It was my fault. All of this was my fault.
If I had been more open about Richie then the guys would have had no reason to try and spy on me. If I hadn’t tried so hard to care for him then the guys would have nothing to overreact about. If I hadn’t been so confused about my feelings about Richie then this wouldn’t hurt so badly. If I hadn’t been unintentionally leading Nat on all these years then there would be no guilt. Everything was crashing and burning.
And I was the one to blame for it all.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out that I had hurt Nat. I knew he was hurt by the look in his eyes. I could tell even before I walked through that door that Nat was hurt. However, the only thing I felt at the time was anger. It was one thing that they had been spying on me, but I knew that it was the least of my problems. For the past few hours, the rest of the band had been filling his head with garbage in an attempt to cheer him up, making it all the harder for us to patch things up again.
I was a walking time bomb, ready to explode. My mind was on the edge and there was nothing I could do to calm it down. The idea that I could very easily make things worse didn’t even cross my mind.
Just one more thing to blame myself for later on.
“Come on, Nat. It’s just Rosalina,” Thomas said. I guess they hadn’t noticed me yet.
“I know, but-“
“No. I’m serious, Nat. It’s time for you to get over her.”
Garbage. There was nothing for him to get over because we were never together to begin with.
“Thomas is right. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, especially for you.”
David always had to back up Thomas, didn’t he?
“Yeah, man. Even I’m jealous of how many girls you could get. It’s time for you to move on and see what else is out there.”
And, of course, Qaasim had to top it all off. It was getting harder and harder for me to keep my presence unknown.
“There’s no way anything could have happened between you two anyway. You know how insecure she can be.”
“No, Thomas. Care to tell me?”
All heads turned at my outburst. Sometimes I wish I could control my temper and keep my big mouth shut, but it was too late for that now.
“Rosalina!”
“Yeah, that’s me. You know, that girl you spied on last night?”
“Oh, you mean that liar we used to be friends with?”
This was definitely not going well. While Thomas, David, and Qaasim were ganging up on me, Nat sat quietly in the corner, not saying a word. Meanwhile, I wasn’t acting like myself. If I had been even remotely sane at the moment, I would have realized that I would almost never say anything like this. Too bad my temper was getting the best of me.
“No. The one who believes in this little thing called privacy.”
“Well, it’s a good thing we did spy on you. Otherwise we wouldn’t have discovered your dirty little secret.”
“What dirty little secret?”
“That guy, Richie. He’s the one from Pinfield’s report, isn’t he?”
“Yeah. So?”
“That means the report was true!”
“What? No. Richie and I are only friends and nothing else! It’s just like me and Nat-“
My mind returned as soon as the words left my mouth, and I finally realized what I had just said. Telling them that Nat and I were nothing more than friends was like telling them that Nat and I would never be anything more than friends. Nat, already heartbroken from before, looked at me as if I had committed the ultimate betrayal. His gaze frightened me to the very core because behind the hurt and the fear, I saw what I dreaded the most.
Anger.
Whenever Nat was upset, his words cut like knives. Even the Alex knew to back down when his brother was truly and deeply enraged. Nat’s anger in addition to my own was a disaster waiting to erupt. It had happened only a few times before and something was telling me that it was about to happen again.
“I’m so sick of this, Rosalina!” he shouted, moving away from his corner and right in front of me. “First you lie to us and then you lie to the papers, telling them that their report was wrong. Then you go sneaking around with some guy you told everyone you didn’t even know! You don’t talk to us about everything and you’re never around. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I know you anymore!”
“Well, I don’t think you know me at all, Nat. Did you ever once think that maybe I became friends with him after the reports died down?”
“What are the chances of that?”
“Greater than you think, since that’s exactly what happened.”
“So why did you have to go sneaking around with him?”
“Because I knew you guys would overreact about it like you all are now! Do you know what it’s like to go through an entire school year without friends? Do you know what it’s like to eat lunch alone or miss out on parties or feel like you don’t belong anywhere? Do you know what it’s like to finally make a friend? To meet someone you can relate to and talk to when the rest of you aren’t there?”
“Don’t start on that stuff, Rosalina.”
“But I will! Do you know what it’s like to have your name slandered throughout the entire student body because of you guys? They act as if I’m babysitting you! Have you ever once thought about the fact that it’s hard enough to make friends when I’m never free to hang out, but even worse because my names all over the headlines with you? I’m two years older! By the time you’re a junior, I’ll be out of high school!”
“What’s that have to do with anything?”
“Think about it, Nat! What if I want to go to college or get a good job somewhere? We can’t be the Naked Brothers Band forever, Nat. We can’t stay in middle school forever!”
“Are you saying you want to quit?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I am!”
“That’s it, Rosalina!” he screamed, stomping his foot on the ground. “I’m sick and tired of all your insecurities. If you want to quit so badly then quit! If you’re going to be like that then maybe we’re better off without you!”
“Fine! I’m out of here!”
“Fine!”
I stormed out, surprised that I wasn’t broken down in tears already. Knowing that there was only one person in this world who would actually stand by my side no matter what, I ran over to his house, the one place where I knew I could feel secure. On the way there, I swore to myself that I would never speak to any of the guys again.
Then again, I had never been very good at keeping promises.
