According to Alice
A Fruits Basket Fanfiction
Rating: PG
WARNING: Spoilers if you haven't read Book 4 or see the episode about Momiji's family yet. And obviously, spoilers if you don't know who Momiji is!
"What's your earliest memory?"
"My earliest...?"
She considers, licking her lips. She's so cute. Everyone agrees on that. Sohma Momo is one of the cutest girls in the whole school. All the guys want to go out with her. She's small and delicate, she's from a good family, she's intelligent. But most charming of all, she has pale golden hair, and it's not dyed, it's real. Her mother's German.
"My earliest memory... is waiting with my mother in my father's office. Waiting for him to finish his work."
They all sigh and smile. Sohma Momo is so cute. Even her earliest memory is cute. And the conversation moves on to other girls, the same question repeated over and over again.
What's your earliest memory?
Listening to the conversation - she's still quite shy, even after all these years - Sohma Momo seems to be concentrating hard on what people are saying.
Usually that would be true. Sohma Momo is a good listener. She remembers conversations from months, from years ago. Her memory is one of the best in the school. But she can also use this expression to her advantage if she happens not to be listening to the conversation. And at the moment, she's not listening at all. In fact, after a few moments, she gets up and leaves the classroom. People look up, but nobody's really worried. She's probably going to
the toilets or to find one of her many friends.
But Sohma Momo does none of these things. She climbs the stairs to the roof of the school, where the sun shines down and a slight breeze cools the warm day. She leans on the railing and looks out across the city, thinking about the question. Thinking about her answer.
Oh, brother, brother, brother,
I know you've been hangin' on a long time...
I've been watching everything you do,
And I've been wishing only good for you,
And it's gonna - it's gonna come to you...
"My earliest memory... is waiting with my mother in my father's office. Waiting for him to finish his work."
I lied. Well, no, it wasn't a lie. I just didn't tell them the whole truth. I'm good at doing that. I'm a Sohma after all. Half-truths are our specialty...
"What's your earliest memory?"
My earliest memory is of waiting with my mother, but the only reason I remember that evening (out of hundreds) is because that was the first time I met my brother. Yes. I hadn't met him before that. I didn't even know he was my brother. He was just a happy blond boy, talking to my mother with great respect and a deep affection in his eyes. I kept looking at him. I didn't know why at the time.
The next time I saw him was at the New Year Celebrations, and I watched him closely. There was something about him... something familiar, something comforting... I couldn't figure him out. He was handsome, but most of the men in my family are considered handsome. He was bright and cheerful, but so were Uncle Shigure and Uncle Ayame. He was...
Sohma Momiji.
I used to repeat the name over and over to myself. It was the mystery in my life, the only thing worthy of interest in what was otherwise a normal existence, the life of a good girl born into a good family.
Yes, I'm a good girl. The cute one. Mutti calls me cute, too, although she doesn't say 'kawaii' like everyone else here. She says 'niedlich', which is the German form.
"Momo, du bist niedlich!"
That was my first clue to Momiji's identity. He said that to me once, automatically in German, because I didn't speak Japanese very well when I was younger. The problem for him - the clue for me - was that he spoke the phrase like a German, not like a Japanese boy would normally say it, tripping over the 'l' sounds and the 'r' sounds. And I replied automatically "Danke schön, Momiji..."
Arigatou, Momiji. Thank-you for saying that, for helping me take the first step towards knowing you. I've never asked if that was deliberate. But I realised almost immediately that you'd said it perfectly, just like Mutti would say it. I began to wonder then... I began to ask questions.
First, of course, I asked Mutti. I asked her if she'd taught you any German. Of course she hadn't. She barely knew you. That was another clue, although a strange one. My mother is usually so precise about people, she could always tell me who was who in the Sohma family... except for you. The one blank spot.
Then I asked Hiro and Kisa, the two Sohmas who were nearest to me in age. And they told me many interesting things - like how you wore a girl's uniform to high school for the first year, and how you were one of the 'Twelve' - but they didn't know anything about your parents. And then I asked Yuki and Kyô about you. Yuki told me that you were always full of energy, and a little difficult to handle sometimes, but full of good intentions, friendly, very likeable. Kyô told me that you were an annoying brat who talked too much, and then modified this to a talkative brat who wasn't too bad when he kept quiet, and who had the good luck to like Honda Tohru-san. Of course, these two views added up to the same thing, but they still didn't tell me who you were. And finally, I asked Hatsuharu. Hatsuharu looked down at me (he's one of the tallest men in my family) and said quietly, "Why don't you ask Momiji?"
They asked for my earliest memory, but I didn't tell them the memory. I just told them the outline. It doesn't matter. They're happy in their ignorance. Just like Mutti...
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"Momo-chan!"
She jumps, torn from her thoughts as one of her friends stands in the doorway, panting.
"There you are! We were getting worried about you!"
"I needed some air..." Yet another half-truth, slipping easily from her tongue.
"Classes are going to begin soon."
She nods, blushing slightly. "Gomen... I didn't mean to make anyone worry."
"It's alright. Are you coming?"
"I'll be down in a minute."
"Did you always go with your mother to wait for your father?"
"Not always. Sometimes we stayed home. When I reached middle school, my mother started going alone, because she didn't want my homework to suffer..." She grins slightly. "But I still go and see him after school sometimes!"
"And he doesn't mind?!"
"Nope. He says it's our little secret."
Her friend sighs. "Sugoi! I wish my father were like that. He's
always saying 'Arisa, you should do your homework instead of playing those computer games!'" She makes a face. "Well, see you down there... Even if you're late, the teacher won't mind. You're usually so punctual."
"I'll be down soon."
Arisa smiles and walks back inside. Momo watches her go, leaning back against the railing now. Yes, she should go back down now. But it's so quiet and free up here on the rooftop... She leans her head back and lets the wind blow the hair from her forehead. She doesn't want to go back into the classroom. She wants to skip afternoon lessons, like her older cousins used to do, and go and see her family. They're all dotted around the city now: Yuki, Kisa, Hiro, Hatsuharu, Kagura... and Momiji.
She wants to see Momiji most of all for some reason.
Perhaps it's because she loves him most of all.
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Mutti doesn't know that I visit my father after school, because I make sure to visit him on the days when she's home late from the gym or having dinner with her friends. She thinks I come home at the same time every day and do my homework. She's happy like that, happy in her ignorance. Because ignorance is indeed bliss. I know this almost better than anyone, except for my brother. It was Momiji who taught me that if the people we love are happy, we should leave them like that. Sometimes, the truth just hurts too much.
They were afraid the truth would hurt me, my father and my brother. They were afraid that I wouldn't want the pain, just like my mother didn't want it. So they kept quiet. And funnily, it's thanks to my little secret that I finally found out their big one. It was one of the first things I said to Momiji: "You're my big brother, so it's logical that your secret is bigger than mine!" He cried for some reason, but at least they were happy tears. It's a big difference between us: he's usually so happy, and I'm... not sad, but melancholic. He often tells me that I'm a lot like Hatsuharu, only better at keeping my head on the ground: I don't smile of my own accord very often, I rarely laugh spontaneously. I think a lot. I take after Otou-san in that way. Momiji's more like Mutti. Which is sad in a way, because she'll never be able to appreciate that.
Arisa might think it's 'cool' to have a secret with your father, but secrets are a natural part of life, if you're a Sohma. It was automatic for my father and me to start seeing each other sometimes after school, whilst Mutti was busy, so we could make contact despite our busy schedules. But the day I found out the secret wasn't actually meant to be one of these days. Mutti had texted me in the lunch hour saying that one of her friends was having a crisis, and she wouldn't be at home. I'd immediately decided to go and see Otou-san, taking advantage of this lucky opportunity (well, lucky for me anyway). It had been raining, and the clouds were only just clearing. The sky was a tawny marmalade, reminding me of my cousin Kisa, deepening to bloody red near the horizon. I walked slowly to my father's office, enjoying the colours and the way they gradually changed as the sun sank, the red paling to orange, the orange turning pink. It was going to be a clear cool night, one of my favourites. I smiled and swung my bag, singing a little song under my breath. Perhaps I should audition for the school jusical next year? Even if I didn't get in the cast, I could do something backstage or volunteer to be part of the orchestra with my clarinet...
The cleaners were already there as I entered, and they waved. The girl whom Momiji had visited wasn't there anymore. I knew her name now, Honda Tohru-san. The members of 'the Twelve' always spoke of her with the greatest respect and affection. I had only met her a couple of times so far, but I always found myself wanting to meet her again. It was a similar feeling to the one Momiji gave me... a feeling of safety, security, a warmth in my stomach... I waved back at the cleaners and ran up the stairs. I felt too happy and full of energy to take the lift. What a simple decision... The simple decisions are always the ones which affect us in the biggest ways. Another thing that Momiji's taught me.
Otou-san's floor is quite high, and I was slightly out of breath by the time I reached it. I lingered, watching the sky change and turn to blue as the earth slowly turned away from the sun. Otou-san's door was slightly open, leaving a slit of light on the carpet. As I turned towards it, I heard voices and stopped. Obviously, one of Otou-san's meetings had run overtime, or perhaps they were discussing something other than business. I slipped into the secretary's office and sat down in one of the chairs reserved for visitors, smiling to myself at the thought of how pleased he'd be. I remember that I even leaned forward to pick up a magazine, to look even more casual when he opened the door.
"So how have you been, Momiji?"
I froze with the magazine in my lap, my heart suddenly pounding. Momiji... My ears pricked up and the magazine was instantly forgotten. Why was he in my father's office at this late hour? Why did my father address him in such an intimate manner? This certainly wasn't the first time it had happened, my father sounded so comfortable, so affectionate. How many times had they met like this? My father's free time was precious and I had thought that he reserved this special time between the end of work and the return home for me alone. Jealousy stung me for an instant, but Momiji's words wiped that away effectively.
"I'm fine, Tou-san. You always ask me that."
TOU-SAN?!
...I swear, the world stopped spinning on its axis for a moment when he said that. It seemed that nothing moved. I was amazed to find myself still breathing. But the conversation carried on, of course, both of them oblivious to my stunned presence.
"Well, I worry about you. Isn't a father allowed to worry about his son?"
If I managed to entertain any doubts in those silent moments about what I heard - any kind of thought that maybe Momiji was calling my father 'tou-san' simply because his father was dead - then that sentence certainly destroyed them. I let out a breath and leaned forward, mouth dry, ears working their hardest now.
"Of course you're allowed to worry, just don't expect me to be sympathetic!"
And they laughed together, comfortable, father and son, their laughs melding together like octaves on a piano, a musical sound. I found myself smiling before the shock rolled over me again: Momiji was my father's son!
I grasped desperately at the last straw available: perhaps he was a half-brother, maybe the result of a teenage fling? After all, there were nine years between us, it was possible! I can't believe how ridiculous I was being: I knew even then the story of my parents' love. They had met at University, it had been love at first sight and they'd married right after their graduation. There would have been no time for a 'teenage fling'. And yet the thought of Momiji being my full blood brother was so incredible, so unbelievable...
"You seem happy... is this because of anyone?"
"Tou-san... you of all people should know better than to ask that question."
"Momiji, I know it's difficult for you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try! You're handsome, young, fun to be with... You could meet someone just like Honda Tohru-san."
"Tohru is one in a million. Whoever marries her will be one of the luckiest men on Earth. And it's not just the fact I'm one of the Twelve, tou-san. I've seen what happens to people who try to marry into our family."
There was a long, long silence, which throbbed with emotion. I shuddered underneath the weight of it.
"Kana-san... Mutti... Kyô's mother..." Momiji's voice was a mere whisper. "I can't take the risk, Tou-san. I refuse to let anyone suffer that much because of me."
"Momiji..." I could hear the love in my father's voice. The love and the pain.
"I don't blame you, 'tou-san. Please don't think that. You didn't know that Mutti was going to have a cursed baby; you didn't know that Mutti was going to have the 'bad' reaction. But I don't think I could watch the woman I love go through that. And I don't think I could watch her marry someone else as calmly and happily as Hatori did either."
Another silence, heavy with emotion, with memories. I should have gone then. I should have crept out, spoken to my father about this later. But I couldn't move. I had to know - what had happened to Mutti? What did Momiji mean by 'the bad reaction'? Did this 'bad reaction' have something to do with the fact we hadn't grown up together, that Mutti didn't even realise he was her son?
"But I didn't come here to talk about this. How's Mutti?"
"She's fine. Absolutely fine." My father sounded so sad, so tired, my heart ached for him.
"And Momo-chan?"
I drew in a sharp breath. He asked about me? He worried about me? He wanted to know about me, just as I wanted to know about him...
"Momo-chan is doing well in school, just as popular as you were. She's started clarinet lessons, and apparently she has talent. She comes and visits me sometimes after school. Your mother doesn't know, she'd disapprove."
"More secrets, 'tou-san?" But I could tell that Momiji was smiling, and I smiled too.
"Just a little one."
"Unlike ours. Are you ever going to tell her...?"
"She's still young..."
"She's old enough to understand. And you've told me before that she doesn't like being an only child."
I wanted to cry out, to leap in and say something, but I couldn't move. I was a spectator and I had to stay a spectator.
"The thing is, Momiji, I don't know how she'll react. She's quiet... sometimes I've no idea what goes on in her head. She might... I don't know, get the wrong idea."
"Think I'm a freak?"
I winced: I could never never never think him a freak! How could anybody think that?!
"Momiji..."
"It's alright, Tou-san. Lots of people would think that. Mutti thought that."
I put my hands over my mouth. Mutti had thought... had she said that to him?! But she didn't even know him...
"Tou-san, it's up to you... but if she comes to me and asks... who I am, or something, I'm not going to lie to her. I think she deserves to know the truth. I think she can cope with it. I think you're underestimating her."
"If you think that, then why haven't you done that before?"
There was a pause, and then Momiji said very quietly, "Because I don't want to see the same look in her eyes that I saw in Mutti's. I'll remember it better this time. I won't be able to... accept it as easily."
And then he opened the door.
I jumped up, but too late. He froze, seeing me. We stared at each other.
"Momo-chan…"
I licked my lips, and said those words, words which should have been said a long long time ago.
"Onii-san…"
You have always been so good to me
And though you didn't always talk to me
There wasn't much my lovin' eyes could not see...
And there it was: the sorrow in his eyes, making his happy face seem so old and tired. That was bad enough, but what was worse was the fact that I was the cause of this, and I didn't know what to do to make it all better. All I knew was that I must not run away. I stood my ground and faced him, holding his eyes.
"Momo-chan?!" I had been right: Otou-san was surprised. His eyes were nearly popping out of his head. I could see the panic in them and I felt sad. What did he think I was going to do? Run screaming out of the building? Burst out crying and throw a temper tantrum? I felt chilled. What exactly had Mutti done?
"Konben'wa, Otou-san," I said, trying to make my voice as normal as possibly. "Mutti had to go out suddenly, and I thought I'd call in on you... But you were busy, so I waited." I looked at Momiji again. "I'm glad I did."
He blinked, his cheeks going slightly pink. He looked so cute... "Du bist niedlich, Momiji," I said, and he looked at me, recognising the phrase.
"Momo-chan, listen, I can explain..."
I gave my father a look, cutting him off. "I don't need you to explain, Otou-san. I was going to ask Momiji the next time I saw him anyway... only he seems to have explained nearly everything without even asking... but then he's nice like that, isn't he, Otou-san?"
Momiji hadn't moved. He was still looking at me. He wasn't ashamed, and he was giving me a chance to react. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, tears of admiration for his strength, tears of gratitude for the fact he was treating me like an adult. But I didn't cry. I wanted to be strong for him. It was the least I could do.
"I'll speak to you later, Otou-san," I said quietly. "Momiji and I need to have a talk."
Otou-san glanced from my face to Momiji's and back again. I could tell that he was nervous, but he also wanted his two children to get along, to understand each other. Poor Otou-san, he must have suffered so much...
"Let's go then," Momiji replied, and we walked away. As we neared the stairs, Otou-san called out something. We both turned and looked at him.
"Yes, Otou-san?"
"I'll call you..."
We glanced at each other for a moment silently, and then said together, "I'll look forward to it."
It was so strange to do that. But our voices blended together, and the reply sounded familiar, musical, as if we'd done this before. The first time we'd ever done anything together... I wouldn't ever forget this evening, I made a promise to myself right then and there. We were walking silently, but in perfect step, and heading towards a small park. It was getting dark, but since Momiji was with me, I wasn't scared.
We walked into the middle of the park, where a fountain gently splashed water in a white basin, and stopped, facing each other. It was difficult to see his face clearly in the gathering dusk, and I think that made it easier for him. For he was still so afraid, afraid that I would scream at him or burst out laughing, or cry with shame.
"You're my brother."
He sighed and looked at the fountain for a moment. "Ja."
I realised that speaking in German might not exactly be tactful and tried to change.
"Why didn't you...?"
"Momo-chan, it's okay. We can speak in German. It doesn't hurt me." He smiled a little. "But it's sweet of you to worry."
"Of course I'm worried!" I blurted. "I mean... you sounded so sad. Your eyes..." I was making a mess of this, but I couldn't seem to get the words right.
"Why were you going to ask me?" he asked softly, sitting down and dabbling his fingers in the water.
"You were my last resort?" I said dryly.
"Your last resort?"
"I've always been... curious about you. I've been asking everyone in the family about you."
"Really?" He looked up, surprised and pleased at the same time. "Why? I mean, what could possibly interest you?"
"Mutti didn't know who you were."
"Oh..."
"Mutti usually knows so much about people... I started asking the other members of 'the Twelve', but they didn't seem to know much either... And Hatsuharu told me to ask you."
Momiji grinned. "Haru would. He always goes for the simple answer." He paused. "I should thank him somehow next time I see him..."
"Momiji..."
"What is it, Momo?"
"I'm glad that you're my brother." I sat down and gently touched his arm.
"You are?" He didn't look at me, but I could sense how tense he was.
"Yes... it explains... so many things."
"Like?"
"Why I kept bumping into you."
"Oh, yeah..." He laughed and scratched the back of his neck, looking completely unashamed of this. "I couldn't tell you the truth, but I wanted to make sure that you were okay. And you didn't seem to mind…"
"Why would I mind?" I asked quietly. "I always felt so safe around you… so happy."
"Momo…" Now he was looking at me, his eyes so large and dark. He had changed over the years from that happy pretty boy into a tall, golden, gorgeous man but at this moment, I could see the little boy I had met nearly eight years ago. I could see that he was both happy at my words, and afraid. So afraid. The fear which marked all of 'the Twelve' - and Kyô - was written so clearly in his eyes that I almost burst out crying for him.
"Tell me what's wrong, Momiji," I pleaded, my fingers tightening on the sleeve of his coat. "Tell me why Mutti doesn't know you, why you have to meet Otou-san in secret. Tell me what you were afraid of seeing in my eyes."
Momiji bit his lip and gently touched my hand. When I didn't pull away, his fingers tightened around mine and he held our hands between us, staring at them.
"Momo, you've no idea how much I've longed for this moment," he said hoarsely. "Even… even in my wildest dreams, I never dreamed that you'd react so positively… I don't want to spoil it. And if I told you what Mutti did… then I would spoil it. You don't want to know, Momo. You really don't. Isn't it enough that you know I'm your brother?"
I sighed and took his other hand. It was warm, the skin soft and smooth. Our fingers interlaced. If anyone else had seen us, I suppose they would have thought us lovers, not brother and sister.
"Momiji, you're Mutti's first-born. That's such a special thing. I can tell that to you it's still special. But you're not her first born to her. You're not even her child. What could possibly have happened to make her forget you?"
Momiji closed his eyes. "Nothing happened… well, not in the way you're thinking. She didn't have an accident. She asked Hatori to make her forget me. She chose to forget me."
I tightened my grip on him. My throat had closed up and I could barely force the word out. "Chose?"
"Momo… how much do you know about the Curse?"
"Our family's cursed by the spirits of the twelve Juunishi, and the spirit of the Cat also haunts us…"
"That's it?"
I nodded.
"If a child is 'haunted' by the spirit of one of the animals, that child is born premature, two months premature. Always."
I blinked. "You were premature?"
"Yes. That's usually traumatic enough, as I'm sure you can imagine, much better than I…" He paused, staring hard at our hands. "But then to find out that your little boy transforms into an animal when you hold him in your arms… How much must that add? You see, mothers who give birth to have a cursed child have one of two reactions… they either become fiercely protective of that child, sometimes suffocatingly so… or they reject the child. Totally."
The words hung in the air between us. Rejection. Total. I closed my eyes to blot them out, but I couldn't blot out his words.
"Mutti had the second reaction."
I made a small noise of pain and he pulled his hands away. I opened my eyes and saw him standing up.
"Now you know."
"Wait-!"
"Why? All I can do is cause you more pain, Momo-chan." The Japanese was almost like a barrier coming down between us, but I was better at this now, I knew how to break it down again.
"Onii-san."
He stopped dead still and I saw a shudder pass through his body. "Don't call me that."
"But that's what you are!" I cried, standing up and running to him. I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around. It wasn't easy – 'the Twelve' are blessed with superhuman strength and stamina. Yuki once made the observation to me that it was almost like a compensation for being cursed, but it didn't seem like a fair exchange to me. And then on top of that, the possibility of being rejected by your own mother…
His eyes were glittering. I was relieved that I wasn't the only one on the verge of tears. "You're my elder brother," I said passionately. "Even when I didn't know it, you were always protecting me, watching over me from afar… Momiji, you're not causing me pain! I just… I can't believe that anyone could reject you! Whether you're an animal or human!"
He stared down at me. "Momo-chan…" His lips lifted in a pained smile. "Danke schön."
Back into German. It was almost like ping-pong, passing from intimacy to formality and back again. Almost like a game, but far more crucial. I was on the edge of losing him, just when I'd found him. If I was to make him believe that I could accept him, I had to do two things – get him to transform (not that difficult), and keep him in our mother's language. I didn't know if he would let me do these things, but I had to try.
"You said back in the office that you saw a look in Mutti's eyes," I said quietly. "What did you mean?"
He sighed and took my hand in his again, warming it. "I was there… when she went to Hatori."
My lips parted, but I couldn't find anything to say. He had been there?! He had been there when she asked to forget about him?! I took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting my forehead against my chest. That was okay, that was allowed. He stroked my hair gently, soothing both of us.
"Hatori was shocked, I could tell… That was before his own tragedy…"
"Kana-san?"
"Oh, you've heard of that?"
"I think… it was Shigure who told me. One of the older ones…"
"It would be – well, anyway, he was shocked. He asked her if that was what she really wanted. Because, he could have left some memories, you see, memories of happy value. But she didn't want any of them. She had no happy memories of me. She wanted to forget me completely."
Completely… totally… there is no middle road for the Twelve. Ever. I reached up and grabbed his arms. "Go on," I whispered. "Tell me everything."
He drew in a breath and whispered, so low that I could barely hear him, "She said to him that she wouldn't regret forgetting me at all. She said… 'The biggest regret of my life is bringing that… thing… out of my body.'"
That thing…
Not a boy. Not a child. Not even an animal.
A thing.
I cried out and flung my arms around him.
Such pain. Such pain.
How could he bear it?
How could he?
And I don't believe you need your misery,
Oh brother, brother, brother...
There was a soft popping sound, smoke passed around me…
And I held a rabbit in my arms. He was quite large, with beautiful white fur. His ears were very long and tipped with black. He was warm and soft in my arms.
This was my brother.
And I loved him.
"Momo…"
"You're so brave!" I whispered. "You're so brave! I could never have done that if it had been me. Never!!" And I buried my face in his fur and began to cry, long soft sobs. I had never felt such pain. I couldn't imagine how he must have felt hearing that, if it made me feel so horrible. Momiji burrowed closer to me, tickling at my neck, and I giggled.
"Yes, you could," he said gently, looking at me with those bright black eyes. "You love her just as much as I do. But… you're a girl. If it had been you… you wouldn't have transformed when she held you. I think she would have reacted differently…"
I sniffed, wiping my eyes. "Momiji, there's just one thing I have to say to you."
"Yes?" I could feel him tense again. I took a deep breath, and stared him straight in the eye.
"YOU'RE THE CUTEST RABBIT I'VE EVER SEEN!"
And I cradled him against my chest, murmuring "niedlich" over and over again, stroking his long soft ears. I held him like that for a long time, close to me, repeating that single word. It was true: he was incredibly cute. He was also my brother. And I would never reject him. I would love him. Completely. Totally.
"Momo…" he whispered finally. I could hear from the wobble in his voice that he had been crying too. "Danke schön. Danke schön, Momo."
"It's funny," I commented, "I used to ask Otou-san for a pet rabbit, and he would always look funny and say 'when you're older'. And now look what I've got!"
"I'm not your pet!"
"No, you're my brother and that's even better, because I can talk to you and you can talk back."
"Momo-chan… you really don't mind." There was wonder in his voice. "You really don't mind."
"Of course not, baka," I said tearfully, carefully putting him down. "I'm not Mutti. I know I can't ever replace her and I won't try. But I promise I'll love you doubly because of it."
"Tou-san's already doing that."
"So what? You can never have too much love!" And I hugged him to me again, I couldn't help it. He needed to be hugged often and by someone who knew how, to paraphrase a famous film. I felt him snuggle closer to me, telling me I was right. "And you can never have too many hugs either," I added.
He laughed, a trembling breathy sound.
"Momiji, when I have children… if one of them's haunted… I won't reject that child. I promise you."
"You can't make that kind of promise, Momo!"
"I just did." I leaned down and rubbed my cheek gently against his head. He sighed.
"You're too stubborn…"
"And you're not?"
"Not that much."
I chuckled. "Why do I not believe you?"
"I have no idea. I'm a very truthful person."
I put him down. "Well, I don't know that, I've only just met you!"
"Yes… that's true, isn't it." He scratched his nose. "We do have lots of catching up to do…"
"More secret meetings!" I said gleefully.
"You like secrets way too much."
"I am a teenage girl, what do you expect?"
POOF!
I blinked and then slowly turned around.
"Gomen. The time of changing back varies…"
I nodded, waiting whilst he dressed himself.
"You'd better get home."
"Will you walk me?"
"Well, I'm not going to let you go on your own!" he said, playfully batting me on the arm.
I pouted and made a show of rubbing it. "You're mean, onii-san!"
He laughed and then stopped short. "It's nice to hear you call me that…" he said softly, his eyes sliding across shyly.
I grinned at him, grabbed his arm and hugged it. "Good, 'cause I like saying it. But I suppose you'll have to be Momiji-san around Mutti."
He nodded silently.
"Onii-san…"
"Yes, imouto-chan?" he said, giving me a grin and letting me know that it was alright.
"Did you ever notice how similar our names are?"
"Well, they have similar sounds…"
"Maybe somewhere deep down…"
"No, Momo-chan, I told you, she forgot everything, and the kanji is completely different…"
"But there IS a possibility," I insisted.
He pondered this, my arm in his as we neared my home. I was suddenly struck by another question.
"Where did you live?!"
"With Hatori in the Main House."
"I used to be scared of Hatori-san when I was younger…"
He blinked and opened his mouth for a moment, then closed it. "I suppose I could see why he'd frighten a child… it's just that I never even thought of being scared of him. He was the person who helped Mutti get better… and he's got such a caring heart. But I admit he can be a bit… forbidding."
"Maybe you can… re-introduce us."
We walked in through the revolving doors. The caretaker looked surprised at seeing me accompanied by a boy and rose from his chair.
"This is my cousin, Akato-san," I said quickly. "Sohma Momiji."
Momiji beamed his sunny smile and bowed. "Pleased to meet you."
Flattered, Akato-san smiled back. "And I you, young sir. Your mother hasn't come back yet, Momo-san, so you're okay." He winked and we carried on upstairs. We stood outside the doorway.
"So he knows you visit Tou-san?"
"Loads of people know… but nobody tells Mutti."
He smiled sadly. "Sounds familiar."
I leaned against the door, studying his face. He was so much like her. People said that I was the image of my mother, but I didn't see it. I thought Momiji was far more like her than I was. But I didn't tell him that: I searched for a new topic of conversation.
"Give me your number, and I'll call you."
He searched for his mobile and we exchanged numbers. He peered down as I typed in his name and number.
"Why are you going to that one?"
"For 'Onii-chan'," I grinned.
He went slightly pink again and then grinned back. "Maybe I should put you under 'Imouto-chan'?"
"If you want. But you've always known about me. I'm putting you under this to remind myself I have a big brother. Not that you're easy to forget."
"Why don't you just put me as 'Usagi'?" he asked teasingly.
"Then you should put me as 'Alice'! I feel like I've been chasing after you for long enough!"
"Alright!" He tapped it in. "A-lice." He tapped me gently on the nose. "Don't fall into any rabbit holes before I next see you, okay?"
I saluted. "Yes, sir!"
He burst out laughing. "Get inside, you."
I blew a raspberry at him and opened the door, then stepped out of my shoes. "There, happy?"
"Yes, I am." He smiled at me fondly, his eyes alight, and I grinned back, shy once more but equally pleased.
"Sayonara, White Rabbit."
"Take care, Alice," he said softly, and then he turned and I closed the door.
My earliest memory is of meeting my brother, but my most precious memory is discovering him.
Oh brother, brother, brother,
I know you've been hanging on a long time,
You know I love you like no other,
Oh, brother of mine...
The final bell rings and there's a great sigh as the class begins to pack up for the return home. Sohma Momo does the same as everyone else quietly, calmly, and but she doesn't walk out of the room. She's the class monitor for this month, and it's her turn to sweep the room, arrange the chairs for tomorrow morning and clean the blackboard. She does all this without a fuss, even though inside she longs to run out of the room, down the corridor, down the stairs and through the doors to the fresh air outside.
After she's finished her tasks, she walks to her locker, puts her shoes inside and takes out her normal shoes. They are soft black suede with black laces, well made and expensive. They are also very good for running, and she does just that, speeding through the corridor and flinging herself through the doors, grinning at the sky, which is orange and red just as it was on that evening. For a moment, she stands on the steps, just breathing everything in. Then her eyes come down and she suddenly shouts in joy, jumps down the steps and flies across the yard, skidding to a stop at the gates where a figure is waiting for her.
"Hello Alice." His smile is warm and welcoming, and the sun glints in his golden hair.
"No chase today, White Rabbit?"
"They told me you were class monitor. I think we can skip the chase."
"Where are we going?"
"To Wonderland of course, where else?"
She laughs and slips her arm through his. "Then lead the way."
"I hope you like cakes."
"You definitely know the way to a girl's heart."
"Tou-san should be joining us later."
"Sounds good… but when?"
"In about an hour. We've got plenty of time for catching up."
"It's me catching you up, as always."
"Don't worry, you're making progress."
"And making memories." She smiles up at him.
"Did I ever tell you what I've decided to do about my memories?"
"You know you haven't."
"Do you want me to?"
"Of course. Tell me everything." She lays a slight emphasis on the last word, and his face grows slightly more sober. They're developing a private code already, catching up on lost time. So he tells her, as they walk on towards the city centre, two golden siblings in the light of the setting sun.
Another memory.
Another precious moment.
Unforgettable.
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"One day I decided that I would live my life taking on my memories. Even my saddest memories. Even the ones which hurt me. Even the ones I'd like to completely forget. If I try hard and I don't run away from them, if I don't lose hope, then one day I might become someone who will not be 'erased' by his own memories. That's what I think… And I keep striving towards that goal. I would like to be sure that there is no memory which I'll forget…" – Sohma Momiji
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DISCLAIMER: Fruitsbasket belongs to Natsuki Takaya and other assorted companies. Not me. I wished its bishies belonged to me though, because I love animals… no, not in that way! Some people… The song is 'Brother, Brother' by Carole King and copyright to that artist. (Who, incidentally, is brilliant.)
VOCABULARY CHECK
GERMAN
Danke schön: thank-you
Du bist niedlich: you're cute
Ja: yes
Mutti: mummy
Niedlich: cute
JAPANESE
Baka: 'idiot'
Imouto-chan: 'little sister'
Kawaii: 'cute'
Onii-san: 'big brother'
*Otou-san: 'father'
*Momiji says 'tou-san' because boys usually drop the 'o' at the beginning of 'otou-san' and 'okaa-san' (mother) When they are talking in German, they do not use honorifics (san, chan, etc.)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I wrote this story after reading about Momiji in the manga and noticing the quick look Momo gives him. She doesn't say anything (she's still small and doesn't speak Japanese very well) but I'm pretty sure it's significant, and from that look, this story was born. The episode about his mother (I saw the anime before I read the manga) was the first anime episode to make me weepy. I wanted to hug Momiji just like Tohru does. I was so horrified and upset by what the whole story, the whole idea of a mother wanting to forget her child so completely that she believes he belongs to someone else. The quote at the end is from the manga. It is Momiji's belief about memories (translated from the French). I wanted to include it so that people understand the motif of memory in the story. The Alice/White Rabbit thing… is just for fun.
Starsea xxx
