeating her own words in her mind ‘We’ll be at Michiru’s beach house.’ in an effort to drown out – hers - Head wounds are dangerous, Haruka! You might - It was in her eyes now, stinging sharply. She tried to wipe it away, but it only left her vision red. She felt her body swaying, but her feet still caught on to the ground. They’re waiting for us. Haruka! I can still fight, Michiru! So stop worrying and just - And then her feet were no longer catching on the ground. Red turned quickly and frighteningly to black. Haru - She was out before she hit the ground. Still. Again. [act 10: realization // begin] (He flew back from the force of the blow, tearing through clouds as he went.) (Michiru blinked, taking in her new surroundings.) (Realizing his manipulation.) (But rage gave way to concern once she laid eyes on Usagi’s slumped form.) (She ran.) ‘Usagi!’ (No answer.) (He appeared from above, coming down with stunning force, but Michiru dove for Usagi and dodged in time.) (‘How did you escape?!’) (Enraged and disturbed at her appearance.) ‘It was easy to see through your lies.’ (She spat out her words in disdain. Not taking kindly to having her mind being played with.) (He lashed out verbally and physically.) (Blows that would have felled any other person.) (‘It wasn’t a lie. It was your dream.’) (But she wasn’t any other person.) ‘It wasn’t real therefore it was a lie.’ (Michiru countered with her own blows, her own words, easily blocking, easily ducking away.) (Frustrating him.) (‘Dreams are real. People dream for happiness. Why is this not real?’) |hard to think with Haruka’s breath warm in her ear and lips pla| (Michiru shook her head free of the dream.) ‘You have to do more than dream about happiness to get it.’ (You’ll have to do more than that to keep me here.) (She landed another punch, hurling him backwards. Blood following his descent.) (His hand lifted to his face, brushing over the wetness. His face simultaneously amazed and horrified at the substance.) (‘So you settle for this?’) (He rubbed his fingers on a cloud. Disgusted.) (‘All you could ever need, ever want – every happiness you could possibly imagine could be yours right here!’) (Why couldn’t she understand?) ‘This isn’t happiness; it’s a lie.’ (Why couldn’t he understand?) ‘This place is just a mirage. No matter how hard you dream, you can never achieve true happiness.’ ‘The only way to be truly happy is to live.’ (‘And are you truly happy?’) (Goading her.) |i’m tired of doing things i regret| (But she would not be caught.) ‘Not yet. But I know I won’t be truly happy here.’ (Standing fast.) (‘What’s so wrong with wanting everyone to be happy?’) (Pleading.) ‘Nothing. But there’s a difference between wanting people to be happy and what you are doing.’ (She thought of Usagi.) (How different he and her were.) ‘You’re taking away their choices; you’re taking away their life.’ (Whereas she gave them choice; and life.) (‘But I’m giving them exactly what they dream of! No pain, no suffering – pure happiness!’) ‘You can’t know happiness if you don’t know pain.’ (‘YES, YOU CAN!’) (He screamed, believing manically in his own words.) (Michiru looked away. Sighed.) (It was no use arguing with him.) ‘Maybe you can.’ (She picked up Usagi.) ‘But I can’t. (And began to walk away.) It was a long walk to the beach house. They’d raided an empty drug store, patching, sewing and drugging themselves up before leaving the city limits. They of course left money for the supplies they’d used. They had tried to find tire treads in the dirt roads, some sort of evidence that Haruka had been through that area. But the light was fading and the ground was giving up no clues. They could only hope they’d be there when they arrived. (‘Wait! What – What do you think you’re doing?’) (It was an attempt to sound threatening, but panic was clearly evident.) ‘Taking her back.’ (Matter-of-factly.) (‘You can’t.) (Michiru gave him a look. Challenging him.) (She had come here of her own accord. She had broken through the dream. Had nearly broken him.) (She could very well break through the Ideal.) (He looked away, deflated, stymied. Tried again.) (‘She promised to help me.’) (Michiru resumed walking.) ‘Helping you is killing her.’ (‘But she chose to come here!’) (She stopped.) ‘What?’ (‘She did. She came to me.’) (Michiru started to shake her head, to deny that Usagi would ever take such action. (But the motion stopped before she began.) (Realizing.) (The girl in her arms shifted.) (Ocean blue slowly shifted down to look down at Usagi.) (Whose eyes reluctantly met her gaze.) ‘Is it true?’ (Holding breath.) (A slight nod of response.) (Exhaling.) (Michiru set her down gently, but Usagi refused to let go.) (Clinging, needing the warmth.) (The forgiveness.) (‘Michiru, I had to come. He took Ari and Rin – I couldn’t stand by while he took Yuki too.’) (‘I had to do something.’) ‘You should have told someone, Usagi.’ (Shoulders dropped.) (‘I know.’) (She looked away.) |Mamoru, covered in blood. Ami leaning heavily on Makoto. Hotaru battling on her own. Rei and Minako barely surviving. Haruka, surrounded.| (Closing her eyes painfully against the images.) (Softly.) (‘I know.’) (Michiru sighed.) (Laid a hand on Usagi’s.) (Warmth. Forgiveness.) (Just as Usagi had always forgiven them.) ‘Let’s go.’ (But Michiru only received an outcry from both Usagi and the Dream Weaver in response.) (She pinned the latter with a glare.) (Gentled her stare for the former.) (But not by much.) ‘You can’t help him. If we don’t leave now –’ (‘He’ll die!’) ‘And so will you.’ (Firmly.) (Usagi had to look away.) (Knowing it to be truth.) ‘You can’t save everyone, Usagi. As much as I know you wish it, you can’t.’ (Trying to be as gentle as she could.) ‘You have to think of who you’ll be leaving behind.’ (The stricken look in Usagi’s eyes almost made Michiru feel guilty, but she held her gaze.) (All that mattered was the mission.) |Think 16 again| (And her mission was to get Usagi home.) (If only Usagi would listen.) (‘I can’t just leave him here, Michiru.’) (Blue eyes pleading. It was how she had coerced them all to do so many things.) (But this would not be one of them.) ‘You are not responsible for him.’ (Trying to be gentle and calm.) (A twitch in her neck betrayed her frustration.) (‘Yes, I am! This is part of my duty as a Senshi, as it is yours.’) (Accusing. Desperate.) (Aqua curls jerked as Michiru shook her head.) ‘My duty right now is to protect you, Usagi. You are not safe here. You cannot stay.’ (‘He just wants to be happy.’) ‘At the expense of your life, Usagi!’ (Usagi flinched at her outburst.) (Michiru closed her eyes, taking a moment to calm herself.) (Softly. Honestly.) ‘Is his happiness so much more important than the happiness of the people you love?’ (Usagi looked away.) (Refusing to answer.) |Don’t be scared| (Because saying it would make it real.) |You used me| (That she had been wrong.) ‘He’s happy here. Let’s leave him to his happiness.’ ‘It’s time we returned to ours.’ (Michiru held out a hand to Usagi.) (Praying that she would take it.) (Usagi glanced back at the Dream Weaver. He had reverted back to a little boy.) |I’ll help you| (Her heart ached for him.) |I love you| (But her heart belonged to him.) (Would he understand if she left?) (She sighed.) (And took Michiru’s hand.) (‘Let’s go home.’) The beach house was eerily still when they arrived. They said nothing, but disappointment was evident in their stride, in how they avoided each other’s eyes. Electricity had yet to be restored. Shadows had followed them inside. They sat, stood, stretched out, scattered throughout the main room. Waiting. Waiting. (If only it were that simple.) (Usagi was cued to his desperation a thought before it happened.) (She whirled around, time enough to see him, aged, golden wild eyes, arms outstretched.) (Felt the prickle of his energy.) (Realizing his intent.) |you can’t save everyone, usagi| (Michiru had only then begun to turn, but she was already mouthing the words.) |as much as I know you wish it| (‘Maboroshi no ginzuishou, lend me your power’) |you can’t| (One last time.) [act 10: realization // end] Ducky November 18, 2006 – November 24, 2006