Chapter 7 Fear
The shadows
They lengthen
The Shadows
They grow near
I try my will to strengthen
But I’m paralyzed by fear
The reassuring smile was wiped off her face as soon as she stepped out into the Hall. Even though she had seen Millie safe and whole, and directed her to wait in the office while she tended to the sick, there was a dark, nightmarish fear at the back of her mind that told her something was wrong.
Malaika half-ran the last couple of meters and burst into the small room. Millie was safe, Millie was smiling.
“I wasn’t scared,” the small girl said as she was engulfed in a tight hug, “I knew you could cure me if anything bad happened. I even told Lucy not to be scared, but she didn’t listen.”
There was a long pause in which Malaika allowed herself to drink in the fact that her sister had not been hurt. That she was safe and in her arms. She closed her eyes and let out a grateful sigh.
“Will she be alright?” Millie asked, breaking the silence.
“Yes,” Malaika answered taking off her white coat and picking up her purse. She held out a hand for Millie to take and they exited the room together.
The climb to the seventh floor was the same as always. Malaika could practically feel her knees weaken and her heart try to pull her back. But her heart also wanted, no needed, to see that beautiful tired face and taste the sweet comforting smell of home.
Millie skipped inside wearing a huge smile that her sister knew was half fake and half desperate hope. She gave mother a huge energetic hug and sat down on the bed telling her about the attack and about how she wasn’t scared because she knew Malaika could fix it.
As Malaika approached the bed she was suddenly transformed from the strong, calm nurse to a scared little girl who needed something to hold on to and somewhere to hide from the world. She took the wrinkled hand in her own and let her head rest on mother’s chest. Millie didn’t need to see the tears that spilled on to the clean white hospital sheets as she recounted her tale.
The two girls walked home much later, as the dark was settling in. The streets were unusually quiet, just like they had been for the past couple of weeks, and every figure walking home in the dark was a demon that Malaika needed to protect her sister from. That was, of course, if she could protect herself.
Her fear was not wholly unfounded, and she knew it quite well. Many of the people that hung around the streets at night were not the most desirable of sorts, and then there was the possibility that they could be linked to the explosions and fires that had unexpectedly began to occur; the attacks and murders that baffled the police and the doctors alike. She tried to push all such thoughts out of her mind, but still held a tight grip on Millie’s hand as they stepped out onto the main street.
Her running shoes did not make irritating clicking noises as she walked and the jeans and shirt she wore were hardly attractive, but she could still feel several eyes following them as they walked. She allowed a nervous hand to reach back and try to pull her shirt lower from behind, but that did not stop the uncomfortable feeling of being stared at. She wondered how many of them were sick perverts or old men and how many were tall big, lost-looking blokes like that one that brought Mary in, but she didn’t let her eyes stray from her path.
It wouldn’t make a difference whether she saw their faces or not anyway, they were all the same. Right now, Malaika could not believe there was love and kindness left, she did not believe in colorful fairy tales. It was all shadow here.
After locking the door tightly they ate a simple dinner that Malaika could not taste. She tucked Millie into her little bed and stayed beside her until the wide eyes were closed. Then she checked that the door was locked again before doing the dishes. The soft humming did not penetrate the darkness; it was soon replaced by worry, calculations, and fear. Mostly fear, though and anger. She glanced at the picture that hung on the fridge and quickly turned away. There was no use trying to make sense of it, no use thinking about other people’s responsibilities or about what could and should have been.
And Malaika knew at the back of her mind that there was no use living in fear. But it was so very dark and she did not have much to fight it with.
