Disclaimer:  Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, not me.
No money is being made from this fic.  It's all for fun.

Author's Notes:  This short story was penned for the ASMR Holiday
Challenge 2005, in which it placed third.  Make of it what you
will.  Comments and criticism are always welcomed.  I can be
reached at ziggymd24@yahoo.com

"All I Want For Christmas"
by Dave Ziegler

It was the night before Christmas, and if tradition stayed its course the 
suburbs of Juuban would be silent, peaceful, and reflective - a perfect greeting 
card portrait.  The crush of lovers, hawkers, and revelers that swamped downtown 
with their annual cheer would be kept strictly away.  Tradition, however, did 
not always prevail: a creeping form sneaked through the pristine tumble of fat 
snowflakes and sharp exchanges fractured the reverent quiet.

"Ar-te-mis!  Quit whining before you wake someone up!"

Aino Minako jerked the cage her feline friend was imprisoned in, reinforcing the 
importance of her hushed order as they neared the Tsukino residence.

"You think I'm going to catch someone's attention?"  Artemis was incredulous.  
"Have you seen yourself, Mina?  That outfit screams suspicious."

"Eh?"  Minako halted and spun about, blithely ignoring Artemis' harried pleas 
for mercy.  Her eye traveled the sumptuous burgundy velvet and white fur of her 
hat, evening gloves, thigh-high boots, and mini - it all looked perfectly fine 
to her.  More than fine, in fact.  The rainbow cast of the Tsukino's decorative 
lights made her look like an idol at a Christmas pageant.  

Minako giggled lightly.  "I don't know what you're talking about, Artemis.  It's 
Christmas Eve.  I blend right in."  She dropped the cage onto the snow, and 
retrieved a set of thin wires from her hat's cuff.

"No one's going to mistake you for Santa," Artemis groused.  "And you'll never 
pop that lock.  So, let's just forget this whole stupid idea and go home to 
bed."

The manic twist to Minako's grin intensified as she wrestled with the lock.  "Au 
contraire, fuzzy pear.  I've a talent for this.  Just a few more seconds and I 
can give you to Luna, and you can have lots of kitty snuggles, and it'll be the 
best Christmas ever, and... and... Oh, screw this."  Minako tossed the lock 
picks away and pointed her index finger at the door.

"Wait a minute, Mina!" Artemis yelped.  "You're not going to..."

"Crescent Beam!"

A sudden pulse of golden energy surged from Minako's finger and struck the door; 
it burst inward, nearly rattling the hinges free and coughing smoke from a fist-
sized hole where the lock once resided.  Minako pranced in self-congratulation 
before seizing Artemis' cage and racing into the house.

Tsukino Kenji and Ikuko were waiting for her.  Well, not precisely waiting for, 
but they were in the living room, gaping at her - from the floor - in front of 
the Christmas tree - red faced and tangled together.  Minako angled her head 
sideways.  Was that a blanket or the tree skirt?  Oh wait, that was Mrs. 
Tsukino's dress.

Her dress?

Minako's eyes grew wide and her cheeks suffused holly berry red.  She took a 
step back before catching herself, and then began frenetically playing with her 
hair.  "Merry Christmas!" she stammered.  "Uh... Ho Ho Ho!"  Minako blanched and 
bowed profusely.  "Not you Mrs. Tsukino!  You're fine!  I'm just... jolly.  
Yeah, jolly old me.  And, well, woman to woman, I understand.  It's good to be 
naughty every once and awhile, isn't it?  So, um, don't worry yourself at all!  
Santa approves!"

Minako giggled hysterically.  Artemis prayed for an end to his torment.  The 
Tsukinos' bewilderment, if you can imagine, became even more crushing.

"So, anyway," Minako began anew, "Santa's going to finish bestowing her gifts, 
and you can... well... finish bestowing yours!"  She punctuated her prattle with 
a beatific smile, and then blazed upstairs.

The second floor was dim, but Minako pushed quickly forward.  Physical memory 
guided her through the clutter of the landing, down the hall, and to a stop just 
outside Usagi's bedroom door.  She settled the cage upon the floor and dropped 
to all fours, drawn to Artemis' luminous eyes.

"Remember," she instructed the cat, "this isn't about you or Luna, Artemis.  
This is about my Christmas present - your gift to me.  And I demand 
grandchildren!"  Stars shone in Minako's eyes.  "Fuzzy, cuddly, cute, pink 
grandchildren that walk and talk and have shiny little moons on their 
foreheads!"  Just as suddenly as her delight manifested, it shriveled away.  "No 
substitutions accepted.  We clear?"

"It doesn't work that quickly," Artemis protested.  "Besides..."

"Yeah, yeah.  Whatever."  Minako scooted to her feet, and blew Artemis a kiss.  
"Don't let me down, Casanova."

"Mina, please..."

"Too late," she grinned.  Minako rapped hard on Usagi's door.  "Merry 
Christmas!" she shouted.

"Hey you!  What are you doing in my house?"

Instinctively, Minako turned toward the voice.  Mr. Tsukino was racing up the 
stairs, seemingly recovered and fully cognizant.  There was a certain quality to 
his eyes that just didn't seem tuned into the Christmas spirit.  "Stop right 
there!" he called again.

"Uh oh, time for me to beat off.  See ya, Artemis!"

Minako scrambled down the hallway and ducked through the first door she came to.  
The room's increased darkness concerned her less than the incessant thumps of 
rapidly approaching footsteps.  She began to grope for the doorknob, but almost 
fell backward when an earsplitting scream erupted from outside.

"Why isn't Daddy wearing clothes?  Mama!"

Poor Usagi, Minako considered.  Sugarplums wouldn't be the only things dancing 
in her dreams tonight.  Aha!  Minako seized upon the doorknob and flipped the 
lock just as Mr. Tsukino's latest demand for her surrender came from just beyond 
the room.

"Shingo!" Mr. Tsukino yelled, pounding on the door.  "Shingo, open up!"

"Shingo?"

A light flared to life and for a few moments all Minako could see was a 
gradation of grey streaming past her eyes.  It cleared quickly though, revealing 
Shingo sitting up in bed, table lamp on, trying his damnedest to ogle every inch 
of her at once.

"What a great dream."

"Nope.  Not a dream, sweetie," Minako said, racing over to the bed.  "But Santa 
needs your help, okay?  Please don't open the door until I've magicked myself 
away."

Shingo looked from Minako to the door and back.  "I can do that, but only if you 
let me take some pictures," he said, producing a Polaroid from his bedside 
table.  "Three at the minimum."  He waggled a trio of fingers to emphasize his 
point.  

"Pictures?"  Minako looked quizzically at the young boy.  Outside, the banging 
was becoming more forceful, Mr. Tsukino was yelling for his son, Usagi was 
screeching about horrific trauma, and somewhere in all the mess Mrs. Tsukino was 
imploring her husband to put a robe on.  "You want to take pictures of me?"

"It'll be the best Christmas gift ever," Shingo lasciviously remarked, already 
raising the camera.

Minako seized a pillow that had been kicked to the end of the bed and attacked.  
"Santa doesn't bring gifts to dirty little wankers!" she raged.  Her first blow 
knocked the camera from the boy's hands, while the second connected with his 
temple.  Shingo hunkered against the bed, and threw his hands above his head.  
"Do you think," Minako ranted, landing hit after hit, "that any girl's gonna 
like you if all you do is stare at her exceptionally nice legs or perfect 
bosom?"

"Ow!  Stop," Shingo pleaded.  "Please!"

"Answer Santa, little boy!" Minako cackled.

"Shingo!  Shingo, I'll save you!" Mr. Tsukino bellowed.  The barrage against the 
door seemed to redouble.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Didn't do anything?  Ha!" Minako continued her flurry of attacks.  "Admit your 
guilt!  Or do you really want to find out what 'you better be good for goodness 
sake' means?"

"No!"

"No what?  Tell Santa exactly what you mean!"

"No, she won't like me!" Shingo cried.

Minako tossed the pillow away and deserted the bed.  "Let that be a lesson to 
you," she advised, unlatching the window and throwing it up.  The sudden gust of 
wintry air caused her to shiver.  "Santa'll be watching very closely this year.  
So, no more perverted behavior, or else..."  The graven menace of those last 
words had Shingo nodding in spite of himself.   

Pleased with her holiday redemption of Shingo, which had been easily managed 
with absolutely no angels or spirits present, Minako sat upon the sill, tapped 
the side of her nose, nodded, and threw herself through the window.  She gave a 
startled shriek as she slapped against the screen, snapped it free of its 
moorings, and tumbled to the snow below.  

"That hurt," Minako complained, as she slowly crawled to her feet.  Her face 
felt like it had been pushed through a sieve, her clothes were wet, and between 
a painful ache and the snow that had crept up her skirt, her bum was filing 
several complaints.

"Don't move!"  Mr. Tsukino dangled from the window, waving his fists 
emphatically.

His voice propelled Minako into motion.  She dashed out into the street and down 
a house before turning around and waving to the commotion of people at the 
Tsukino's window.  "Merry Christmas to all," she called out to them, "and to all 
a good flight!"

CHRISTMAS DAY

"Usagi-chan!  Luna!  You shouldn't have!" Minako gushed, eyeing up the large 
glittering parcel.  The paper was a lovely red foil with images of Santa Claus 
dotting its surface, and it caught the morning light with such spectacle it 
almost seemed shameful to destroy it.

"Not at all, Minako-chan.  We're good friends, aren't we?" Usagi asked, a large 
smile plastered across her face.  "Besides, Luna and I both agree you really 
deserve this."

"May I?" Minako pleaded.  It was big.  It was shiny.  It was for her.  It needed 
to be opened now!

"Go ahead."

Minako needed no further prompting and tore into the wrapping with fervor.  When 
all the flying paper had fluttered to the ground, the solider of Venus held a 
large cage propped on her lap.  

Artemis looked sadly out at her.  "They re-gifted me," he muttered.

The End