She couldn’t believe her eyes. For a moment, she thought she’d been hit by a confundus charm; the scene moved too slowly to actually be happening.
She saw the girl, arms fully extended, wrap herself around his neck. Then her face planted itself deep within his. Her lips locked to his mouth.
And, as if fate couldn’t be even more cruel, he saw her standing there as the girl ran up to kiss him. She saw him smile at her just before he plunged himself into the kiss.
Lily Evans witnessed James Potter kissing Abigail Stoughton. Her best friend.
She didn’t know if it had been the kiss that angered her so or the embarrassment she had felt as everyone watched her reaction to it. There were other students there who had witnessed it too. Every Gryffindor was standing there as if some nuclear blast had pushed them to the sides. James, Abby, and Lily were left at the core of the explosion in the center of the Common Room.
What does it matter! Why should I care who he kisses? It’s not like I’m in love with him!
She looked into the night sky from the top Astronomy tower. The dark horizon looked as if it were blanketed with diamonds. She kept reminding herself that she didn’t care. Yet the more she denied her anger, the more her chest twinged with pain.
“Are you all right?” came a hesitant voice from the shadows.
“Come to laugh some more at my expense?” She’d recognized Sirius Black’s voice from the darkness.
He stepped out slowly from the corner of the parapet, “I didn’t come here to laugh at you.”
“Really? You wanted to see me cry then?” her tone filled with mock amusement.
His tone remained steady, “I didn’t know you had been crying.”
“Well, I haven’t been. So I’m sorry to disappoint you.” She turned her attention back to star gazing. Everything was a little distorted from the tears that were welling up in her eyes.
After a few long moments she noticed that he was still there, “What, Sirius?”
“Nothing. I normally come here.”
“Why? For some snogging sessions?”
He snickered a little under his breath, which he knew would cause Lily’s temper to flare up, “No, I –“
“WHAT?”
“I LIKE LOOKING AT THE STARS! “ he said finally. “They remind me of home… or what use to feel like home.” He could see her anger subsiding, so he felt safe enough to explain. “Most of my family is named after stars. So it’s like I’m looking at home whenever I look into the night.” He pointed nonchalantly toward the heavens. “Sirius, of course. Andromeda.” He paused for a moment, swallowed hard, and managed “Regulus,” in an oddly strangled voice. Lily sat very still, shocked and embarrassed at his sadness. This was Sirius Black, Potter’s oldest, and most annoying friend. So why was she feeling sorry for him?
There was a long silence as Lily stood there brooding in the dark. “You know it wasn’t his fault,” Sirius managed after a time.
Lily snorted. “So James just slipped and fell onto Abby’s mouth?”
Sirius inhaled sharply as he tried to hold back his laugh, “Come on, Evans. Surely you could see how she forced herself on him? James didn’t have time to dodge her advances.”
Lily rolled her eyes at his comment, “Even if that were true, I didn’t see him fending her off. He must have wanted it to happen. He’s been all over her for weeks.”
Lily remembered when she saw them whispering in the corner of the Library. Then she saw James passing notes to Abby all during potions class. She’d thought that James was trying to get to her, as usual, until Abby asked her at lunch if she would mind if she went out with James.
“Why should I care what you do with him?” Lily had said. Next thing she knew, James and Abby were arm and arm as they walked into class.
Then the kiss happened.
“Oh, come off it! James has been chasing you since our first year. If you’d stop running from him, then you could see that.”
Lily threw her hands up, “So where is he now? After what happened, you’d think he’d want to explain! But I don’t see him bursting in apologizing!”
Sirius gave a low sigh of defeat as he walked over to the edge, “ He may not know where you are.”
“Or maybe he’s –“
“Maybe he’s too scared to talk to you right now,” Sirius interjected in defense for his friend. Lily went back to staring at the sky. “Let’s face it, when you’re angry you get pretty scary.”
“You don’t seem scared of me,” she said.
“That’s different.”
“How so? I’ve seen the way you look at me. You and James almost share the same expression.” Sirius smiled as he kept his eyes on the stars. “It’s that same one you have right now.”
“It’s still different,” he said. He heard her huff in protest, but kept his eyes firmly glued to the sky, “I’m always going to look at you Lily. That’s all I can do is look. It’s my nature to look.”
“You don’t want to kiss me then?” she whispered in his ear.
“Huh?” A lump suddenly developed in his throat. He turned to Lily to see that she looked different.
“I can see why the girls giggle when you pass by or why they scribble your name next to theirs.” Her face was so close to his that he caught a hint of mint on her breath. “And I know that when you’re looking at me, you want more than just to look.”
Sirius turned away from her and nervously looked back to the night, “That’s rubbish. I’m always looking at girls. That’s just what I do. You’re no different from any other skirt that I’ve chased.”
“Fine. Then kiss me.”
“What?” Sirius was shocked by her forwardness.
“If I’m so indifferent then you should feel nothing when you kiss me,” she told him plainly.
“But-“
“You don’t want to?” Lily asked.
“No-it’s-just-“
“Then kiss me, you-“
He felt foolish but he couldn’t pass up the chance. His hands cupped her face as he firmly pressed his lips against hers. He held his ground for a few seconds then stood back to look at her expression that rested in his hands.
He expected a hell storm of curse words and flying fist as soon as he released her lips. It would have been well worth it, but he couldn’t help but feel concerned as he stared back into her eyes. To his surprise, Lily’s characteristic anger wasn’t there. Instead, he got a taste of something that he didn’t see coming.
Lily reached for him and pulled him back into the kiss.
It started slowly as each tried to get a feel for each other’s style of passion. Sirius tenderly nipped at her lips, savoring the sweetness from her mouth. Lily gingerly stroked his cheeks, marveling at the contrast of her soft hands against his razor stubble.
The kiss increased in intensity as Lily pressed herself against Sirius’ body. Her fingers rushed though his hair, forcing Sirius to go deeper with his kiss. His hands traced up and down her back like a cellist playing his instrument.
Finally the heat of the moment overwhelmed them as Sirius backed her into a corner, hoisted her into the air while keeping her firm against the wall. He never felt so warm in all his life. His ears were throbbing from all the blood rushing too it. He could feel Lily’s pulse racing as his mouth reached the soft bareness of her neck. He felt her being more receptive to him as one of his hands reached the back of her leg to gain more leverage.
Lily felt so alive. No one had kissed her the way Sirius had. All the hurt and embarrassment ebbed away with each caress his lips gave. She was happy and somewhat pleased with herself in a slightly devious way.
How do you like that! She thought as she gently nibbled at Sirius’ ear. She ignored the little voice in her head that wondered if she was enjoying this solely because James would be hurt by it.
Then the door to the tower swung open as a dark figure moved over to the edge. “Sirius!” whispered a voice. The person couldn’t see the two figures huddled in a passionate embrace. Sirius, however, knew that voice all too well and moved into the moonlight, leaving Lily in the shadows. “Sirius where are you?”
“James,” he answered his friend.
“I’ve been looking for you! I’ve looked everywhere, but I can’t find Lily! So I came looking for you cause… CAUSE I CAN’T FIND HER!” James ran his hands irritably through his hair. “DAMN IT! How could this happen!”
Lily shrunk back, cloaking herself into the darkness. Sirius could tell that she was hiding but still listening to their conversation. “I’m sure she’s not far.”
James looked like a nervous moth flittering back and forth from on side to other, “How did this go wrong! I was smiling, as usual, when I saw Lily come into the Common Room. Next thing I knew, I was getting the Dementor’s kiss from Abby!! The girl just won’t stop! And I tried to be nice to her about it, but she kept saying that she’d tell Lily how big an ass I was if I don’t play nice. Lily barely stands me as is, I can’t afford for her hate me cause I was being mean to her friend!”
Sirius snuck a sideways glance to the corner Lily was hiding in. He could see her surprised reaction to James’ words. “So Abby coerced you into being friends with her?” Sirius said.
“I don’t know if ‘coerced’ is the right word for it. I didn’t get a chance to disagree. Did you see how she latched herself to me in Potions class?” James looked down at his arm with such disgust that Lily half expected to see some contagious, deadly rash or at least thousands of leeches in place of flesh. “My Godric! I’d rather be hexed a thousand times then to be linked with her!” James finally stopped to look up to the stars. He stood perfectly still, but, even cloaked in the moonlight, Lily could see that he was shaking. “I don’t know what I’m going do!”
Sirius stepped forward and put his hand on James’ shoulder, “The truth will come out eventually. Just give her some time.”
James’ bitter laugh echoed oddly into the dark night. “But that’s the thing, Pads; she’ll have all the time in the world, cause she’ll never speak to me again.”
James and Sirius stood there silently as Lily watched. The trust between those two was palpable. She could see how James relied on his friend and Sirius was genuinely concerned for him. It made her wish that she had friends like that.
Several moments passed in utter silence before James seemed to start from his reveries. He looked around and then back at Sirius. “What are you doing up here, anyways?”
His friend blushed, feeling a little awkward as he remembered that he wasn’t alone. “I was just-“
Lily stepped backward into the shadows, rolling awkwardly over an unseen rock in her haste to hide. The noise caused both boys to turn in her direction.
“Ah, mate, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you with my problems,” James said as he eyed the dark silhouette in the corner.
“No, no. It’s no problem,” Sirius said, glad that the night was particularly dark.
“No. You have your private time. I shouldn’t have intruded.”
“Its no intrusion,” Sirius interrupted earnestly, “you’re my friend.” Guilt seared his insides as he looked into James’ eyes. He could see how much James was hurting from what happened to him in the dorm. Sirius knew he’d be even more hurt if he knew who was standing in the corner…and why.
“Thanks. It’s just I didn’t know what to do and you’re the only one I feel comfortable talking to about it. You know… “ James’ voice trembled awkwardly, and he paused a moment before he tried again. “You know how much I love her.”
Lily was stunned. She thought her heart would stop as her brain worked furiously to understand everything. He wasn’t into Abby. James was just being a gentleman so Abby wouldn’t tell her that he was an evil prat.
She watched, still unbelieving, as the two shook hands. Then James headed back to the dorm, leaving Sirius and Lily alone once more.
Sirius looked back at the night sky, standing in the same position he had been when their little tryst began. Lily walked hesitantly up to stand next to him. Some time had elapsed before either spoke.
“I’m sorry.” It seemed completely disproportionate, but there were no words for her guilt.
“There’s no need to apologize,” Sirius responded somewhat briskly. “I suppose it was meant to happen this way instead of some other sordid mess.” They both shook their head in agreement. “Besides, I could tell it wasn’t me you were kissing.”
Lily gave him a startled look, “And you kissed and carried on with me anyways?”
“Of course,” Sirius said flatly. “To kiss you, Lily Evans, is like breaking out of Azkaban or stealing gold from Gringotts.” Lily looked confused by his statement. He smiled as he continued, “You’d be a fool to try it, but if the opportunity comes, you’ll only have one shot. So you have to give it your best, cause it may never happen again.” Lily blushed, flattered by the comparison. She saw the way his eyes sparkled liked the stars as he smiled to her. She couldn’t help but to smile back at him.
“You know, if you’d be as honest with yourself as you are with everyone else, maybe you’d understand why you kissed me the way you did,” Sirius told her.
Lily turned away from him and looked back at the night, “You’re only saying that cause you want me to be with James.”
Sirius turned her around to face him, “I want you to be happy. You deserve a man who could love you so much that he would be willing to die for you. And James is more then willing to do so if you have him.”
“But you wouldn’t?”
Again, his eyes sparkled, but there was a sadness there that gave her the answer without any words. “I am not a man without feeling. A fool like me would be lucky to call you his. But I’m too set in my bachelor ways to be tied to someone. And sometimes my ways can inadvertently hurt the innocent. Just ask Abby.”
Lily’s mouth almost fell open in shock. As much as she bad-mouthed Sirius, Lily never would have guessed that Abby was seeing him.
Maybe she used James like I was using Sirius.
Sirius turned her around and pointed to another star. “Orion. Maybe one day, when I feel more settled, I’ll find a girl like you and introduce her to my father and tell him that this is the woman that I love. And hopefully, if enough time has passed, his pureblood views would be a little more lenient and he’ll be able to love her like I will.”
She turned back to him and was greeted with that same genuine emotion in his eyes, “But until then, Lily, I’m prepared to defend your honor and protect your children until the day I die.”
“Even if they’re not James’?”
“Well, as long as it’s not Snivels,” he answered, boyish grin slowly returning. They both laughed, neither willing to acknowledge the enormity of that promise. Lily chanced one more glance at him, and saw that he was looking back at her with the same humble smile he’d greeted her with every school year.
She felt his hands wrap around her waist as he pulled her in close to him. She felt the heat from his lips as he drew closer to her. But before she could feel that warmth, again, she raised her hand to his lips to stop him. “You’ve had your one shot, remember?” she whispered.
He looked at her and smiled, eyes still reflecting the stars in the night sky.
“I remember, Ms. Evans. And I’ll never forget it.”
