Whiskey Tango Foxtrot by Papirini

6: May Contain Nuts

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT

6: May Contain Nuts

“DEATH TO THE MOON QUEEN!!”

The army was having the time of their lives. They were marching through the halls of the steadily collapsing Moon Palace, tearing through the rooms of the sailor senshi and servants, as they made their way to the royal treasury. Some used the beds to have their way with the women they'd captured along the way, while others stuffed their pants with jewels and silks.

"Come on!" Nephrite sighed, as the troops trashed the rooms. "We need to get to the treasury so we can loot it and get back to our leader and kill the rest of the survivors. We haven't got all day!"

"Let them go," Zoicite took a puff of another joint. "We'll get to the treasury when we get there."

"Easy for you to say, pothead." At this, Nephrite turned to Jadeite. "Jadeite, get stupid demon thing back into your chest! You're scaring the women!"

"I'm trying, I'm trying!" Jadeite, covered in blood, was smacking the tentacle monster embedded in his chest - which was sniffing one of the crying captive girls - on the head. "Bad Sparky, bad! You already ate! Get in there! Get in!"

*BADA-BOOOM!*

Suddenly, the sound of falling rocks outside caught everyone's attention. Everyone jumped, and Jadeite's inner demon gave a yelp and a whimper as it retreated into Jadeite's chest.

“That's right, you little assmuncher....” Buttoning his shirt up, Jadeite looked at the rocks. “Is this castle falling apart?”

“Yes.”

“Man,” Jadeite sighed. “You'd think that with all the technology this place has, their palace wouldn't just collapse on its own.”

“Actually,” Zoicite looked up. “I think it's the Metaria demon. Look.”

At this, the other two generals looked up and gave a scream. The Metaria monster was above them, eating the roof of the palace. The generals could see its eyes staring at them through the big hole it had created; for a moment they thought the monster would devour them.

Seconds after seeing the fearsome creature, Jadeite leaped into Zoicite's arms.

“....Get off me.” Zoicite dropped his comrade onto the floor. “Pansy.”

“Uh...” Nephrite gulped as the Metaria monster slowly floated off. “We should, uh, probably get going to the treasury now. Right, troops!”

Nephrite turned to give orders to his troops, only to find them gone. Lifting his head up, he heard the echo of voices down the hall. It came from the royal treasury.

“gold! gold!”

“yayayayay give me something...”

“wooooooooow we're rich!!!”

“LOOK!” The three general heard as they entered the hall, they heard the shout. “IT'S A GOLD STATUE OF A NAKED GIRL!! LET'S GIVE IT TO ONE OF THE GENERALS!!”

“YEAH!” There was a chorus of agreement. “ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY CAN'T GET A REAL ONE THEMSELVES!!”

“HO!!!!”

“....Naked?”

Looking at each other at this declaration, the three generals suddenly broke into a run. Zoicite had been right - there was booty to be had.

!~*~!

“You....”

Serenity clung to Endymion as tightly as she could as she stared at Beryl, the stalker, the usurper, the destroyer of worlds. Beryl, in turn, looked at Serenity with a toothy smile.

“Aah, Princess Serenity.” She struck the bridge with her staff. “At last we meet.”

At the touch of her staff, the bridge that connected the Moon Palace to the Prayer Tower - the last hope for escape - crumbled like talc to the ground. Beryl still stood, however, floating in front of the two lovers as she pointed her staff at them, her red eyes glaring at them.

“You are as beautiful as they say. If only it were under less violent circumstances.” Beryl's orb glowed. “But you know what I'm capable of. You can see it all around you, and I'm sure Endymion here told you all about me. Didn't you, dear?”

“He told me enough about you.” Serenity mustered up a glare. “And I won't let you destroy this kingdom!”

“.....A bit late for that,” Beryl shrugged. “But whatever. I think you know what I'm really after here, so just cut the dramatic bullshit and let go of Endymion. Seriously, save yourself the trouble.”

“Never!”

“Never?” Beryl's orb began to flash brightly. “I think you may want to reconsider your answer before you become princess-flavored Jell-o.”

“Your threats won't work, Beryl.” Endymion drew his sword. “I'm not prepared to let you break us up over your petty jealousy.”

“.....Ok, whatever. Suit yourselves.”

At this, Beryl thrust her staff forward, throwing a blast of energy at the lovers. However, it missed them by inches, instead blasting off a piece of wall next to them. Serenity gave a cry, and clung onto Endymion tighter, hoping, praying her prince could protect her.

Endymion...my love...!

The next moments became fuzzy for her. She suddenly started to stumble forward, as if she had been pushed. She turned and thought she saw Endymion with his arms in front of him, his eyes as big as saucers. She didn't understand; she wasn't sure she wanted to.

Did....did he just....?!

But then, in the next moment, it was not her, but Endymion who was going forward, floating in front of Beryl. Serenity stumbled, felt herself falling until she was right beneath Endymion's feet, as she heard Beryl speak through gritted teeth, heard him scream in response. She couldn't make out the words, not quite.

“Orgasm on this.”

“No.....NO!! N-”

Then it happened. The energy in Beryl's staff went right through Endymion's lower torso and crotch, splattering blood all over Serenity. The princess gave a scream as the sorceress then grabbed his sword from his shaking hand and stabbed right through where she had blasted him, pushing the blade up until it burst from the nape of his neck. More blood

“NOOOO!!!!!”

Serenity screamed as the body of her beloved fell in front of her, saw the blood on her and the blood pouring from his body. Above her, Beryl looked at the body, surprised at her reaction, though overall, she seemed pleased with what just happened.

“No....” Serenity began to shake violently as she cried. “En.....endy....mion...!!”

Beryl just gave a sigh as she looked at the scene before her. It was pretty messy, she had to admit, and worse, she knew how hard it was to clean blood up. She could certainly sympathize with the princess on that level.

Meanwhile, shouts began to emanate from below, as the ballroom finally collapsed in a big funnel of smoke. The fire was slowly spreading through the palace, engulfing the queen's throne room and the princess' private quarters.

“Well!” Beryl wiped her hair out of her face. “That was quicker than I thought it would be. To think I thought he'd put up a fight instead of throw you out to save himself. Coward.”

"Y...." Serenity was sobbing hysterically. "You killed him...!"

"Yes, yes I did." Floating to the ground, Beryl stared at Serenity's blood-stained dress. "Oh dear, I hope you're got some Shout. That's a nasty stain."

"You....you impaled him!!"

"I'm sorry, are you...?" At this, Beryl looked at Endymion's mangled body. "Weeeell, so I did. I also emasculated him. Good riddance. Can I get you something drink, princess? Maybe something to eat?"

"Y-you..." At this, Serenity grabbed the hilt of her lover's sword and pulled it out of him. "You're....the one who s-said.....she would kiss him.....you.....you witch!!"

At this, Serenity brought the bloody sword in front of her and began to charge at Beryl. Nonplussed by the fact she was about to lose her intestines, Beryl grabbed the blade seconds before it cleaved her in half, and and yanked it out of Serenity's hands.

"You...!"

"Now, now," Beryl casually tossed the sword out of the hole behind her. "There's no need to be violent about this.....Though,” she paused. “Coming from me, that sounds a bit hypocritical. I guess that ripping a hole in him was a bit overkill on my part. Eheheh...."

"Why?!" Deprived of a weapon, Serenity instead tried to claw at Beryl's face. "Why did you....how can you do this?!"

"Why not?" Beryl looked surprised. "Seriously, calm the hell down. It's not like I was going to actually kill you."

"Well, I'd rather be dead!" Finally, her attacks moot, the princess collapsed, crying. "Oh, my love...my love....is.....dead. There's nothing left for me...."

At this the princess sobbed into Beryl's cleavage before falling to the floor. Her shoulders heaved up and down violently; her loss was too great for words, as was her hate as she looked up at Beryl.

"You can have your kiss now," she gasped. "You evil woman!"

"...Eh?" Beryl tilted her head to the side. "What are you talking about? Unless.........."

"Go on!" Serenity almost screamed. "HAVE IT, you monster!"

"...Well, if you insist."

Her face turned as red as her hair at the thought, but decided to sate her curiosity anyhow. With that, she bent down to Serenity and lifted her head, and began to close in on her lips.

"Wh...." Serenity's teary eyes widened at the move. "What are you doing?!"

"Kissing you."

"NO!" The slap made no difference to Beryl's face, as it was red enough already. "Endymion! You said you desired to kiss him. Well, he's right there, so go ahead and do whatever to his dead corpse, you...you shameless....!"

"Oh....oooohoho!" At this, Beryl began to cackle. "Are you serious? Kiss him? Honey, I already kissed him once. I'd rather not kiss him again."

"Huh..."

"Silly girl." The sage rolled her eyes. "I just did most of what I was setting out to do when I started this campaign. Seriously, I did you a favor. You have no idea how lucky you are that you escaped unscathed."

"What are you talking about....?!" Serenity sniffed. "Didn't you say you were going to kiss him after...you killed his father?"

"Kiss him? Oh, so that's what he told you, hmm? Well, see all those guys out there?" At this, Beryl pointed to the people of Earth down below, who were bringing out armloads of gold from the royal treasury. "All those guys are here because I called on them to join me. Granted, their strength has been enhanced by..." At this, Beryl cleared her throat, "supernatural......means.....but they're really just letting out their long-simmering rage, with little help from me.”

“Oh, really.”

“Yeah, really. Not against you guys specifically, per se, though you guys ignored us a lot when we complained about what was going on with Endymion, and I was thinking the queen would make a great slave. And, well," Beryl gave a nervous chuckle as sounds of violence continued outside. "I guess boys will be boys."

At this, Beryl walked over to Endymion's body and stuffer her hands into what was left of his pants, much to Serenity's disgust. Moments later, she dragged out a bloodied, tattered piece of paper, which she promptly handed to the princess. Grabbing it warily, Serenity began to read. It was the letter he had started to write when he had been with her.

"'Friday. To my beloved Maria'." Serenity began to read; confused, she looked up at Beryl. "Who...?"

"His fourth wife." Beryl nodded after seeing Serenity's stunned expression. "Yeah. Not that that satisfied him, of course."

"You mean....then he......” Serenity's heart froze at the words. “Who else....?"

"Everyone else's wife," Beryl shrugged. "I warned everyone after he divorced me and I found out I was actually his second wife and he was still married to his first wife, but did anyone listen? Of course not. I'm just the insane sorceress with the unnecessary cleavage. So every attempt to stop him failed. Not even your momma would stop him. So, you know, why not? I'm doing the universe a favor here."

"I....." Tears fell once more from the princess' eyes. "I....never knew....he lied....all this time..."

"There, there...." Beryl gave the princess a hug, patting her on the back. "No more tears. Come on, now, think about yourself!"

At this, Beryl went and began to drag the body of Endymion towards the window. Sniffing, Serenity went and grabbed the legs.

"Honestly," Beryl gave a grunt. "You're probably.....the only person he hasn't deflowered! The last virgin left....in this solar system! You must have a...lot of willpower and stamina to resist his oozing charm and abnormally...ugh...large penis."

"Uh....uh huh...sort of....but....his father..."

"Oh, his father has a corn farm in Kansas. Nice guy, I met him a month ago. See, I'm not a naturally....urgh...violent person..." Picking up the prince's arms off the floor, Beryl began to heave. "On the count of three, by the way. I was....so mad when I found out he was married.....I.....actually blew up a mountain."

"Ok....." Serenity sniffled some more. "That's....terrible, I guess...."

"Oh yeah.....worst....conniption ever." Beryl swung. "Ok, one......two.....three!!"

With that, both women let go of the corpse, which unceremoniously tumbled down the side of the building and lay crumbled at the bottom. At the sight of it, the Earthlings, and the three commanders remaining around them, cheered and tore the body apart without delay, leaving only a pile of blood, torn cape, some bone and a used condom in its roaring wake.

"DIE!!! DIIIIIIIIE!!!!!"

Hats, Pop Tarts, gold, underwear and pieces of Endymion's was thrown into the air in celebration as the two females floated down to the troops. With a smile, Beryl waved with a gently cupped hand; Serenity simply looked on, her face mirroring the confusion and shock in her heart.

"Aaaaalll right!" At this, Beryl motioned the group into silence. "Now, we are at the dawn of a new era! As my first act in power, I, Queen Beryl..." At this, the group cheered again. "Do hereby proclaim this day to be......Stupid Dead Bastard Day, in honor of the stupid dead bastard that is truly now, no more."

“Good idea!” A bruised Nephrite was holding onto a gold stature of naked girl as everyone cheered. “DEATH TO THE SEDUCER!”

"DEATH!!" The various shouts began. "DEATH TO THE SEDUCER!!!"

"THROW HIS REMAINS TO THE DOGS!!"

"EAT HIS HEAAAART!!!"

"LONG LIVE," almost everyone shouted in unison, "QUEEN BERYL!!"

"Thank you, thank you. And now!" Beryl raised her staff. "I have decided, as a gesture of mercy, to spare the moon princess and queen from whatever horrible and gruesome fate you might have thought up for her..."

At this, the few boos that arose were silenced by the glares of the generals, particularly that of Zoicite, the downwind of whose drug-induced stench was enough to threaten and frighten any detractors. People had to back away from him in order not to smell it.

"Instead, I am installing the queen, when we find her, as a stripper in the best whorehouse in Texas..."

"HOORAY FOR BOOBIES!!!"

"....and upon seeing her bravery in battle against me, I have decided to install Princess Serenity.....as my royal bitch, as I have sworn off men permanently due to what Endymion did to me."

“Oh....” Serenity blushed at this. “I....I don't know what to say....”

“YEEEAH!” Several more cheers were followed by more than several nosebleeds. “MORE BOOBIES!!”

“Now is the time to end one tyranny, and begin another!” Beryl held her staff up, ready to work her magic on the defeated planet. "The battle is now over; now is the time to establish the new world order!"

“HOORAY!!!!!!”

"Your Highness!! Your Highness!!!"

At this, both Serenity and Beryl looked up towards the source of the voice. It was another anonymous grunt, who was running as fast as he could, and who was out of breath as he approached the ruins.

"The.....the Metaria monster....! It's out.....out of control!!"

With that, the grunt pointed at the castle, or what was left of it. There, the black creature was drowning the surroundings in gas, but worse, the surroundings were suddenly turning into dust. The distant screams of survivors were being silenced as the gas caused them to combust like snakes in a microwave.

"What....?!"

As several of her armies began to panic and jostle one another, Beryl stared at the monster for a moment, unbelieving. Then she noticed that something had appeared on the monster's forehead - a third eye, as red as the the first two had originally been. It pulsed with the power that Beryl had given it during the binding spell, which was more than sufficient to wake it up fully and wait for the proper time to strike.

At this, Beryl and Serenity looked at one another.

“Oh no....”

What followed next was almost too indescribable to describe, even in layman's terms. There were no words for the end of the earth's forces, for it was almost as gruesome as that of the moon people that had fallen before them.

"Oh god....!!!!!"

"RUN!!! RUN!!!!!!"

The pot stash was the first to be absorbed by the gigantic black mass, which was immediately belched forth after it was consumed; many who couldn't stand Zoicite now spontaneously combusted from the overpowering stench. Those who lived panicked and fought each other to get away.

“AAAAH! AAAAAAAH!!” Body parts began flying as people hacked at one another. “GET OUT! GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!”

“AUUUUGH!” Jadeite's monster burst out of his chest again, and in a panicked frenzy began to eat his master. “What are you-NO!! NOOOO!!!”

“....Wow,” Smoking one last joint, Zoicite looked around as the black cloud began to close in. “Figures that thing would turn on us.”

“I could have told you that when we fi-”

“What? What was that?” Zoicite turned in time to see that the Metaria monster's power had caused Nephrite's head to explode. “Oh. That had to hurt.”

“Quick!”

As the men died, as the palace began to collapse even more, Beryl grabbed Serenity and they began to run down the hall together. Behind them, the blasts of energy that came from the demon obliterated the hallway behind them, turning everything into ash.

“This way!!” Beryl turned. “It's the only way-”

“AWAAAH!!”

“Princess!!”

Behind her, Serenity suddenly shook, then collapsed, letting go of Beryl's hand. Beryl turned to grab her new partner's hand again, only to see the smoke emanating from her mouth, as well as from the smoldering black hole in her stomach. Slowly, Beryl looked up to see seven giant black shadows, all of them with red eyes like Metaria, all of them with unimaginable power, all of them roaring for blood.

All of them ready to take Beryl down.

"Eh...." There was only one thing Beryl could say as the Shadows leaped on her, and realizing she had no time to power up an attack. ".....Oh shit."

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