The scenes from this chapter are taken from Episode 13 of the PGSM Live Action.
Chapter 5 – SHIN (Part One)
That day started out innocently enough until Motoki had interrupted my peaceful morning with a frantic call. Kamekichi was missing. It had been a serious enough matter to rouse me out of my musings about Zoisite. That turtle was Motoki’s life, laughable as it might sound. I had to help him find it. Reasoning that a turtle could not move that fast, I scouted around the neighbourhood. By pure luck, a mother taking her child out had seen a man feeding a turtle near his home. Her child had been interested in the turtle.
I got the address of the man from her and went back to fetch Motoki. Usagi was there. I supposed I should not have been surprised. She and her friends always seemed to be there. After I knew about her identity, it hadn't been hard to figure out who the other Sailor Senshi were. I had assumed that the Crown Karaoke must be their usual meeting place or something. In any case, Usagi had tagged along. Her caring and helpful nature appeared to know no bounds.
We found Kamekichi all right, but Shin, the man who found the turtle was an enigma. He seemed to know us and so, Usagi and I stayed behind for tea.
"Actually I don't remember my name... I lost my memory. I don't know who I am.” With this admission, I was hooked. He was like me. Actually, he was in a worse state than I had been. I just lost six years of memory. He lost about twenty years. He did not even want to step out of the house.
"I do not need to remember," he had declared without conviction.
I could empathise. I remembered the feeling of loss and confusion, the liking of the constant. The hating of change. But I had overcome that and I was sure he could too, if he wanted.
Usagi, ever the helpful girl, immediately took it upon herself to help him regain his memory. I wanted to help him too, but I didn't think Usagi would know how to help. It was not that simple. Besides, I did not want to force the issue. From experience, I knew that he had to be ready, to come to terms with himself before anyone could help him, and he had not seem to be ready. So, I followed Usagi on her quest in case she caused more trouble. That was what I told myself anyway. If I were to be truthful to myself, I would admit that I had not wanted her to be hurt. Helping someone regain their memories was not something she could accomplish within the short term, and with her selfless nature and ability to feel deeply about things, she might blame herself for not succeeding. I wanted to be there if that happened. She was a friend of sorts, after all.
Spending time with her had been surprisingly entertaining. Her emotions were so transparent and I had enjoyed watching every expression that crossed her face. Even our usual bickering was more teasing in nature, especially after I found that I could accurately tell what she was thinking through her body language. She was that kind of rare person whose thinking and speech corresponded. There was no mask on her face. Unlike me. That thought had sobered me a little but it was our first time together alone as Mamoru and Usagi after I knew her identity and I had been eager to compare my memory of Sailor Moon with the small slip of a girl before me. How similar or how different they were. She seemed more vulnerable and I had felt my protective instincts rising up again, even though there was no danger near.
After walking through dozens of stores (that girl really had an endless store of energy), she finally decided to give up. She did not have the money to buy the things she wanted and I could tell that she felt disappointed and guilty even though she had no reason to feel that way. Shin was not even her friend, just a stranger we had met a few hours before, but she was already putting her whole heart and soul into it. She had looked so despondent that I desperately wanted to cheer her up. She should be smiling, not sighing. Without thinking, I offered to drive her to a nearby beach so that she could collect some sand and seashells.
It was only when she climbed onto my bike that I had realized that she was the first girl besides Hina who had sat on it. I had never allowed any others to ride with me. It was not a line of thought that I wanted to pursue. Yet as I sped past the streets, I had acutely felt her behind me. Her whole body had been pressed against my back and I felt her every tremble. Perhaps from the cold or fear of the speed. Her hands were clasped at my waist and I could not help but revel in her touch. I wanted the journey to continue forever. But of course, it had to end.
After she collected the items she needed, I had decided to warn her ahead.
"Remembering the past isn’t that simple. There's probably a part of him that's scared to know himself." I did not know whether I was telling her about Shin or revealing something about myself. Part of me had wanted her to understand me while the other part wanted to stay silent. The two parts were in constant war with each other. So after that, I hastily covered up my slip with my usual sarcasm. She reacted rather predictably and I softened my tone.
"I know you can’t help it, but... don't be too disappointed." It was my original aim that day after all.
I did not want to crush her hopes but I had to prepare her for that eventuality. I did not want her to feel guilty or too depressed.
We spent the rest of the time either in companionable silence or occasional bickering. It was one of the most relaxing day I had in a long time. My spirits had been considerably lightened and mood much improved over the past few days when I had been worrying about Zoisite and Venus. For the first time in a long while, I was at peace.
"My way of saying thanks for this," she had spoken shyly as she offered me half a bun. It was at that point, sitting by the breakwaters, looking into her half-raised eyes through her long lashes that I suddenly realized something.
I had gone past liking.
I had fallen in love with Tsukino Usagi.
It was the best and worst thing that could have happened.
