Warning: This fic contains nuts
                                
                 (and was written by some too)


     It was an anachronism of the highest order.
     Other people just called it the state of Connecticut.
     And somewhere out there, a Sailormoon author by the name of
Sean Gaffney was sitting in front of his computer, listening to the
cutesy, upbeat name-callings of Daphne and Celeste's "Ooh Stick
You."
     Leaning back in his chair, a black leather fedora on his head,
he decided it was once again time to be Sean Gaffney pretending to
be a reincarnated elephant Hannibal used to cross the Alps
pretending to be himself.
     So just who was Sean Gaffney?

     [Cue the token plot exposition bit...which is the most
unimportant part, of course. So let's just skip it then.]

Sean: --;; [impatiently tapping his foot] "Excuse me, but I'm not
going any further with this scene unless I get some biography time
on myself."

His lordship Chaos: [eyeroll] "Authors."

     [Cue the token filler bit as Excel from the Anime 'Excel Saga'
leaps out from behind a convenient curtain!]

Excel: ^-^ "Hai, Il Palazzo-sama!!! Right, OK, Sean is this author
of fanfics only he doesn't just write Sailor Moon like Todd or
Chaos or even one or two series like Greenbeans but he writes for
a whole ton of anime and he makes them all dark and depressing and
Ukyou fans want to kill him for his Ranma fics, and Urd fans get
mad at his Ah My Goddess fics--"

His lordship Chaos: [sweatdrop!] "Do you even breathe, woman?"

Excel: "--and Miaka fans for his Dirty Pair fic, even though she's
from Fushigi Yuugi, cause he likes to add a few pointless cameos so
he can pretend his fics are funny instead of just pointless
angstfests and did I mention that he has a Maison Ikkoku fic where
the stars murder everyone, and let's not forget his Ranma fic where
Ranma has mind-control powers and rapes 
the cast, that's a real winner--"

     [The hentaific's resident grammar check starts to smoke from
Excel's run-on sentence from hell!]

His lordship Chaos: o.O; "Woah! Excel, slow down! This is a 'no
smoking' lemon here...well, not until after the coitus, anyways."

Excel: [still going!] "--and he's written a Nadesico fic that's
almost a lesbian fic but not quite, and a Slayers fic that's almost
a lesbian fic but not quite, and a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fic
that definitely IS lesbian, and I think it's starting to turn into
an obsession, and he even wants to write a
lemon with me and Hyatt, which is just SICK, because nothing could
ever tear me away from the love of Il Palazzo, and did I even
mention--"

     [Sean abruptly pulls a cord, and Excel falls through a
trapdoor. A loud splash is heard from below.]

Sean: "OK, skip the bio. Nobody knows me, I'm the wind, baby."

His lordship Chaos: [???] "Where did that trapdoor come from?"


     "Boredboredbored," Sean sighed, twirling around in his chair.
"Amanda's off with Elf and Austin again, Lara's at Wing Night. I
have no one to talk to now. What could I possibly do to
unproductively while away the time?"
     What indeed?
     Knit a quilt?
     Unplug the toaster on his way out?
     Channel the spirit of a cabbit?!
     "Why not, half of IRC does it every night," Sean chuckled.
     It was just then that Sean realized he was standing in a
shadow that really shouldn't have been there in his room. He lifted
his head and gawked at the sight of a woman with long silvery-white
hair hovering above him, a key-shaped staff in one hand and a whip
in the other.
     "What the?" he muttered, panicked to say the least.
     Just what was Ifurita-Pluto doing here?
     And just what was she doing here with her whip?!
     And what about Scarecrow's brain?!?!
     What, you were expecting something that would actually
contribute to the general integrity of the plot? Boy, are you
readers a gullible lot.
     Anyhoo, Ifurita-Pluto aimed her power staff at Sean, the orb
glowing as it gathered energy. Sean's first question was just how
a fictitious character could defy the 4th Wall and be floating near
his ceiling. He then half-expected to be deatomized where he sat,
but unexpectedly the blast Ifurita-Pluto unleashed sent a small,
metal projectile shooting towards Sean.
     He glanced down at the floor as the canister burrowed its nose
into his carpet, smoke rising from the sleek metal body. Written on
the side in blatant English were the words OPEN ME. Not exactly
sure why he should indulge the intruding canister, but not exactly
wanting to be at the receiving end of Ifurita-Pluto's whip either,
Sean edged closer to the midget missile.
     Unscrewing the base of the projectile proved to find that it
had a hollow casing. Tucked neatly inside was a pair of very posh
sunglasses. Wondering if this was some odd new advertising ploy,
Sean carefully removed the shades from the casing and then placed
them on his face.
     To the casual reader the sunglasses were ordinary.
     But as Sean placed them over his eyes, a number of small 
computer-generated images appeared on the interior of the tinted
lenses. Once his retinal ID was cleared, an all too familiar voice
was heard.
     "Kon'nichi wa, Sean. Your fanfic, should you choose to accept
it, is to write a sequel to the lemon parody 'Pretty Fly (For A
Hentai)'. You can blackmail any two authors in the ASMR library
into assisting you in your operation, but it is imperative that one
of those co-authors be her."
     A small viewing window appeared in the left lens, revealing
the face of a female author Sean recognized very well.
     It was Greenbeans.
     "Given the rampant stupidity of the first 'Pretty Fly' fic,
we'll need her name in the credits to entice the SM fans to
actually read this turkey of a sequel. You are to track her down
within the next five pages after the disclaimer, find a way to
recruit her, and then come to the Dead Moon Circus bar to meet me
for the details of your assignment."
     "Will Fisheye be dubbed and female?" Sean wondered aloud, then
resumed listening.
     "I know what you're thinking: 'It will be difficult to coerce
any self-respecting author, let alone a bean, into co-authoring a
lemon parody.' Well, Mister Gaffney, this isn't a Fanfic:
Difficult, it's a Fanfic: Impossible. 'Difficult' should be about
as easy as they come."
     "Pardon the ecchi pun," Sean quipped.
     "As always, if you or any member of your Impossible Fanfic
team is caught or flamed, this author will disavow any knowledge of
your perverted actions."
     "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence," Sean remarked to the
automated message.
     "And next time," His lordship Chaos' voice added, "please have
someone other than Excel do your bio. I enjoy having cameo Anime
babes who actually breathe between sentences."
     His lordship Chaos' voice was replaced with a pleasant
feminine voice that stated, "These sunglasses will self-destruct in
five seconds. You cannot exchange or return them for a refund."
     Sean sighed as he removed the shades from over his eyes. "The
future's so bright, I gotta wear shades." He then paused. "Nah,
let's think Bright Lights, Big City."
     He grinned, tossing the sunglasses over his shoulder.
     However, he had forgotten to close the window, and the glasses
bounced right back into his lap.

Sean: o.O;;

     [Cue the overblown special effects explosion and nifty CG
opening title!]


                STILL PRETTY FLY (FOR A HENTAI)
                                
               A ludicrous lemon sequel run amok
                                
                                
                                
                                
                Rated R (Ridiculously perverted)


     Just when you thought it was safe to fill your bathtub with
Jello, here it comes! No, not the Senshi (just be patient though),
but the fanfic. Despite the loud protests to stop the perverted
insanity, we've completely disregarded all common sense and created
a sequel to "Pretty Fly (For A Hentai)"!
     Yes indeed, in this sort of fic everyone shall get their just
desserts...and they're all lemon-flavoured!
     MWAH HAH HA HAH HA HA!!
     Armed with a completely new set of authors and cliches to
abuse at our leisure, we have set out boldly screw up what everyone
else has screwed before. Namely the Senshi. You ever have come
across one of those wondrous stories which lifted your spirits,
captivated your imagination, and so dully inspired you? Well, odds
are this won't be one of them. In fact, if this inspires you to do
anything else other than groan and bang your head repeatedly
against the keyboard, we'll be just as surprised as you.
     Lovingly prepared, fondled and gift-wrapped for your
protection, Sean Gaffney, Greenbeans, Todd Foster and His lordship
Chaos present something that Naoko Takeuchi will no doubt hurt us
for if she ever learns how to read English.
     Like all good disclaimers, we should state that this fic is
not be taken with other prescription medication. We are not
responsible for broken brains or payment for therapy sessions
brought on by this fic. And we should also warn you that if you
don't read this fic...we'll shoot this daimon!!

NASCAR Daimon: "Steering!!"

Sean: "Chaos, you idiot, no one's going to miss a daimon if we kill
it."

His lordship Chaos: --;; "You do realize you just ruined the only
dramatic tension this fic has."

Sean: "Well, aside from the whole horror movie
vibrator-monster-thing plot...."

His lordship Chaos: [???] "Our fic has that?"

Sean: [holding up a script] "I read this. It kinda helps a story
along."

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "I knew I had forgotten something when we
started working on this!"

NASCAR Daimon: "Steering!!"

Authors: "Oh, shut up."

Sean: "Cue the gratuitous nekkid flashes!"

     [Cue a naked 10 year-old Chibiusa reclining on a couch!]

Chibiusa: ^_- "Hai hai!"

His lordship Chaos: o.O;; "She's not wearing any clothes!!
KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Sean: [stumbling around & covering his eyes] "Why? Why was I
written to feel pain?!"

His lordship Chaos: ;_; "The humanity! Oh, the humanity!!"

Mamoru: ^^v [leaping onto the scene] "Now this is a lemon--and a
Senshi--I could get into!"

Elios: [irately stomping onto the scene] "Hold it right there,
Tux-boy. You've hogged her enough in the lemon world--and you're
her dad to boot!"

Mamoru: >p "In your dreams, hornhead."

Elios: "They're wet dreams, I'll have you know! Beautiful wet
dreams too!"

Mamoru: "Oh yeah? Well my rod born of love's bigger than that pithy
little unicorn stump on your head! How do you expect to satisfy her
with that?"

Elios: "It's not the size that counts, it's how you use it!"

     [As the two guys fight over a still nekkid Chibiusa, the two
authors stand back with very unamused expressions on their faces.]

His lordship Chaos: [aside to Sean] "This can't get any worse than
Peruru from the SuperS movie exclaiming, 'She did it! Sailormoon's
penetrated the Black Dream Hole!' when there was no rampant
lesbianism in the movie whatsoever."

Sean: "Except for 'Being an adult makes it more fun', which has the
Outers 69ing written all over it."

His lordship Chaos: "But was that featured in the flick? Noooo! Not
even in an omake theatre."

Mamoru: "Ha! You don't even rank in the same category with me,
Elios. It's a well-known fact that in lemons, I can get any Senshi
I want. I've got mojo, baby!"

Elios: [pointing to his forehead] "Oh yeah?! Well we both know
who's always been the horniest character in the series!"

     [Cue the facevaults!]

Sean: --;; "Maybe we should just shoot all three of them. Ne,
Chaos, just where did you put that enchanted rocket launcher of
love and justice?

His lordship Chaos: [shrug!] "I left it in my other fuku. Hang on,
maybe I can get us out of this intro bit and into Mako-chan's
underwear--er, the plot! The plot! That's what I meant to say!"

Sean: "Chaos, getting into Mako-chan's panties *is* the plot. This
is a lemonfic!"

His lordship Chaos: ^^v "And isn't it wonderful thing?"

Mamoru: [grabbing Chibiusa's left thigh] "She's mine!"

Elios: [grabbing Chibiusa's right thigh] "No, she's mine!"

Chibiusa: "Boys, boys, you can both have me."

Sean: [ack!] "What's so wonderful about this?! Can somebody cue a
naughty tentacle or six to drag these idiots away?"

     [Suddenly hordes of naughty tentacles spill out from somewhere
off-screen! They wrap around Mamoru, Elios and Chibiusa and drag
the three characters away...but not before said tentacles perform
a really smashing chorus line routine as Dance Dance Revolution
plays in the background.]

His lordship Chaos: [blink blink!] "Tentacle of the Dance?"

Sean: --;; "Eat your heart out, Michael Flatley."

     [As they watch the spectacle, Sean abruptly gawks in disbelief
and tilts his head sideways in trying to ponder some really wrong
geometry angles. His lordship Chaos just leans back in
stunned surprise.]

His lordship Chaos: "Aiya. When they say 'name us one orifice we
haven't violated', they really do mean it."

Sean: [sweatdrop!] "Oh, those wacky oversexed demons."


                         *    *    *
     You ever have one of those wild, all-weekend Anime marathon
parties where you wake up Monday morning, only to find yourself
handcuffed to Sailor Tin Nyanko on a spaceship bound for Kinmoku?
Well...neither has this narrator, but it's the thought that counts!
     Not that thought is really required for reading a hentai
anyways.
     Anyhoo, somewhere off in the wilds of Oregon, where the wild
coffee tables roam and the sacred Tonberry plushies come home every
spring to roost, a bean was busy working away at her prized
computer (affectionately dubbed 'Yggdrasil'). As she sat, the bean
continued to find inspiration for the next thrilling and
character-driven chapter of her latest fanfic.
     Yet this was no mere bean.
     She did occasionally jump around--but that doesn't mean one
should automatically assume she was Mexican. Neither was she a
has-bean, for she was (as stated earlier) finding inspiration for
the next thrilling and character-driven chapter of her latest
fanfic.

Sean: [from somewhere in the audience] "Anyone ever notice how
lemons tend to get utterly redundant after a while?"

His lordship Chaos: "Shhh! You're detracting from the immanent sex.
And quick hogging all the popcorn!"

     How could such a bean find inspiration for the next thrilling
and character-driven chapter of her latest fanfic? Why, just as any
good author could: listening to Anime music soundtracks!
     What? You readers were expecting something ecchi?
     Perverts.
     What kind of a fic is this, where you think we'd feature one
of Sailormoon fanfiction's most beloved authors surfing the nude
photo galleries of her favourite Senshi? Oh, wait a minute...this
is a lemon parody, isn't it?
     Very well, then.
     Carry on with the rampant nekkid flashes!
     Greenbeans giggled, quickly dabbing at the drool at the corner
of her mouth with her chibi-Haruka bib. Her prized BYTE ME shirt
thusly protected, she clicked on another picture.
     But her closet hentai moment was abruptly broken...along with
her door, as Sean Gaffney kicked it open and dramatically leapt
inside. He grabbed his handheld microphone from its nearby stand
(narrator's note: don't ask) as a spotlight shone down on him.
     Energetic violin music started up, courtesy of Michiru
standing in the background.
     "Amanda Anderson, also known as the SM author/goddess
Greenbeans," Sean whispered, pointing at the unaware bean, "has
just had the other person in this scene replaced with a horny
Haruka who wants to strip down in front of her. Let's see if
Greenbeans notices the difference."

Haruka: [sweatdrop!] "You make me sound like I'm made of delicious
Folgers' Crystals."

Michiru: ^^v "And since we are what we eat, then I would be YOU by
morning, love. Or else Folgers' Crystals."

     Greenbeans glanced over her shoulder at the commotion, only to
be met with Haruka Ten'ou in a very feminine and very revealing
bunny-suit leotard (complete with a kawaii bunny ear
hairband) standing there. When presented with such a scene so full
of ecchi potential and the chance to act upon her fantasies...she
turned back to the computer screen.
     "Gomen," she said, clicking on another picture. "I'm in a
Final Fantasy VIII obsession right now. I want my Quistis-chan."
     Sean scowled at the cold reception. "So you don't want to join
our lemon-fresh crew, do you? Well we have ways of making you write
a hentaific." He turned to the Outer Senshi. "Haruka, time to play
hardball!"
     "Hai!" Haruka cheered. She quick changed into a baseball
jersey (and just the jersey) and slyly turned a baseball cap around
backwards. "C'mon Beanie, slide into home," she purred.
     Greenbeans glanced over at the player Haruka, and then back to
the computer. "Since my team isn't in the playoffs, baseball season
is over." She then waved a hand at the air whilst giggling,
"Instruct me!"
     Just Sean refused to give up the perv without a fight. "She's
not responding. Haruka, lose another layer of clothing and show her
your present!"
     Haruka quick changed again, this time wearing a single layer
of wrapping paper over her birthday suit. With a candle carefully
balanced on her head she tried to entice the bean into blowing her
out. Or just blowing her.
     Again, Greenbeans paid her little attention. "My berfday isn't
until April, and yours isn't until January."
     Becoming frustrated, Sean decided to go with the familiar. 
"Perhaps Haruka simply isn't packaged properly," he said with a
smirk.
     The Senshi changed once more, this time wearing nothing more
than a layer of bubble wrap. "Pop me," she invited. That got the
author to raise an eyebrow with intrigue. There was some
unidentifiable aspect of bubble wrap that prompted people to take
it up in their hands and squeeze the li'l bubbles. Sean wasn't
above using that to draw the bean into the fic.
     With an admirable amount of willpower, Greenbeans shook off
the lure of the bubble wrap and went back to her computer. "I can
get all the bubble wrap and packing peanuts that I want at
work."
     Sean groaned in frustration. "Alright, Haruka, if she won't
come along peacefully...lose the wrap!"
     Haruka gave a deliberate cough and reached out her hand to
Sean. He in turn fished out a few thousand Yen of bribe money. "I
had better get reimbursed for this later," he muttered.
     Upon receiving her gratuity fee, Haruka then slowly removed
her entire wrap. All that remained was a pair of thong panties.

Sean: ^^v "And how about that? No tanline!"

     But then it appeared Michiru couldn't hold back any longer,
and before Sean could start taking bets from the audience as to
whether or not Haruka had a racing stripe--and we're not referring
to the car, people!--Michiru grabbed her lover and flung Haruka
onto the couch.
     Clothes starting flying.
     Fingers started feeling!
     Rampant lesbianism once again needed no excuses!!
     It's good to be alive and narrating this lemon!!!
     But Sean just stared at their tangle of arms, legs and
fanservice with a blank look on his face, impatiently tapping his
foot. A few times he glanced down at his watch. "Well at least
someone's getting served in this fic," he remarked. "Beanie, aren't
you even going to see what all the moaning is about?"
     Greenbeans shrugged. "I've done my time with Sailormoon, leave
me to Final Fantasy VIII for a while."
     Sean grimaced at her phrasing. If anyone, she would have done
Haruka by now.
     With an exasperated sigh, Sean walked over to the couch.
"Haruka, could you get your face out of Michiru's cleavage for a
minute and listen to me?" He abruptly rolled his eyes. "No, not the
two-way strap-on! We don't have time for that. At least do it on
the floor where you have a chance of catching Amanda's attention!"
     Sean shook his head at this lack of stimulust-response. On the
bright side, at least someone was happy with the fanservice, given
Michiru's enthusiastic thrusting and all. "We'll have to bring out
the big guns," he stated, nodding to himself.

Haruka: "Which means?"

Sean: "Fanservice from another source!"

     [Cue a nude Quistis (direct from the FFVIII game!) in a tub
filled with whipped cream!]

     Greenbeans' head snapped around, giving her a severe case of
whiplash in the process. But that was soon forgotten as her li'l
authoress eyes fixated on the blonde SeeD instructor. Yet the bean
stuck by her impeccable self-resolve and highly respected 
reputation...for about two seconds.

Greenbeans: ^-^ [diving into the tub with Quistis!] "Hotcha!"

Sean: [sigh!] "This is really starting to get ridiculous."


                         *    *    *
     Life was kinda dragging on for fanfic author Todd Foster. Once
again racked with an evil bout of writer's block, he feared Sailor
Skuld's impending mallet should he still delay the release of the
next chapter of his Circles of Time story. But writing an exotic
and memorable fanfic takes time, and Todd certainly took his work
seriously.
     It was his responsibility to give the rabid otaku fans out
there something provocative and thoughtful. To dig deep into their
characters, peel back the layers, and reveal the real issues that
all of the readers of SM fanfiction were wanting to explore:
namely, just where do they hide their henshins sticks anyways?
     Todd stared at his computer screen as he pondered this, an
ecchi grin on his face.
     "Oh, Todd," a sexy voice abruptly sounded.
     Todd pulled himself away from the monitor and looked over at
the door. And standing in his doorway was one Aino Minako, dressed
in nothing but a pair of white lace panties.
     At the risk of stating the obvious, Todd completely freaked.
Certainly to get a plot twist like this, he must have done
something good in a previous fic. But Todd couldn't imagine what
that must have been, so he was now stuck with a cute li'l blonde
wrinkle in the plot that he really didn't want to steam press.
     Todd rubbed his eyes, thinking this was all some weird dream.
Therein implied no more "Doji and donuts" marathons for him in the
future. On the other hand, he wasn't speaking Japanese and had yet
to find English subtitled hovering above the floor.
     Minako-chan reached up and caressed her bosom. "You like?"
     He nodded enthusiastically--until he realized the horrid
truth. Evidently if he wasn't writing the story, he wasn't an
author avatar. And without that self-inserted God complex, it could
only mean one thing: he was an expendable extra!
     Todd immediately grabbed his trusty wiffle bat, ready to take
down any evil plot devices that might be lurking. At the very
least, if Minako was this under-dressed, he didn't have to worry
about having a pure heart that might get ripped out by the Witches
5.
     "Come here, Todd-chan," the blonde Senshi coaxed, crooking her
finger at him. "Minako wants to play with you."
     He vehemently shook his head, bravely fending her off with his
swivel chair. Yet when presented with a scantily-clad Anime babe
before him, his inner otaku tried to glomp onto her.
"Must...resist...urge...to grope," he managed to say through
clenched teeth, clinging ardently to his swivel chair. "Ecchi guys
in Anime always get throttled when they do that."
     Minako-chan giggled as she bounced around the room, causing
her breasts and ass to move oh so invitingly. And Todd just looked
ridiculous as he tenaciously clung to his chair, fighting the
forces of hentai. And losing too, given how he was slowly wheeling
himself towards Minako.
     "Now then," Minako said as she came around behind Todd and
began to sensually caress his T-shirt. "I'm here to tell people a
little bit about yourself."
     Now this wasn't what usually went on in a hentai. Character
development and plot exposition were always a big no-no. A
sweatdrop appeared next to Todd's head as he looked back at Minako.
"You taunt me with your negligee, only to do a biography on me?"
     "Let's see," she began. "Todd Foster is twenty years old,
stands five feet nine inches tall. Has dirty-blond hair with a mind
all its own. He also has blue eyes and wears glasses. And adding to
the appearance of being several years older are a beard and
mustache, which give him a rugged look." She leaned her head
forward and gave him a questioning look. "Am I right so far?"
     "Say what?" Todd asked, having missed every word she just said
as he was concentrating on her genki bosoms. After all, authors had
to know every inch of the character they were writing about. And if
it meant having to get up close and personal with Minako's cleavage
for a better story, then it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.
     Minako continued to strut her Senshi stuff, demonstrating how
she was definitely too sexy for this idiotic--er, brilliant example
of sensual fanfiction. "His hobbies are: street hockey, volleyball,
badminton, computers, and Anime. Sailormoon being his favorite. He
prefers his women with blond hair and blue eyes. A fit athletic
build is preferred with medium sized breasts
that fit nicely in his hands."
     Todd looked down at his hands, and test-groped the air. "Yep,
that sounds about right," he admitted.
     "His favorite Senshi is...ME!" Minako-chan exclaimed as she
struck a pose. "Turn-ons include slightly submissive women who are
tied up, revealing negligee, and skimpy outfits. He also enjoys
reading hentai stories, usually of the tentacle variety."

Todd: o.O;;

     She giggled as she started dancing around, making her chest
move in mesmerizing ways. Although he resisted as best he could,
Todd's head swung in synch with her bosoms.
     "Oh, yeah," Minako-chan added. "Almost forgot. He couldn't get
a date to save his life."
     Todd instantly facevaulted. "Oh, that was just uncalled for.
You're going to pay for that!"
     However, his clever knowledge of wiffle bat martial arts was
abruptly stopped by the ultimate counter-technique: fanservice!
Before any one of you reading this could say, "Stop squeezing the
lemon, I've got a papercut!" Minako ripped off her thong and threw
it to the floor...revealing a rather unexpected piece of anatomy. 
     Todd's eyes bugged out upon seeing what evidently wasn't a
strap-on.
     And taking that as his cue, Artemis quickly started up a tape
which began playing the theme song to "The Crying Game."
     Todd recoiled across the room, clinging to wall as the gears
in his brain started to seize up. As little kawaii elephant heads
danced in the air behind him, he frantically pointed to Minako's
crotch while stuttering, "S-S-She-male!"
     Minako looked down at herself as if there was nothing wrong.
"What? No, I've actually got both."
     That didn't exactly help ease Todd's hysteria. "Both?!" the
terrified li'l SD author exclaimed. "Whaddaya mean 'both'? They're
not like a washer/dryer combo set!"
     "But I'm Aino Minako, the soldier of love!" she stated
proudly, striking a pose. "And how can I not love everyone if I
don't have all the right equipment?"
     However Minako really didn't have time to justify herself (or
help redeem this fic either), since by now Todd had thrown himself
out the door, the broken shambles of his fragile mind left behind
in his wake.


                         *    *    *
     Now then, onto the erotically-charged sex scenes featuring all
your favourite Senshi in all their favourite positions...or at
least a reasonable facsimile thereof. But while this turkey of a
lemon couldn't be written on recycled cocktail napkins like the
last fic was, it was written on the next best thing: edible
panties!
     Unfortunately, said edible panties were hungrily devoured by
Usagi when she couldn't find anything else in the fridge during one
of her midnight snack blitzes. So as a result, we're just
making this up as we go along.
     Does it show?

Sean: "Only because it's missing said panties. It's not shaved,
either."

Greenbeans: [bopping Sean] "HENTAI!!"

Sean: ^^v "Hai, arigato gozaimasu!"

     Back to something that could resemble a plot, the usual bar
attended by the Amazon Trio was oddly vacant tonight. It might have
been because TigerEye, FishEye (also known as the Michelin Man in
her--er, his off-days) and HawksEye had all been hauled away by the
fashion police for gross violations of their code of conduct.
Somewhere off in the back, the Amazoness Quartet were busy hustling
other villainesses in strip-pool matches.

Sailor Iron Mouse: "Argh! I can't believe I missed the Five ball!"

VesVes: "You know the rules: you miss a shot, you lose an article
of clothing."

Sailor Iron Mouse: "But all I've got left is my underwear!"

Amazoness Quartet: ^-^ "We know!"

Sailor Iron Mouse: --;; [nekkid flashes for everyone!] "......"

PallaPalla: "Oooh! And here PallaPalla thought that Iron Mouse had
dyed her hair white! PallaPalla was wrong after all."

Tin Nyanko: "I could have told you that."

     Regardless, the bar was open for His lordship Chaos to sit
back and enjoy himself. Abruptly his cell phone rang, and being the
dutiful author he answered it. "Wanda's Whip Emporium," he stated.
"How can we hurt you?"

Ami: [getting it on with Michiru!] "So, wazzup?"

His lordship Chaos: "Nuthin' much. Watchin' some fanservice, havin'
some Sake."

Ami: "Hai. hai. Michiru's busy giving me a tutorial...Ooooh,
Michiru-sama, right there! Teach me how to use my tongue like
that!"

His lordship Chaos: o.O; [listening in] "Just what kind of lesson
is Michiru giving?"

Cell phone: [incoming call!] *Beep Beep!*

His lordship Chaos: "Yo, hold on. I got another call...Moshi
moshi?"

Beryl: [nekkid with Jadeite kissing her feet!] ^-^ "WAZZUP?!"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "Wazzup?"

Ami: ^-^ "Wazzup?"

His lordship Chaos: :p "Aaaaaaaa!"

Beryl: :p "Aaaaaaa!"

Ami: "So where's Crossdresserite?"

Beryl: "You mean Zoicite?"

Cell phone: [incoming call!] *Beep Beep!*

His lordship Chaos: "Hang on...'Sup?"

Crossdresserite: ^-^ [in bed with Kunzite] "Wazzup?!"

Kunzite: [sweatdropping as he peers beneath the covers] "What,
you're a girl this time? Last night you were your usual shonen ai
self. Zoi, I really wish you'd pick a gender and stick with it."

     [His lordship Chaos immediately cancels that call!]

Beryl: "So, wazzup?"

His lordship Chaos: "Nuthin' much. Watchin' some fanservice, havin'
some Sake."

Beryl: "Hai. hai."

     [Beryl abruptly pauses and smacks Jadeite on the head with her
heel.]

Beryl: "Hey, no ruining my toenail polish! Kiss around it."

Jadeite: ;_; "The things I do to get free from that ice cube."

His lordship Chaos: "Ne, Bondage Queen Beryl, could you hold on a
minute; I need to check my watch."

     Suddenly the front doors the Dead Moon bar were kicked open,
and in stormed a rather irate (and absurdly super-deformed) Todd.
He glared across the bar at His lordship Chaos, pointing a
threatening finger at the other author. But luckily it wasn't a
loaded finger. "YOU!!!"
     His lordship Chaos didn't even look up from his wristwatch.
"Oh, you're five seconds early for this scene. I was going to do
some kind of narrative rant about how Minako is the Soldier of
Love after all, and it's not the first time she's been depicted as
a hermaphrodite to 'love' both--"
     "I got the idea," Todd grumbled, his eyebrow still twitching.
"I got an unnecessarily graphic visual aide too. This is all your
fault, I know it."
     His lordship Chaos gave Todd a most innocent and angelic look.
"Now would I be so pervertedly evil and utterly devious as to do
something like that to you?" He abruptly paused. "Actually, yes I
would. In fact I did. MWAH HA HAH HAH HAH HA!!!"
     Todd grappled onto His lordship Chaos' collar. "But you did
that to ME!!"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "And if you had stayed a little longer, she
would have spanked you with her Venus Love-Me Chain for being such
a naughty little author."

     [Todd facevaults!]

     "You're going to pay for this, yes you are," Todd growled as
he pulled himself off the floor. "I have a broadsword somewhere
around here, and I am not afraid to go medieval on your otaku butt,
and...and...and why is there a gerbil dressed in an Armani suit
standing next to me?"

Tamagoyaki: ^-^ [handing Todd some sheets of paper] "Two words for
you, pal: contractual obligations. Read it and weep."

     A sweatdrop appeared next to Todd's head. "Who are you?"
     "Obligatory guest cameo," Tamagoyaki replied. "Not to mention
I'm the frighteningly kawaii Magical Girl mascot who only lives to
antagonize you."
     Todd turned to His lordship Chaos. "The gerbil's not serious,
is he?"
     His lordship Chaos could only give Todd a helpless shrug. "You
want to tempt fate and some disenchanted lawyers, go right ahead.
But I do suggest you read the documents."
     Todd skimmed through the contract that Tamagoyaki had handed
him. And promptly freaked. "What the hell is this?!" he exclaimed.
"I didn't sign this! This is fake, I tell you!"
     "Bottom of page three," Tamagoyaki replied instantly, tapping
his li'l hind paw with a large degree of impatience.
     Todd flipped to page three, and his jaw dropped. "Hey, this is
a forgery! This signature is legible. Mine never is!"

     [Tamagoyaki snatches the document, scribbles unintelligibly on
page three, and then hands it back to Todd!]

Tamagoyaki: ^-^ "How's this?"

     [Todd facevaults yet again!]

     His lordship Chaos shook his head and then drank back another
glass of warm Sake. "Authors are so fun to tease," he sighed
wistfully. He glanced over his shoulder as he heard
another pair of footsteps entering the bar.
     Sean Gaffney casually strolled through the front doors,
wearing his trademark black fedora and a T-shirt that read:
"Naughty tentacles attacked the nubile young girls in my 'private
junior college' and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!"
     Meekly shuffling behind him, resigned to her fate, was
Greenbeans. She paused momentarily to give a dignified air about
herself...before hastily wiping off some leftover whipped
cream from her sleeve.
     "Hey, you managed to rope her in after all," His lordship
Chaos said to Sean, visibly impressed. "And in under three pages
too. Not bad."
     "You just need to have a way with words," Sean replied. "I'm
such a cunning linguist that no one can escape my indecent
proposals." He glanced down at Todd, who was still doing a great
impression of some breed of ostrich youma with his head in the
floor. "How'd you get this guy?"
     His lordship Chaos smiled and demurred, "I have my methods."
     "You sent him the hermie Minako, didn't you?"
     "Hey, it was either her or Haruka. Uranus being a gender
ambiguous planet in Japanese astrology and all, it wouldn't be the
first time she's been portrayed as a hermaphrodite either."
     Greenbeans immediately seized Chaos by the collar and glared
at him. "And I will flay you if you try it with her."
     Todd pulled his face out from the small crater in the floor,
tenderly rubbing his sore nose. "I don't care what Minako said, but
having both sets of equipment doesn't mean it makes for the
*right* equipment."
     "Should I mail her a 'Good Vibrations' catalog?" Sean
inquired.
     "Don't you dare!" Greenbeans stated in no uncertain terms as
she switched authors and hauled Sean up by his T-shirt.
     Sean put his hands up in surrender and agreed, "Hai hai. She
and Haruka already have that two-way strap-on."
     "WHAT?!"
     "See, this is what happens when you don't pay attention to the
hentai content in your scenes, Beanie-chan."
     His lordship Chaos coughed loudly and called the other three
authors over to a private table. Todd, Greenbeans and Sean all took
a seat for themselves--and momentarily gawked as JunJun jumped
Eudial right there at the pool table.
     "Red and green?" Greenbeans mused. "There's an ecchi
Christmas-themed pairing if I ever saw one."
     "I can only hope JunJun isn't playing both fields like Minako
was," Todd said.
     Without even looking, Sean and Greenbeans both cuffed him
upside the back of the head.
     His lordship Chaos merely shrugged indifferently. "You know
how it goes: all female SM villains are lesbians when it comes to
lemon plot devices. The Amazoness Quartet are into orgies; same
with the Witches 5."

Todd: "Don't forget the Animates. There's always innuendo about the
pairing of Lead Crow and Aluminum Siding."

Greenbeans: "Siren."

Todd: "Whatever."

     "So just what are we here for?" Greenbeans asked, her eyebrow
twitching as she saw the pool cues being given all new (if not
unnatural) uses. 9-Ball Dreams, anyone?
     "I'm impressed you haven't gone into total catatonia by now,"
Todd remarked.
     Sean shrugged. "She's still got the adrenaline kicking in her
system from that whipped cream session with Quistis. The shock will
probably hit her around part two."
     His lordship Chaos settled back into his chair. "Now then,
your fanfic, should you choose to accept co-authoring
it...actually, you have no choice," he corrected himself. "We'll
just rip out your pure heart if you refuse to help."
     Everyone stared blankly at him.
     "Er, maybe not your pure heart," he corrected himself yet
again, "After all, your mission is to help me co-write a lemon
parody. And since when have authors ever had pure hearts when
lemons were involved?"
     He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Okay, so we'll rip out your
starseed or something."

Sean: "I think I sold mine for some Pogs."

Todd: [with a dustpan] "I broke mine about a month ago, but I saved
all the crystal dust in this dustpan! Nobody sneeze."

Beans: ^^ [squeals happily] "My starSeeD?"

His lordship Chaos: "Anoooo..Sailormoon, not Final Fantasy VIII."

     Chaos groaned and massaged his temples. "Spoofing a Sailormoon
lemon for a second time is the easy part. Finding decent authors to
take the blame for this turkey, now there's the
challenge."

Mamoru: ^-^ "I've got a hard part in this too!"

His lordship Chaos: [pulling out a revolver] "If it has anything to
do with what's in your pants, I'm feeding you to the tap-dancing
tentacle monsters from the disclaimer again!"

Todd: [hanging Chaos a Beam Cannon] "Here. There's a larger kill
zone with this baby. Makes him harder to miss."

His lordship Chaos: ^-^ "I like, I like!"

     "That's the second biggest cannon I've ever seen," Sean
quipped.
     "This is odd," Greenbeans remarked, thumbing over in Sean's
direction. "He's not quite the married, toned-down...getting some
regularly Sean we see in 'Made of Stone.'"
     His lordship Chaos waved that aside. "Oh, that's because he's
the real-life author Sean. Just as lovable as the avatar, and five
times more perverted."

Greenbeans: o.O;;

Sean: ^-^ "Be afraid. Be VERY afraid."

     A very nervous Greenbeans looked over to where Sean was
currently "judging the angle" of the next pool shot. "And this is
a good thing?!"
     Todd remained skeptical about the entire proposal. "What about
the crew who helped you with the first 'Pretty Fly' fic?"
     His lordship Chaos sighed and shook his head. "Can you believe
it?" he said. "After all their help, they got tarred and feathered
as Sailormoon heretics for it."
     "And yet you escaped?" Greenbeans inquired darkly.
     "I made sure they were more prolific in the fic than me for
that exact reason: the lynch mob completely forgot about my
involvement!" His lordship Chaos stated, beaming proudly as
he flashed them the V-sign.
     Hey, at least he didn't flash them anything else.
     "And what would make me want to join you in a sequel in light
of that?" Todd said.
     His lordship Chaos' grin curled into a vicious smile. "Do you
want everyone on the ASMR to know about that self-gratuitous scene
Minako had with you?"

Todd: [sweatdrop] "But she was a hermaphrodite in...(o.O;;) You
wouldn't dare release that scene!"

His lordship Chaos: ^-^  "Oh, I dare! I dare!"

     With a diabolical laugh, His lordship Chaos took another drink
of Sake. "You see, I'm the financier of this little venture," he
explained. "I'm the Iron Chef to you three little Cheflettes. I am
the Professor Tomoe to your Witches 5."

Todd: "I call Eudial!"

Sean: "I'll be Cyprine!"

Greenbeans: [pouting] "Hey! That means I have to be bubblehead
Mimete."

     His lordship Chaos gestured to the authors, one at a time. "We
need Greenbeans here as a draw to sucker people into reading this.
In seeing her name on the list of contributing authors, otaku are
bound to scramble to read the story. And all too quickly they'll
realize that it was a trap. Yet they won't be able to escape and
they'll be doomed to read this fic to its conclusion! Doomed, I
tell you! Mwah ha ha hah ha hah ha ha ha HA HA HAH HA HA HAH HA
HAH!!!"

Todd: [aside to Greenbeans] "He frightens me sometimes."

Greenbeans: "Just sometimes?"

Todd: "Okay, 24-7."

     Chaos finished with his megalomaniacal cackling and then
pointed to Sean. "This man will be able to contribute what every
good SM lemon needs."
     "What? More graphic and badly scripted sex?" Greenbeans
retorted.
     Chaos facevaulted right into the tabletop, but quickly
recovered and gave a triumphant laugh. "I meant to do that. But
actually, we get to pump Sean here for more SM hentai ideas."
     "I'd like to vote that Amanda here be the only one who pumps
me," Sean suggested with a smile.
     Greenbeans punched him in the shoulder for that remark.
"Vetoed!"
     "So what am I?" Todd asked with a hopefully optimistic smile.
     His lordship Chaos solemnly answered, "You, Todd, have the
most important role of our group: cannon fodder."
     Todd wasn't too impressed. "WHAT?" he demanded.
     "When it looks like our fic might be under siege by hordes of
angry Sailormoon otaku lobbing flamemail in our direction," His
lordship Chaos happily explained. "We'll need you to serve as a
human shield...or we'll just stuff you into a Beam Cannon and have
you destroy our enemies before they can prove just how ridiculous
our lemonfic is."
     Todd still wasn't too impressed. "I've been traumatized enough
as it is, thanks to that Minako scene! I don't need you to help
deepen my psychosis."
     "Crybaby," His lordship Chaos stated, sticking out his tongue
at Todd in a most gentlemanly manner. "You weren't in the
obligatory disclaimer bit, where we had Mamoru and Elios fighting
over the nekkid Yamhead."
     "I still argue they should have played wishbone with her legs
when they had the chance," Sean said.
     Greenbeans sighed and massaged the bridge of her nose. "You
got any more of that Sake? I don't think I can take this fic sober.
And what kind of a Sailormoon lemon is this, anyways?"
     "Sunkist?" Sean ventured innocently enough.
     He was instantly clobbered by the Doom Tree, which crashed
through the ceiling for no apparent reason. Moments later, the
alien twins Ail and Ann stepped out. Ann was fuming about how Fiore
had once again ditched her for dating "that Mamo-kun bastard!",
while Ail took an immediate liking to the nearby pool tournament.
     "Do I get to fight for Love and Justice in this fic?"
Greenbeans asked.
     His lordship Chaos shook his head. "There's rarely Love in a
bad lemon."
     "And certainly no Justice," Todd added.
     With a sigh, Greenbeans pulled out Haruka's Space Sword and
unsheathed the blade. "Oh, then I'll just fight."
     "Thus spake the bean," warbled Sean's voice from beneath the
root system.
     Greenbeans gawked. "Why do I have to get spanked?" she
protested.
     His lordship Chaos rolled his eyes. "'Spake' not 'spank',
Amanda. It would appear your Freudian slip is showing." After
seeing her facevault in embarrassment, he leaned over to Doom
Tree. "Her assimilation is progressing faster than expected. Not
bad."
     "Domo," a still flattened and twitching li'l Sean quipped.
     "So what do we do now?" Todd asked, turning to His lordship
Chaos.
     Chaos immediately pulled out a briefcase from beneath his
chair and set it on the table. "Now we have to do some research on
Sailormoon hentai," he stated, opening the lid up. "I want this to
be the uberlemon to top all uberlemons. And that means we have to
understand every SM cliche in the book."

Todd: [raising his hand] "Can we have hands-on training sessions
with the Senshi...so long as they're restricted to having only one
set of genitalia?"

Sean: "You really are paranoid about that, aren't you?"

Todd: [irate li'l SD author mode] "You weren't there, buddy!"

Greenbeans: [raising her hand] "Dibs on a scene with Haruka."

Todd, Sean & Chaos: [slowly turning to her] "......"

Greenbeans: [blush!] "My interest in her is purely professional."

     "Anyhoo," His lordship Chaos continued. He reached into the
open briefcase and began to pull out small dossiers, handing one to
each author. "Here are your assignments. In theory these should
make you some of the most knowledgeable Sailormoon hentai writers
once you're done. After you complete your tasks, report back to
me...and then we shall begin work on the ultimate lemon. If you
have any bizarre and deranged ideas, don't hesitate to toss them
this way."
     Sean immediately put up his hand and voiced a suggestion. "To
show how much she cares for Usagi, Rei kills Mamoru and has him
stuffed, complete with erection so he's useful. She then skins
Minako and uses the skin to line her bed, for especial softness.
This leads to problems."

Makoto: "Minako-chan...may I?"

Minako: "Alright, but be careful. I still sting a bit."

Makoto: "Sorry, human body models just turn me on so much."

Authors: o.O;; [twitch twitch!]

Sean: "What? Too Jewish?"

His lordship Chaos: "Perhaps I shouldn't have let you join the
team. So then, let the wanton fanservice begin!"


     [Cue the eyecatch!]


Todd: "Since when is an eyecatch perverted?"

His lordship Chaos: ^^v "Since it features this!"


     [We abruptly cut to a Galaxy TV logo, followed by a news
studio. Sailor Aluminum Siding--er, Siren, is seated on one of the
chairs behind the newsdesk, calmly eating a cookie.]

Sailor Lead Crow: [running to her own chair behind the desk] "We
interrupt this lemon with a Senshi nekkid flash!"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "Crystal Tokyo citizens are starting an
awareness campaign about the year 10,000 bug. Today's computers are
not equipped to handle this 5-digit date and if future computers
are built using this calendar, then on December 31, 9999, there is
little doubt that many systems will crash. More details to follow
as the centuries pass."

Sailor Lead Crow: [eyebrow twitch!] "What does that have to do with
the lemon?"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "Well I thought it would add character
depth. You seem to be blissfully ignoring this Y10K problem, I
might add, Crow-chan."

Sailor Lead Crow: --;; "Stop calling me Crow-chan! Do you realize
that story is based entirely on innuendo? There's no evidence that
we'd be still using the same computers seven thousand years from
now, let alone still be on the earth!"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "Well I...sometimes there's truth in
innuendo...oh, as if you've never done a story completely on
hearsay, Crow-chan?"

Sailor Lead Crow: [shaking her head] "All I wanted was a normal
co-anchor. Was that too hard of a request to make?"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: ^-^ "Would you like some lunch? I made it
myself."

Sailor Lead Crow: [irate li'l evil Animate] "NO!"

     [Lead Crow's eyebrow develops a nasty twitch as she shuffles
her papers around on her desk and tries to refrain from killing her
co-anchor.]

Sailor Lead Crow: [calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean....] "Today's
real top story: the future world of Crystal Tokyo was shocked today
when it was revealed that Neo Queen Serenity and Sailor Mars were
having a secret lovers' tryst! Apparently their affair had been
going on for centuries...and no one really noticed until now. So
what does this mean for King Endymion?"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "He has a threesome with them?"

Sailor Lead Crow: [twitch!] "That was a rhetorical question, you
half-wit."

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "Well, it's either that or he becomes
breeding stock to make sure Chibiusa is conceived."

Sailor Lead Crow: x.x "Gyaaaaa!"

     [As Sailor Lead Crow starts banging her head on the newsdesk,
Sailor Aluminum Siren gives her a consoling pat on the shoulder.]

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "There there, Crow-chan, a nice soak in Tin
Nyanko's milkbath will help loosen you up. In the meantime, we
tried to reach Endymion for his comments about this royal affair,
but it appears that he's been spending this past week somewhere
around the Time Gate with Sailor Pluto. Let's go live now to our
Crystal Tokyo correspondent, Sailor Iron Mouse!"

     [The camera suddenly cuts to a scene to outdoors. Pink sakura
blossoms drift down through the air as two star-crossed lovers meet
to make their confession of love.]

FishEye: [shyly] "A-Ano...."

Motoki: [but dubbies call him Andrew!] "What is it?"

FishEye: "I...um...I've just realized that...."

Motoki: "Yes?"

FishEye: [melodramatic delivery] "I LOVE YOU!!!"

Motoki: o.O;; "You love me? Wait...I just realized I love you too."

Reika: [or Rita. Whoever.] "Ano...what about me?"

Motoki: "Scram woman, you bother me."

FishEye: "Motoki-chan, now that we've got that out of the way,
let's screw our brains out!"

Motoki: "Cue the yaoi scene!"

     [We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand
by....]


Sailor Lead Crow: o.O;; "I don't think that was Iron Mouse."

Sailor Aluminum Siren: "Should I have given that cross-dresser my
business card then?"

Sailor Lead Crow: --;; "When you were a kid, you let your mind
wander and it didn't come back, did it?"

Sailor Aluminum Siren: [scowling] "Crow-chan, I don't like that
tone of voice you have. It seems like I'll have to teach you to be
more respectful to your friends."

     [Sailor Aluminum stands up and tears off her sky blue Animate
uniform...only to reveal a black leather bodysuit underneath!]

Sailor Lead Crow: o.O;;

S&M Aluminum Siren: ^-^ "Looks like I'll have to spank you for
being such a naughty little Animate, Crow-chan."

Sailor Lead Crow: "But Siren, it's Friday night. We both know *I*
get to dress up in the leather on Friday nights!"

S&M Aluminum Siren: "I'm changing the schedule, Crow-chan! Now call
me The Queen!"












     OBLIGATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE SEGMENT



Sean Gaffney:

     Despite various little setbacks along the way, this has been
a fun fic to write. And of course more evil sex will follow. Much
more! Think you've seen perversions? You haven't seen perversions.
Usagi/Rei lesbian lemons? A mere bag o' shells compared to what
we'll do. We leave no senshi unturned! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

                    --SG
                      gaffney@iconn.net



Todd Foster:

     [We open to a psychiatrist's office. Todd is laying on the
plush couch with his head in his hands, while the shrink sits in
an adjacent chair.]


Shrink: "So, just vat vas eet like seeing vat you did in zees
fic?"

Todd: [groan!] "It was the most horrible thing! I mean it was
Minako, but...but she was a freak! It's not like 'you buy one,
you get one free.' They're NOT supposed to be a combo set!"

Shrink: "Vat's not supposed to be a combo set?"

Todd: [on the verge of going nuts, but some say he's already
there] "You know! Those things! She has both! And she's not
supposed to!"

Shrink: "I see."

Todd: [right in the shrink's face] "No, you don't--and that's a
good thing! Trust me on that one!"

Shrink: "So...vat did you find enjoyable vile verking on zees
fic?"

Todd: [instantly perking up..and drooling] "Nekkid Senshi!
Howitzers! Nekkid Senshi! Daimon Jello! And did I say nekkid
Senshi?! By the way, who stole my double-handed sword and
replaced it with a wiffle bat?"

His lordship Chaos: [somewhere in the audience] "It must have
been someone other than Chaos!"

Sean: [munching on popcorn] "Subtlety just isn't your strong
point, is it?"

Chaos: "Hey, quit hogging all the popcorn!"

Greenbeans: [taking the huge tub of popcorn and stuffing it over
Chaos' head] "There. Happy now?"

Chaos: [munching on popcorn from under the huge tub] "Hey, this
isn't buttered!"

Shrink: [blatantly ignoring the other authors] "I voodn't know
about your viffulbat. And vat vas your favoreet scene?"

Todd: [striking a pose and singing!] "Boff a Senshi! Boff a
Senshi!"

Shrink: "Um...okay. Do you feel zat talking about zees is helping
you resolve your problems?'

Todd: o.O; "KYAAAAAAAAAA!"

     [Todd promptly runs and jumps out the 32nd story window!]

Shrink: [staring in astonishment] "Vat made him do zat?"

Minako: [in her nurse's uniform!] "Oh, Mister Shrink. Care to
play some games?"

Shrink: o.O "Say vat?"

Minako: [ripping off her uniform] "Let me satisfy you!"

Shrink: >.< "And just how are you supposed to satisfy me vith
zat? I'm heterosexueel."

Minako: "What? I have both sets of equipment. See?"

Shrink: [following Todd out the window!] "VAIT FOR
MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Minako: "Why do all the cute guys do that when they see me?"

     [Minako abruptly turns to all the readers.]

Minako: "Any of you know?"

     [Silence....]

Minako: --;; "Hey, anyone there? Moshi moshi? Don't tell me you
readers have all thrown yourselves out the nearest window too."



                         -Todd Foster
                          tnf927@hotmail.com