When Magical Girls Go Wrong R, part 2
Rated PG


     It was a beautiful morning in the Sailormoon neighbourhood.
     Won't you be my daimon's victim--er, neighbour?
     And since it was a bright school morning, Minako and Usagi
were nowhere in sight. But they'd be breaking the speed of sound
soon enough in racing to class. For the moment, Ami and Makoto were
strolling down the sidewalk, enjoying the peace & quiet as they
headed for Jyuban High School. 
     Yet there was an unexpected surprise awaiting them once they
walked through the front gates and entered the courtyard. Namely
the unexpectedly long line-up of Cosplaying females all patiently
waiting for their turn at a booth located near the front doors.
     "What is going on?" Makoto remarked in bewilderment.
     Ami shook her head and pointed to the sign over the booth.
"Does that answer your question?"

               MAGICAL GIRL INSTRUMENTALITY PROJECT
                         AUDITIONS TODAY!!!

     Makoto groaned. "Oh, not again."
     The two Senshi marched straight up to the booth, not surprised
in the least to find His lordship Chaos there, busy scribbling
things down on a clipboard as he talked to his latest potential
recruit.

His lordship Chaos: "Okay, I think that's all for now. We'll be in
contact with you soon about the bikini photo session, so don't get
stuck in any alternate universes between then and now."

Dejiko: ^-^ "Hai hai, nyo!"

Ami: "Just what are you doing?"

His lordship Chaos: "Auditioning for new magical girls. You can
never have too many. Hell, you've got ten Senshi for your own solar
system, and then a bunch of others too. Magical girls are like Lays
potato chips: you can never have just one."

Makoto: [bopping the author on the head] "Baka!"

His lordship Chaos: "What? They've all got the option to come and
audition dressed in a fuku...or nothing at all!"

Ami: [sweatdrop!] "Won't they be cold?"

His lordship Chaos: "This coming from a Senshi who spent the last
episodes of Season One in the middle of the frigid north, in a
flimsy skirt, and didn't seem to notice the freezing winds?"



                 WHEN MAGICAL GIRLS GO WRONG R!!!


        Part 2: Another Fine Dress You've Gotten Me Into 


     It was a beautiful spring morning. The birds were singing. The
air was blue and almost totally void of fluffy white clouds. And
the local union of oversexed demons were in a committee meeting,
debating which women's changeroom they should invade next.
     But life was not good for one otaku in particular. Namely me.
Why, you might ask? Well, had someone been paying attention to the
obligatory recap episode, I wouldn't have to be so redundant. Being
stuck as a guy in a magical girl's outfit doesn't make for a good
hobby to tell all your friends about. And this wig was murder on my
silky, natural turquoise-coloured hair.
     Yet namely because Tamagoyaki was for some reason allowed to
play with large incendiary devices, I was stuck running around and
fighting the unhappy meals of Dark Schnitzel. And while I went out
to do the easy stuff, like fight evil demon-possessed food and save
the world, Tamagoyaki did the really hard task of sprawling himself
on my couch and stuffing his face full of chocolate Pocky.


Chaos: [limping into the living room, slightly charred] "I gave up
a part-time job of being a roving intergalactic space pirate for
this?!"

Tamagoyaki: "Oh, quit your whining. I'm sure those are only third-
degree burns."

Chaos: [eyebrow twitch!] "Well if you had warned me beforehand
about that last monster being a chicken flambe youma...!!"

Tamagoyaki: "All I said was that the PBJ twins were in the mood for
some Cajun."

Chaos: "The youma doused me with hot sauce and then lit me on
fire!"

Tamagoyaki: ^^v "Now aren't you glad your fuku's made of asbestos?"


     On the other hand, I had one major problem: my fuku didn't
automatically repair itself whenever I de-transformed. So as a
result, if I got roasted in a battle it was up to me to sew my
uniform back together. Or to dry clean the scorch marks. Or to
remove the stains of various youma entrails off it. And that's to
say nothing of the ironing job I had to give it every day.
     Being a magical girl was a lot harder than just standing
around and waiting for the next obligatory victim to *cough*
coincidentally meet you.
     I was starting to wonder about what my friends would think
whenever I had to suddenly disappear, thanks to that handy little
magical beeper I have strapped to my belt. This is, by the way, one
of the few perks of being a magical girl I might add. You get your
own complimentary pager, a video cellular phone with great
reception, and a few other assorted gadgets.
     However...just make sure you don't make any long-distance
calls with the enchanted cell phone. Tamagoyaki slapped me with the
phone bill (literally) when he saw all the 1-900's I had been
making with a communicator meant to connect me to other magical
girls. 


Chaos: o.O; "Hey, wait a minute! I didn't make any 1-900 calls on
this!"

Tamagoyaki: ^^; "Gee, I wonder who did then?"

Chaos: >( [evil demonic dragqueen mode!] "YOU!!!"

Tamagoyaki: [making a fast break for the door!] "Stage out!"


     Anyhoo, back to the whole thing with friends. You ever notice
that if it wasn't for the fact that a magical girl's friends were
completely trustworthy or utterly clueless, their secret identity
would be blown as wide open as the plot holes in End of Eva? I
mean, look at the case studies.
     Hime-chan has her Daichi to help her manage that magical
ribbon, and he's not about to tell anyone else. Card Captor Sakura
has her obligatory-best-friend-who-has-no-magical-powers Tomoyo.
And Tomoyo winds up making all those costumes for Sakura (but we're
going to leave aside that whole 'Rule 3' item between them; it's a
Clamp thing). Nurse Angel Ririka has her Seiya Uzaki...but I do
sympathize with him, however. Like me, he has but one destiny:
cannon fodder. The poor guy gets pummelled every episode, but since
he's immortal he still survives (albeit in a lot of pain).
     And let's not forget about that classic best friend, Naru
Osaka. Otherwise known as Sailormoon's resident battery for youma.
I swear she's like a magnet for random energy-sucking. Maybe that's
why she just hasn't seemed to clue in to the fact that her best
friend is really some fly-by-moon agent of love, justice and pork
buns.
     But as good (or bad) fortune would have it, all my friends
were Gundam pilots, so half the time they were busy flying around
space in their mobile suits & blowing small mecha up. Hence they
never seemed to notice my strange disappearances...and my sudden
interest in make-up.


Chaos: [flopping down on the couch] "So another lunch has been
saved by me. And do the victims stop to ask for my autograph?
Nooooo! All they do is faint and finally regain consciousness two
minutes *after* I've left!"

Tamagoyaki: "Are you sure they fainted from seeing the monster o'
the day, or from seeing you in women's clothing?"

Chaos: [hauling Tamagoyaki up by the scruff of his neck] "Might I
remind you, furball, who stuck me in women's clothing in the first
place!!"

Tamagoyaki: "Oh, so you want to go with the Power Ranger tights and
make a lot of stupid arm gestures?"

Chaos: --;; "......"

Tamagoyaki: "See? You just need to put things into their proper
perspective! Now then, we need to talk about how we can top our
last fanfic."

Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "We do?"

Tamagoyaki: "Oh, you know the deal with magical girls. Whenever
there's a new season, they upgrade everything. Weapons, enemies,
allies, outfits. The Full Mugen, as it were."

Chaos: "You mean there's something more powerful than my enchanted
rocket launcher of love?"

Tamagoyaki: ^-^ "Hai! Presenting Sailor Dragqueen's--"

Chaos: --;; "I am never going to live that down, am I?"

Tamagoyaki: "--newest weapon: the orbital platform of justice!"

     [Chaos facevaults!]


     Now while I enjoy the ability to frag someone and the
surrounding 6 city blocks they happen to be standing on with a
Satellite Strike of love & justice, I drew the line at having to
wear a new halter-top. Or having to try and sing falsetto for some
new pop single in my latest character album.
     The only thing needed to make my psychosis as a magical girl
complete was to get involved in some kind of romantic tension.
Usually the magical girl would wind up having a crush on some guy,
and spend half the episodes trying to get up the nerve to talk to
him. Or else she'd wind up with two romantic suitors and find
herself unable to decide between them.
     And naturally, me being a guy, I absolutely refused to get
caught in either of these scenarios. Give me a girlfriend and I
would be happy. Of course...knowing my luck, she'd turn out to be
a demon and then rip my face off. Or else she'd be Akane Tendo and
punt my butt through the nearest ceiling if I even blinked at her
the wrong way.
     Then suddenly the normal narration segment of this rant was
interrupted by a curious sensation that ran through my body.


Chaos: [sitting up!] "Sailor sense...tingling...."

Tamagoyaki: "Ah, I see you're getting used to that extra-sensory
thing most magical girls have. Well...it's either that or the
pastrami sandwiches you had for lunch."

Sandoitchi-chan: [pose!] "Melbatoast!"

Chaos: [punting the youma through the wall!] "You got your but
smited in the last fic! Take the hint and stay dead!"


     Now my magical radar of love & justice was pointing me to the
front door. Fearing it was another pushy Shizuma Drive salesman, I
prepared to unleash the awesome fury of--

     [Cue the door being flung open, squishing Chaos into the
wall!]

Peanut Butter: ^-^ [Gainax bounce!] "Ohayo! I'm Peanut Butter!"

Jelly: ^-^ [genki bosoms!] "I'm her twin, Jelly!"

Both: "And we're here to defect to the side of love and justice!"

Chaos: x.x [twitch twitch!] "Ow..."

Tamagoyaki: ^^v "Is this a great fic, or what?"


     [Cue the eyecatch!]


               Next time on When Magical Girls Go 
               Wrong R:

               How to cope with new allies who'll
               try to upstage your love and justice
               with their genki bosoms.
          




THE CHAOS SING-A-LONG BIT:


     All the magical girls 
     that are portrayed in here
     Are considered by their creators 
     to be very dear
     And are copyright to 
     their distributors, 
     artists, owners and 
     something that rhymes with 'distributors'!
     And even though you think 
     this author may be a nut
     You have to admit, 
     I've got a cute butt!


                         -His lordship Chaos
                              hislordshipchaos@hotmail.com
                              carnage.fanfic.org