Chapter 8 “She’s been in there all night. Do you think she’s okay in there? One of us should go in and check on her.” “Vesta, leave her alone. I’m sure Serenity-sama just wants some time to herself.” “I thought the whole purpose of this trip was to cheer her up, Ceres. We can’t do that if she won’t even talk to us.” “Pallas thinks Serenity-sama should come out and play with us, too. It‘ll make her feel better.” “Yeah. I get that she’s feeling depressed about Helios-sama, but it’s been weeks since he fell into a coma, and there’s no telling when he’s going to come out of it -- if he ever will.” “Juno!” “Hey, I’m just being realistic about the situation. We all know it’s a real possibility, even the princess.” “Even so, I don’t think you should say it. What if Serenity-sama heard you?” From inside the room, Serenity moaned and buried her head underneath a pillow. She wished they would all go away and leave her alone. While she appreciated the fact that her friends were worried about her, nothing they could do would lift the black cloud that had settled over her. The only thing that could do that was to see Helios’ beautiful eyes open once again, shining with love and adoration. After a few more minutes of deliberation amongst the senshi outside her bedroom door, it was decided that Ceres would be the one to check in on her. The others left, their footsteps retreating downstairs. Serenity sat up when she heard the soft knock on the door. Though tempted to tell Ceres to go away, she sighed and told her to come in, knowing that she would anyway. “I didn’t realize you were awake,” Ceres said as she entered the room and saw Serenity brushing her hair in bed. “We didn’t wake you, did we? We were trying to be quiet.” “No, I was already up,” Serenity admitted. “I’ve been up since before dawn.” “The nightmares again?” She nodded. The sedatives Mercury had been giving her for the past few days had helped somewhat with her sleeping, but Mercury said she needed to learn to sleep again on her own, without the assistance of addicting sleep aids, and had refused to write her a prescription to take with her on the trip. Needless to say, the nightmares had returned in full force. Ceres took a seat on the mattress and placed a motherly hand against Serenity’s cheek. “Oh, Serenity-sama…” “It’s okay, Ceres.” She pulled down Ceres’ hand from her face, though she didn’t let it go. “Like Juno said, I know it’s a real possibility that Helios won’t wake up. Maybe these nightmares are to remind me of that, so I don’t get my hopes up too high.” “All they’re doing is depressing you more. You should be dreaming more hopeful dreams, dreams of love, beauty, and happiness.” “Tell that to my subconscious,” she weakly joked, managing a small smile that didn’t fool Ceres in the least. “Don’t feel like you have to put on an act for us, Serenity-sama. We all want to see you smile again, but not those fake smiles you’ve been giving us lately.” Serenity didn’t even try to deny it. “You shouldn’t worry about me so much,” she sighed. “I know you all want to cheer me up, but --” “-- but we’re just annoying you, aren’t we?” “I wouldn’t say it like that, but…” “What do you want?” Ceres asked. “Anything you want to do, we’ll do it. Just name it. If you want to go back to Crystal Tokyo, I‘ll have the jet put on stand-by. We can be back home by this afternoon.” The idea was tempting. Every minute she was away from Helios was another minute he could finally wake up, and Serenity hated the thought of not being there when it happened. But Pallas and the others had been so excited about spending the weekend at the beach house. She didn’t want to ruin the trip for them. Even if she was depressed, that didn’t mean her senshi couldn’t have fun. They deserved a vacation after all their training on the Moon, even if they were technically there as her guardians. “I’ll stay the weekend, as planned,” Serenity decided. “Are you sure you are okay with that?” She nodded. “Just…tell the others to give me some space. I know they mean well, but what I really want is to be left alone for awhile. Will you do that for me?” “Consider it done,” Ceres said, standing back up. “At least one of us will have to keep an eye on you at all times like always, but I’ll tell the others to be discreet about it. You won’t even know we’re here.” “Thanks, Ceres,” Serenity said, giving her a more sincere smile. “I appreciate it.” ***** Ceres kept her word. For the rest of the day, her senshi kept their distance. There was always at least one nearby, keeping guard over her as was their sacred duty, but they kept to themselves, standing outside doors or hiding in the shadows. If not for the occasional shouts and bursts of laughter she heard coming from the beach, Serenity would almost think she truly was alone. Serenity stayed mostly inside, studying. She had not lied when she told Misa she had a lot of schoolwork to catch up on due to her absence. To keep her mind off how much she missed Helios, she threw herself into her studies. It helped, a little. By the time she finished with her math homework, it was nearing sunset. Juno, the senshi currently on guard duty, poked her head inside the room to inform Serenity that it was time for dinner. Though she wasn’t feeling very hungry at the moment, Serenity followed Juno downstairs to the kitchen, knowing she had to eat something. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast, having skipped lunch to finish an essay for her Japanese literature class. One of the senshi had ordered two large pizzas, one pepperoni and one supreme. Serenity grabbed a paper plate from the stack beside the two boxes and selected a slice of pepperoni, her favorite. However, instead of joining the others at the table, she went out on the veranda and took a seat on the porch swing. She expected somebody to follow her, but the others remained inside, eating their dinner. Serenity suspected that was due to Ceres’ influence, for which she was grateful. Looking out at the crashing waves of the ocean, Serenity sighed and took a bite of her pizza. It tasted like cheesy cardboard to her, but if she didn’t finish at least one slice, she knew the others would worry. She continued eating until only the crust remained and set the plate aside. She then stood back up from the swing and took a seat on the top step leading down to the beach, her arms wrapped around her knees. The sun had nearly completed its descent into the horizon, the sky now a blend of purples and blues. It was still too light to see any stars, but Serenity found herself looking upward regardless, searching the heavens for any sign of the twinkling diamonds that were said to grant wishes. Though she realized the tradition of “wishing on stars” was nothing more than a silly children’s game, it couldn’t hurt to try. She eventually located one and closed her eyes, singing the traditional rhyme as she made her wish. When she had finished, Serenity slipped off her flip- flops and made her way down to the beach. She walked toward the ocean shore, letting the warm waters wash over her bare feet as she hugged herself against the cooling evening breeze. Her pigtails flapped slightly in the wind behind her like two pink party streamers. “Helios, I wish you were here,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know coming here was supposed to help me get my mind off you for a while, but it’s no use. I’m trying to be strong, but…” Her voice trailed off, and Serenity reached up with her right hand to wipe away a few wayward tears that had made their way down her cheek without her permission. “Damn it, I promised myself I wasn’t going to let myself cry while I was here.” To distract herself, she crouched down and began picking up the various seashells the waves had washed ashore, using the skirt of her sundress as a makeshift basket. In the back of her mind, she thought they would make nice decorations for a picture frame for one of her drawings, although it had been a while since she felt the desire to draw anything. Arts and crafts used to be one of her favorite hobbies, but, like most everything else that used to bring her joy, it no longer filled her with the same satisfaction. “Maybe I’ll sketch a picture of the beach for Diana as a souvenir, since she wasn‘t able to come with us,” Serenity mused aloud as she combed through the sand. “She’d like th--” Serenity froze as she picked up one of the shells. A deep golden yellow color, the shell in question was a turritella sea shell. It was long and narrow, and looked almost like a screw. However, that comparison was not the first to come to mind. It also bore a remarkable resemblance to Pegasus’ golden horn. Letting go of her skirt, the shells she had collected fell unceremoniously back on the sand, forgotten. Serenity fell to her knees and stared at the horn- shaped shell in her hand, feeling another round of tears coming on. That time, however, she let them fall, unable to stop them from flowing. ***** Somebody was holding her. For one brief moment, Serenity imagined it was Helios, the star having granted her wish. Her nose detected a familiar floral scent, however, and the voice that was murmuring words of comfort was unmistakably feminine. Through her tears, Serenity saw a blurry image of a girl with pink hair, slightly darker than her own. “Ceres…” “It’s okay, Serenity-sama,” Ceres said in a soft voice, rubbing Serenity‘s back in a soothing circular motion. “I’m here. You can cry on my shoulder. I don‘t mind. Cry as long as you like.” “Oh, Ceres!” No longer feeling the need to pretend to be strong, Serenity buried her face in the fabric of Ceres’ cardigan sweater, her arms wrapped around Ceres’ waist. Ceres held her even tighter, rocking her back and forth as sobs shook her body. “I want Helios back,” Serenity cried, feeling the shape of the turritella shell she still clutched in her right hand. “Bring him back, Ceres! Bring him back!” “More than anything, I wish I could, but…” “Bring him back to me!” she demanded yet again, not caring if it was an impossible request. “I can’t do this anymore. I want to see him!” “We’ll be heading back to Crystal Tokyo tomorrow; you‘ll see him again soon,” Ceres reminded her, but Serenity shook her head. “I don’t want to see him like that. I want to see him open his eyes, Ceres. I want to hear his voice. I want to feel his touch. I want to smell his scent as he embraces me. I want Helios back -- all of him, not just an empty shell of a body.” “You just need to be patient, Serenity-sama. He will return to you in time.” “You don’t know that!” Angry at Ceres -- and even angrier with herself for her lack of hope -- Serenity pushed her away and rose back to her feet. She began running along the shoreline, the waves crashing violently against the sand. The night sky, which had been clear before, was hidden behind a veil of dark clouds, and raindrops started to fall, mixing with the salty tears running down her face. “Serenity-sama, come back!” Ceres shouted over a boom of thunder. “A storm is coming! It’s dangerous! Let‘s go back inside.” Serenity didn’t care and kept running without even a glance back at Ceres. When she was younger, the thunder used to scare her, but now she welcomed it, the sound drowning out the voice in the back of her mind that kept telling her it was hopeless, everything was hopeless. She wanted to run away to a place of nothingness, where she would no longer feel pain or sorrow or despair. A world like that would be paradise, more so than this retched place that mocked her sadness with its beauty even during a storm. Ceres continued calling out to her, her voice strained as Serenity suspected she ran after her. In response, Serenity increased her speed, pushing herself as hard as she could. It was tough to run in the shifting sands, but the uneven terrain also made it difficult for Ceres to catch up to her; had the chase taken place on solid ground, Ceres would have reached her easily with her superior athletic abilities. Serenity didn’t stop until she stumbled over a sand dune; the darkness and the stinging tears in her eyes made it almost impossible to see. She cursed as she propped herself up with her arms. She was soaking wet, sand sticking to her skin and clothes like bread crumbs, and her head throbbed. Looking behind her, she saw Ceres still running toward her, about a quarter of a mile away. Serenity didn’t bother running again, too exhausted to keep going. Besides, no matter how far she ran, she would never find what she was looking for. Slowly, she dragged herself back up to her feet, intending to meet Ceres halfway, but something bobbing on top of the crashing waves caught her eye. Serenity squinted, struggling to make out what it was through the torrential rains. She gasped. “Is that…?” She couldn’t be positive, but the object seemed to have a vaguely human shape, about the size of a child, and it was struggling. Without a second thought, Serenity stripped off her dress and plunged into the stormy waters, ignoring Ceres’ high-pitched scream. Where is he? Serenity thought as she resurfaced in the spot where she had first seen the child. He was no where in sight. Serenity took in a deep breath and once again plunged into the depths. She couldn’t see in the black water, so she relied on touch, waving her arms around and hoping to make contact with something solid: an arm, a leg, even a handful of hair would do. She felt nothing but water. Just when she was about to resurface to take another breath before resuming her search, Serenity felt somebody’s arms wrap around her waist, forcibly pulling her back up. She gasped as the two of them broke through the surface, the air burning her lungs. “What do you think you’re doing?” Ceres asked, still holding Serenity by the waist. “Are you crazy? You could have died!” “Let me go, Ceres!” Serenity demanded, struggling to release herself from Ceres’ hold on her. “I have to save him!” “Who?” “The boy, the boy!” “What boy?” “He’s drowning! Please, Ceres, we have to find him before it’s too late!” Ceres let her go and started looking around. “Where is he?” “I don’t know. He was somewhere around here, but I can’t find him.” “He might have been pushed further offshore by the waves. You stay here and keep looking around this area. I’m a stronger swimmer than you, so I’ll check further out.” Serenity nodded her agreement and once again dunked under the waves as Ceres made her way toward open water. Mentally, she prayed that the boy was still alive, although she knew the longer it took to find him, the less likely that would be. Already, several minutes had passed since she first spotted him from the shore. “Kid!” she shouted upon resurfacing. “If you can hear me, say something! Please!” All she heard was the crash of ominous thunder. The storm was going to get worse before it got better. “Are you certain you saw a boy out here?” Ceres yelled over the booms, evidently having little luck on her end. “We were on a private beach. The public beach is several miles away, and I don’t see any boats on the water. Where did he come from?” “I don’t know, but I know what I saw. He’s out here somewh-- Ceres, there he is!” Serenity pointed to a spot less than ten feet away from Ceres. The head of a blond-haired boy bobbed above the waves, just barely managing to stay afloat. “Where? I don’t see him.” “Right there!” she shouted hysterically. “Ceres, help him! You’re closer to him.” “But I don’t see anybody there!” How could she not see him? Despite their poor visibility in the storm, the boy seemed to be glowing with a strange golden light. He was nearly impossible to miss. Serenity began swimming toward the boy, keeping her head above water so she could track him. She would not lose him again. “I’m coming!” she called out to the boy. “Just hang on a little longer…” Just then, a large wave crashed over the boy, submerging him into the depths. Serenity dove under, increasing her pace. The golden light surrounding the boy made him easy to track, but he was descending fast and made no attempt to fight back to the surface. Serenity feared the worst, but continued swimming toward him, her lungs feeling as if they were about to burst. *Please let him be okay,* she prayed. *Please!* When she finally reached the boy, she wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close. He was unconscious, completely unresponsive to her touch. Serenity had no idea if he was alive or dead. *I have to get us back to the surface,* she thought, *but I feel so tired…* She had reached her limit. With the last of her strength, Serenity cradled the boy in a motherly embrace, the two of them falling together into the depths of the ocean. ***** *I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Let me die. I don’t deserve to live… It’s all my fault.* DISCLAIMER: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi. AUTHOR'S NOTES: Any comments or criticisms can be sent to me at ElysionDream@aol.com. Special thanks to my editor Starsea.