~One Dark and Perverted Night~
* denotes italics.
' denotes thought.
PART 4: "Closet Coquettes and Close Calls"
"Oh my God, oh my God!" Minako freaked, waving her hands so fast that she was either attempting to fly away or perform some strange new mating ritual. "What do we doooo?"
"The closet," Rei hissed, literally shoving the other three in, then joining the trio in one swift bound. The closet slammed shut behind them in all the commotion, but hopefully Mamoru was far enough away that he didn't suspect anything. Everyone landed unceremoniously into a pile of- who'da thunked it?- more pea green jackets. Apparently, these were the sorry bunch that hadn't survived past Mamoru's chest... buffening. If that was even a word. Being Tuxedo Kamen- or perhaps just a superhero in general- did wonders to one's physique. Their clothes suffered, but Tokyo's female population certainly did *not*.
The front door announced a new presence in the apartment with an almighty creak. Heavy footsteps shuffled inward, along with the sound of keys being haphazardly dropped onto a counter. Ami squeezed her eyes shut in terror, and Rei took the opportunity to throw a spare jacket over the blunette's head.
"We can't be seen," she reminded when the teen started protesting. Minako and Makoto followed suit as their raven-headed friend peeked out through a slit in the door. There was another moment of footfalls, accompanied by rummaging. The quartet heard Mamoru cursing a work-borne headache and muttering something about "remedies". Rei sighed, wishing and not wishing that she could observe what was happening. It was better this way, but ignorance was just so *frustrating*.
Cabinents opened and slammed. Then, a bottle was uncorked.
"Think he's drinking beer?" Minako whispered interestedly.
"Nah, Mamoru-san? He's more refined than that; I'd wager a bet it's wine," Makoto countered, earning herself a baleful eye from the fire priestess.
"Shh!"
Makoto just rolled her eyes. "We won't have much to worry about if he gets hammered, Rei-chan."
"I never would've imagined Mamoru-san as an alcoholic," Ami added as her two cents, in a teeny voice from beneath the jacket cloaking her. The other three sweatdropped.
"Oh, Ami-chan," Minako sighed.
"Honey, just because people have a drink or two once in a while when they're frustrated does not make them an alcoholic," Makoto explained patiently, the merest hint of humor coloring her tone. "Personal experience: some good heavy vodka just calms you right down."
"But- but... that's illegal!" Ami spluttered in squeaky protest. "We're underage!"
"So is breaking and entering, but we've gone over this already," Rei juxtaposed. Ami didn't say anything else after that.
Suddenly, their conversation was snipped short when Mamoru ambled into his bedroom. Rei soundlessly shot away from the slit, cursing fate when Mamoru decided to head, not for his first closet, but the one they were in. Minako and Makoto paled as they shoved themselves deeper into the corner with Ami, the viridian bane of life already secreting them. Unfortunately, no room was left for Rei to squeeze in, so the ebony head was stuck jacketless in the opposite corner. With some prodigious quick-thinking, the Mars deity stood up, pressed herself against the wall, and slipped behind a cluster of green. Then prayed feverishly that it'd be dark enough Mamoru wouldn't notice her flip-flops poking out betrayingly...
The closet door moaned as Mamoru wrenched it open. No one breathed as he carelessly tossed his current pea overcoat in. They all gaped at the half-full wine bottle clutched in his right hand, and the manner in which their friend's paramour disposed himself of his garment. Either he was teetering on the brink of inebriation or the world was coming to a terrible end... because Mamoru was perhaps one of the neatest individuals ever to walk the earth...
Minako stiffened. Makoto glanced over at her, eyes popping.
Fuck it all, the girl was about to sneeze!
"Hold it," the brunette mouthed, watching the little battle Minako was engaged in with her nose. It was twitching oddly. Makoto began getting weird visions of bunnies... hopping around... in a field...
Dammit, now *she* wanted some wine! Or vodka...
Mamoru yawned, turning around and stumbling back into the kitchen. Without even latching the closet back into place.
Most definitely 100% drunk. Maybe there *was* some truth to Ami's alcoholic theory...? 'Nah', Rei brushed it away. He probably just couldn't hold his liquor...
"Is it just me..." Minako hissed, before relieving herself gently with a muffled "*Achoo*!"
"Yes?" Ami prompted, peeking a cerulean eye out.
"Ah, much better. Is it just me, or is Mamoru-san *really* hot when he's drunk?" the blonde finished.
Everyone groaned.
"God, not again!" Rei lamented, gaze pleading heavenward for an end to this nightmare. "Minako-chan, you flirt with *anything* that walks and has a penis! Don't you care that he's taken- lock and key?"
"Hey," Minako whined, observing as the flame maiden crawled over and mutely slid the closet shut again... it wasn't like Mamoru was going to remember in *his* state. "That's not nice! I don't flirt with everything that walks and has a penis! 'Cuz that would include like... *dogs* and other animals and stuff! And... that's just nasty..."
"Well, technically-" Ami started, but Makoto smacked a hand over the pedantic's mouth.
"Not. Another. Word. We *really* don't need to start an argument about whether dogs have penises or not."
"Yeah, I'd like to keep dinner where it belongs," Rei concurred, trying to keep her mental images PG as she rubbed her stomach. If this was seriously what they had to look forward to tonight...
Suddenly, things got a little more interesting.
The doorbell began ringing, in an annoying fashion... over and over and over....
And only one person they knew did that.
Okay, well *two*, but one of them was safely at home in the future. So that just left one certain odango who could be calling Mamoru at this late hour...
TBC
Please review!
~AngelMoon Girl
