~One Dark and Perverted Night~
PART 11: "Revenge is Best Served Nude"
Haruka whistled jauntily as she hopped up the Hikawa Shrine's steps, flipping her shaggy blonde hair back with an appreciative smirk. She couldn't *wait* to hear all the lamentations of her fellow Senshi about last night ("Ohhh Haruka-san, it was awful, we saw Mamoru-san *changing into his nightclothes*!" "Oh, the horror!" "It was so *dark* and *scary*"). It seemed they'd been pretty good about averting discovery; Mamoru had been all too cheery as Haruka accosted him on his way to work (which had probably been strange in itself, but hey, the Outer could care less what people thought of her). Either he was damn good at playing the innocent card, or the man really had no clue just what had gone down in his closet last night...
The woman sighed. She had to admit, it might have been more fun had the girls been caught... Oh well. She hoped the experience had been scarring, at the very least (*evil, maniacal grin*).
"Hey, Rei-san!" Haruka called as she ascended the final step, waving to the aforementioned teen, who was wearing her usual priestess robes and an ornery countenance. The girl with raven hair paused in her sweeping to glare at Haruka as she approached. "Ooh, someone doesn't look too happy to see me."
"Like hell I'm not!" Rei exclaimed, brandishing her broom like a sword. "You best keep your distance today, Tenoh Haruka, or I'll sic Phobos and Deimos on you! They're pretty damn accurate when it comes to clawing a person's eyeballs out!"
Haruka, not daunted in the slightest, merely chuckled. "I take it the dare went... unsatisfactorily?"
"Unsatis... UNSATISFACTORILY!? WE HAD TO SIT THROUGH USAGI AND MAMORU-SAN *FUCKING*!! TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY COULD BE SATISFACTORY IN *THAT*!"
Haruka froze. "You- she- he... but... but..."
"I CAN NEVER LOOK AT THE TWO OF THEM THE SAME WAY, EVER AGAIN!" Rei howled, advancing on Haruka with the broom dangerously aloft. The blonde nervously backed away, hands held palm-up in acquiescence.
"N-now... now... surely *some* good came out of your captivity... Deeper friendship? Enlightenment? *Appreciation for personal space*?"
"OH, QUITE!" Rei, still shouting, intoned sarcastically. "MINAKO-CHAN'S GONE CERTIFIABLY INSANE DUE TO EXCESSIVE PORNOGRAPHIC IMAGES, MAKO-CHAN'S DEVELOPED SOME PERVERTED FETISH *AND* SHE'S HARBORING DELINQUENT SECRETS, AND AMI-CHAN'S IN A FRIGGING COMA! *A COMA*!" The ebony-headed girl gestured wildly toward her bedroom, and Haruka took that to mean that the Senshi were housing poor, catatonic Ami there. Unfortunately, the racing prodigy didn't have much time to ponder this before homicidal Rei started pummeling her with a flea-infested sweeping instrument.
"O-ow, dammit, Rei-san! I had nothing to do with that!"
"YOU DARED US...!"
"It's not like I *asked* Koneko-chan to go fuck Mamoru-san last night! You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time!"
Rei seemed to collect herself at this. She patted down her disheveled hair and cleared her throat awkwardly. "Um... right. Yeah. Er, sorry. So... won't you come inside?"
Haruka stared.
"Oh, for heaven's sake! I promise I won't hit you with the broom anymore! Besides, Mako-chan, Minako-chan, and Michiru-san are sitting inside with Ami-chan... and we still have to discuss our end of the bargain."
"*Your* end?"
"Surely you haven't forgotten we get to dare you and Michiru-san? That *is* the point of this meeting, isn't it? Don't worry... the Inners and I had *plenty* of time to talk revenge last night."
"Shit."
oOo
"You're late."
Haruka winced at Michiru's light scold as she gingerly entered Rei's crowded bedroom. "Fashionably. It's the best kind."
"I wouldn't call walking in with bits of straw and dirt in your hair 'fashionable', dear."
"Er, that's my fault. I sort of, um-"
"*Mauled* me upon arrival?"
"Jumped the gun," Rei corrected, giving the woman an apologetic smile that Haruka didn't reciprocate.
"Well, I think grungy is a good look for Haruka-san," a pleasant voice opined, and everyone whirled toward the bed.
"Ami-chan!"
"You're *alive*!"
"Regrettably," the blue-haired erudite grimaced, touching her temple. "I feel like I've been dragged by my arms and legs for miles. And my head is *killing* me!"
No one decided to comment.
"What's going on?" Ami finally inquired, after taking stock of the various aches and pains afflicting her body.
"It's our turn to... ah, *punish*... Haruka-san and Michiru-san," Makoto answered, rubbing her hands together excitedly. "But there's a catch- we Inners have agreed that, due to the unfortunate circumstances which befell us last night, *each* of us gets to add to the overall dare. It's only fair after enduring a torture of that sort."
"WHAT!? THAT WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN-"
"Haruka," Michiru cut in, "Shut up. I've already agreed."
"HOW COULD YOU MAKE A DECISION LIKE THAT WITHOUT ME!?"
"As I recall it, you were 'fashionably' late."
The warrior of wind pursed her lips, resisting rebuttal. If Michiru was anything, it was that she was always right. Rei took up where Makoto left off. "Now that Ami-chan's awake, it appears we can begin. I'll go first."
Haruka waited with bated breath as the priestess paused for dramatic effect.
"Haruka-san, I dare you and Michiru-san to attend your next racing match... *nude*."
"...NUDE!? I CAN'T RACE FUCKING *NUDE*! I'M A CELEBRITY! IT'LL END UP POSTED ON EVERY FRIGGING MAGAZINE AND NEWSPAPER OUT THERE!"
"A dare's a dare, Haruka-san," Minako shrugged, blue eyes gleaming with mirth and anticipation. "Michiru-san doesn't seem to care that much."
"SHE'S NOT THE ONE RACING NUDE!!!"
"I'm somewhat of a star as well, Haruka," Michiru reminded her partner sternly. "I'm just vastly more mature than yourself and therefore have accepted that making a huge fuss will get me nowhere."
"Don't you care about the reputation you have to uphold!?" Haruka nearly wailed, but with mercifully less volume.
"No," Michiru said simply, smiling now. "And I don't recall you ever caring either, even when we outed to the paparazzi that we were lovers."
"But this is different," the blonde sobbed. "I don't want to ride naked on my motorbike. It's *uncomfortable*!"
"You mean you've done it before?" Ami asked in an odd voice.
Haruka didn't answer. Instead, she buried her face in her arms on the table.
"I'm *fucked*."
"And we're not even done the dare yet," Rei laughed cheerfully, to which Haruka bestowed an ugly glare in her direction. "Minako-chan?"
Minako released an evil cackle. "My dare is very fitting. You and Michiru-san must, after the race and without donning clothing, spend the night in Tsukino Kenji and Tsukino Ikuko's closet."
Suddenly, Haruka wasn't the only one having a breakdown.
"USAGI-SAN'S PARENTS!?" Michiru exclaimed, eyes wide. "...NAKED!?"
"Oh, and we personally don't mind if you get caught. Really, we don't. Mako-chan?"
"Michiru-san, Haruka-san, I then dare you to enter Mamoru-san's apartment complex (you may have clothes this time) and take a... erm... special elevator ride." Makoto paused as she choked on giggles, the other Senshi snickering at the horror displayed on Michiru and Haruka's visages.
"You wouldn't..." the latter, aghast, murmured.
"Dear God, what have we *done*?" Michiru moaned. "No- what has that *closet* done to you!?"
"You are *sick*. Evil. Twisted. *Dirty*. I know exactly what you are implying, and we will NOT be doing it!" Haruka said hysterically.
"Would you just hear me out?" Makoto, still leering forebodingly, continued. "Whilst in that elevator, I want you two to make out. Haruka-san... seeing as the closet was all your idea, *you* get to be the one to fake an orgasm. We followed through with our part of the dare... now you have to do the same! Or are you a *coward*?"
Haruka looked positively green. She turned to Michiru, asking wildly but with utter seriousness, "The dreaded Silence isn't such a bad end for the world, is it? I mean, hey, maybe we can track down Pharaoh 90; I bet Hotaru's father knows... well, after he gets over his amnesia, but we can rectify that, right? Hell, maybe we can find good ol' Chaos while we're at it! If we're going to allow evil to invade earth tomorrow, why not invite everybody?"
"Haruka, I really hate it when you joke with such morbid passion," Michiru frowned, turning to Ami and sighing, "Ami-san, we await the final bidding."
"Just... take mercy," Haruka pleaded.
Ami seemed to contemplate for a few seconds, then smiled warmly. "I dare you to eat grass."
All the Senshi except Haruka and Michiru groaned loudly. "Leave it to Ami-chan for the anti-climactic dares!"
Haruka laughed in relief, tears of joy shining in her eyes as she opened her arms. "God, Ami-san, I think I could kiss you right now! C'mere so I can give you a great, big-"
"Eep!" THUNK!
"... hug?" Haruka gaped with confusion at the now limp form of Ami, draped awkwardly over the pillow. "Um... what did I say?"
"You said 'big', that's what," Makoto, shaking her head in exasperation, explained. "I wouldn't suggest using that word around her for the next, oh, twenty years? At least until the shock of seeing male genitalia when aroused wears off."
"Er... right."
oOo
That night...
Haruka sat in a darkened office, currently appraising the phone with intense concentration. Brow furrowed, fingers tapping incessantly, and feet fidgeting, she seemed on the brink of some terribly important decision. Until-
"Hotaru? ... Firefly?"
"Yes, Haruka-papa?" the voice of a flustered and occupied preteen called back, television muffling her reply.
"What's your father's phone number?"
~The End~
A/N: It's been fun, guys. XD I'm going to miss the crazy mishaps of this story! Here's one last HUZZAH before I depart ^_^
The AU "Deleted Scene", in which the Inners DID bring a camera and the evidence "accidentally" got back to Tsukino Kenji... heh heh heh... I like to call it "Daddy on a Rampage"! Hahaha theme it like a scene from a horror movie... with of course humor laced in...
This came to me in the shower ^^
oOo
"Mamo-chan, GET OUT OF THERE! *He's* coming! And he *knows*!" Usagi's voice screamed into the receiver. Mamoru froze, blood pumping wildly. His heart thumped like a frantic drumbeat, making the college student fight off dizziness.
"But how, I-"
"I dunno, he got some pictures or a video or... or *something* at work; I don't know who could have-"
"I have a pretty good idea," Mamoru growled through gritted teeth, fingers clenching in homicidal rage around the phone.
"*Whatever*; that's not the point! The point is that *my father* is coming to your apartment with a *loaded shotgun*!"
"Oh hell, Usako-"
"JUST RUN!" Usagi howled again, slamming down the phone before he could protest anymore. Not that the man was sure he even could... his throat was closing up; palms going sweaty... 'This is it, Chiba. Not exactly going out in a blaze of glory, ten Negascum joining you, eh? No, death by Daddy on a Rampage, for knocking up his daughter...'
DING-DONG!
"OH FUCK, he's HERE!" Mamoru wasted about a second's thought before hurling his body out the window and off the balcony- hey, if he was going to die, might as well do it in style! Although... this was rather frightening... The ground was coming up to meet him *very* fast... Ouch, pavement? Damn, this was going to hurt. Mamoru scrunched up his eyes.
'I love you forever, Usako! But your father just scares me shitless!'
Meanwhile, outside Chiba Mamoru's apartment...
DING-DONG!
"Chiba-san? Chiba-san! I've got your pizza!"
DING-DONG!
"Chiba-san...? Aw, damn, don't tell me the guy's out... Fuck service! I'm hungry. Pepperoni sounds good, I think I'll- say, who's moaning on the elevator? (*Ding!*) Sounds like... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!"
Meanwhile, in a broken, battered, bloody, painful heap on hot pavement under the afternoon sun...
"Fancy meeting you here, Chiba Mamoru," Tsukino Kenji spat, staring down at his mangled prey from the barrel of a shotgun. "It's too bad my judgement's shot due to lack of sleep... strange, naked women in my closet last night and all that... Pity I haven't much sympathy for the college student who KNOCKED UP MY BABY."
"...Well this is just fucking ironic."
FIN!
oOo
Hee hee! I too needed to go out in a blaze of glory ;)
~Please review!~
AngelMoon Girl
