Shades of Love
Chapter 1/1 [Complete]
By Baine
Email: lady_baine (at) yahoo (dot) com
Written: April/May 2009 for the LJ community sm_fanswap. My recipient was Princess Aisuru.
Posted: July 21, 2009
Summertime is busy for my editor, so I might have to wait until the fall to get out As We Stumble Along and Beauty in the Breakdown. I might just put something out unedited since it’s my birthday this weekend and give it to you all as a present because I really do feel bad… I haven’t decided yet!
NOTE: This story splices together elements of canon from both the (subtitled) anime and the (translated) manga. There are notes at the bottom of the story detailing why I’ve done this; please read them!
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Without love, we are but shadows of who we’re ultimately meant to become. Life without love is desolate and barren; it loses its luster. Those who have been lucky enough to discover their soul mates sparkle with unparalleled joy.
As a child of Venus and a direct descendent of the goddess Aphrodite, I am able to witness the power of love on a daily basis. Love is all around us, making the world shine so brightly that it’s like looking directly into the sun until all you see is little white spots.
A parent’s love is white and pure; the light of their love shimmers beneath their child’s skin, glowing gently but surely, without falter. Someone with a crush has a pale, petal-pink tinge to their normal appearance. Newborn love is a vibrant splash of hot pink, whereas true love is a bright crimson, the very essence of life itself. A dying love is a deep, blackened burgundy, the same shade that mars the petals of a wilting rose.
These are the typical colors that surround me on a daily basis, with the sole exception of my best friend, Tsukino Usagi, whose love for her boyfriend, Chiba Mamoru, is an iridescent shade I find indescribable; the color doesn’t exist in nature’s spectrum. There are threads surrounding the two of them that are sort of a combination of gold and silver while also being neither of those colors because they have been so perfectly mixed together. It is the rarest color of all, invisible to the ordinary eye, and reserved solely for the love between soul mates.
Lately this normally bright hue has been tainted by ropes of brown, a sign of tension and turmoil, a result of their recent separation. I haven’t worried too much, though, because there have been none of the black tendrils typically present to signify decay and ruin the way there are when other couples break up. I couldn’t tell Usagi what I was seeing, though. None of my friends know the extent of my powers. If I told them I was seeing things, they’d either call me crazy or be envious that they couldn’t as well. I can tell them I sense something, but at the same time, I want them to find their own way and not always rely on me when deciding what decisions to make when it comes time to follow their hearts. This time, my decision to wait it out and hold my tongue despite Usagi’s depressed state proved to be the right one. Last week after one of our battles, she and Mamoru got back together; the sparkling aura surrounding them is once more untainted.
I watch my princess and her prince as they return to the Crystal Palace and make their way towards me, shining so brightly that I have to close my eyes. Unbidden, despondent thoughts consume me and I feel that what they have is unattainable for anyone else, especially me. Not that I begrudge them their happiness, of course. I’m glad they’ve found one another; too many soul mates never find their other half. I just feel that the search for my own true love is futile. Even though the blood of Venus flows through my veins and I see the shimmering shades of love every time I turn around, I feel that the emotion is out of my reach.
I’ve dated, sure, but no boy has ever held more than the pale, petal-pink shade of a crush when thinking about me. I’ve never experienced more than bouts of puppy love. I almost found something more once, I think. This was before my inner soldier and memories had awakened though, so I never saw the colors of his love for me. I imagine the shade would have most likely been scarlet with stripes of ebony, the signature color of possessive, jealous love. This is love’s unhealthiest form and it’s sad to think someone once had such feelings for me. After our disastrous encounter before he died, he foresaw my future and left me with a curse that has since hindered my ability to find true love:
The Ace of Hearts? I’ll tell your final love fortune now. What’s wrong, Princess? You should look happier! Your love will be hopeless for all eternity. Now you can go on living without having to torment yourself over the ultimate choice—your love or your duty. Your fate is to continue fighting. Your true battle begins now...
I stare sightlessly forward, the word “hopeless” ringing in my ears over and over, tormenting me anew. Around me, the other senshi all begin exclaiming as they surge forward to engulf Usagi in a hug. She is more luminous than ever and Mamoru still hasn’t let go of her hand. Suddenly my melancholy dissipates like a burst bubble and I join my friends, embracing the fact that my princess is safe and sound once more. Her prince has once again rescued her from the clutches of evil, venturing all the way out to the ruins of Nemesis to save her. He is a true knight-in-shining armor, a figure from the old fairytales, and I can’t help but let out a wistful sigh.
This close to them, the light of their love is blinding; somehow the color has blossomed since their latest escapades into yet another color I can’t define. I didn’t even know that love could continue evolving after hitting its peak. These two continue to defy every boundary. Hopefully, they’ll continue creating a spectrum of their own unique colors throughout their lifetime. Together, their love will save our world.
I look around at the ruins of Crystal Tokyo surrounding me, the future lying broken at my feet. Hatred destroyed all that had been built by the love of the two precious people standing before me. I won’t let this be the way it all ends. As the Senshi of Love, I’ll fight to the bitter end to protect the hearts, hopes and dreams of my dearest friends.
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Of course, more than will is necessary in order to win a war. I thought I’d seen true heartbreak during Usagi and Mamoru’s separation, but it was nothing compared to the pain that came from losing their child Chibi-Usa, the living embodiment of their love, to the dark clutches of evil and mayhem. Ever since that moment, my heart has ached to see the sticky black coils surrounding her aura and strangling the shine of her once-boundless source of love.
Now that Death Phantom has shown his true colors and destroyed both princes, Chibi-Usa is his final puppet, and he’s loathe to release her. Over and over we think we’ve finally gotten through to her, but each time she receives another dose of dark power and the walls of hatred are erected anew. Even the pure white glow that once shimmered beneath Chibi-Usa’s skin to signify the love of her parents is no longer there to protect her, for the dark energy surrounding her has blocked its flow in order to further manipulate her.
We’ll never give up though. Even now as she prepares to open the Dark Gate and destroy the world, we’re still trying to reach out and save her. Looking at the twisted creature she has become and feeling as though we’ll never break through in time, I fall to my knees in despair, unable to bear the strain of her angry emotions any longer. Before me Usagi and Mamoru plead with their daughter, attempting to break through, but Chibi-Usa ignores them, blasting the area with a ball of energy that brings us all to the ground.
The evil being possessing Chibi-Usa laughs and harnesses her power into bolts of lightning, which she aims at Usagi. The sky bursts open with the iridescent white shine of sacrificial love as Mamoru throws himself in front of her. The light is hot enough to burn and I flinch reflexively, shutting my eyes against the sensation. When I open them again, the black is flickering and growing lighter, then darkening once more. A confused look enters Chibi-Usa’s eyes; she is unable to understand why Mamoru has risked his life to protect another’s.
“Absurd,” she murmurs, drawing back and shaking her head, struggling to grasp the concept since the darkness is still barring her from the knowledge that comes with the ability to love. “Sacrificing yourself for another?”
Her aura grows gray with confusion, a sign of weakness. Sensing the opportunity to break through, Rei exclaims, “You’re wrong! It’s for someone precious.”
“That’s right,” Ami agrees, her voice firm yet gentle, “a precious friend.”
Eyes wide with shock, Chibi-Usa stares at us in wonder. Drawing on my energy reserves, I begin sending waves of love her way, poking at the shell surrounding her aura and searching for a chink. If I can find a way to weaken it—there. A sliver of light shines through, then energy fills the air.
“You are one, too,” I soothe, my thoughts consumed with the love I continue pushing toward her aura. “You’re also our precious friend.”
Beside me, Mako-chan chimes in, promising, “We’ll protect you at the risk of our own lives, too!”
“Precious friend?” Chibi-Usa’s ruby eyes are wide with shock as she tries to absorb the idea.
I stare at her intently, refusing to even blink for fear of losing her once again.
“That’s right.” Usagi’s aura begins to flare, a translucent pearl color appearing. It’s not quite the pure white of a mother’s love since she’s not yet Chibi-Usa’s mother, but it’s a color based on the emotions she’s currently capable of, a glimmer of her future love for the confused girl standing before us. Arms still wrapped around Mamoru’s injured body, she continues, “You, as an individual, are a precious friend we can’t afford to lose.”
Beads of sweat dripping down his face from the effort it's taking him to use his regenerative powers, Mamoru manages to gather his strength together as he stares out at his future daughter with his good eye. Voice laced with emotion, he grits out, “And you are more loved than anyone.” His aura is tinged with the same pearly sheen adorning Usagi’s, not quite a father’s love, but still something indescribable and pure.
Their auras intertwine and flow around one another the way they normally do, growing in intensity when combined then spreading to merge with the violet-pink glow that comes from the love of deep friendship currently stemming from the rest of the senshi. Together, we begin calling her name, wrapping our love for her into every breath we take and sending the emotion towards her.
She clasps her hands over her ears and attempts to block out the voices causing her so much pain. Trickles of love slowly begin chipping away at the blackness consuming her aura before being snuffed out as she is once more consumed by a new wave of dark energy. We watch in horror, stunned. We’ve lost her once more. Can we break through again at this point? Watching the sky flicker as it’s rendered in two by violaceous bolts of lightning and hearing the boom of power thunder overhead, I know we don’t have much time left. Sending a fresh blast of destructive power in our direction, Chibi-Usa’s voice is firm and strong as she renounces everything we just sent her way.
Now kneeling and already partially recovered, Mamoru’s aura grows even brighter, his love and determination growing by the minute. The color of his soul-bond lightens another shade, one almost too brilliant and pure for even me to see. He clasps Usagi’s hand and as they quietly confer, her love bleeds into his anew. The two stand, power flowing from their every pore. Only together can they make a weapon potent enough to destroy the forces of evil.
A shining white ball of power flies towards them as Neo Queen Serenity appears, temporarily inhabiting Usagi’s body and adding her own power and love to the mix. Her pure love for her daughter is added to the fledgling love shining from Mamoru and her former self and the power from the brew compiling everyone’s emotion hurdles toward Chibi-Usa once more, winning out momentarily before once more being beaten back by the darkness.
The glow of power surrounding the trio spreads and soon it is too bright to see what is going on. I can make out the clash of auras, but I have trouble discerning their states due to the light show of power currently filling the air. We wait for what feels like eons, then the sky flares white and Mamoru and Usagi return, our princess once more adorned in her fuku, Chibi-Usa’s familiar child-form curled up in her arms.
As the trio makes their way toward us, the colors flowing between them shine brighter than anything I’ve ever seen before and a new color forms that embodies every shade of love. There’s no word to even attempt to describe the symphony of colors melting together to form the shade of this new, ultimate form of love. I bask in the sensation, feeling peace wash over me, and my energy is renewed. Just in time too, for we still have yet to face Death Phantom, who has finally revealed himself to us. In the next few minutes everything will be won or lost. We need all the strength we can get.
Still weakened from the amount of energy needed to save her future daughter, Usagi falters. Dark pink tendrils of concern tinge the familiar shades of love we feel for her as we worry over the fact that she means to fight Death Phantom regardless of her condition. Stubborn fighter that she is, she ignores us and channels her future self’s energy once more, borrowing the power that she’ll need in order to win this war.
Beside us, Chibi-Usa begins to glow, and as the future’s Ginzuishou appears and hovers before her, a crescent moon forms on her forehead. Her body thrums with the power of the moon, having finally grown into her abilities after nine hundred years of being unable to do so. As Neo-King Endymion had predicted earlier, she wasn’t powerless and barren, just waiting for the right moment to step into herself.
Joining Usagi in her crusade against Death Phantom, the Ginzuishou glows brightly in welcome for its new owner. My fellow senshi and I look at one another, understanding what to do without the need for words. We combine our planetary powers, sending our energy to them. A brilliant pink light fills the air, flickering with the colors of our combined powers and Death Phantom is finally extinguished once and for all.
Love has saved us yet again, securing our future and returning Crystal Tokyo to its former splendor. Once Usagi and Chibi-Usa re-awaken, we return to the palace so that we can rest up and replenish our energy enough to return home. After a good night’s rest, we gather together outside the palace. Standing in the royal courtyard, our small group basks in the morning’s warmth as we wait for Usagi to wake up and join us so we can embark on our journey home. We watch the sun as it slowly rises into the sky, promising the start of a new day filled once more with peace. Light footsteps sound behind us and we turn around. Instead of our wayward friend however, we find ourselves face to face with her future form.
“Before you leave, let me grant you new planet powers,” Neo-Queen Serenity says with a smile, her voice bell-like as it flows over us. “Sailor Mars, Senshi of War, Sailor Mercury, Senshi of Wisdom, Sailor Jupiter, Senshi of Protection, Sailor Venus, Senshi of Love.” We each straighten as she calls our names, feeling a surge of energy fill our bodies as she states, “May you always join Sailor Moon in her fight.”
She glances back toward the palace. “She will be here soon. There can be no meeting with my past self, not ever.” She clasps her hands and bows her head. “From here, Sailor Moon, I will give you your new power.”
Usagi isn’t allowed to have direct contact with her future self; none of us are due to the serious repercussions that will most likely come from such an occurrence. The timeline—and our future alongside it—would be irrevocably damaged, and perhaps even destroyed. The only reason Mamoru had previously been able to stand alongside his future form was due to the fact that, at the time, Neo-King Endymion had been projecting himself and was not physically there.
Neo-Queen Serenity raises her scepter into the air; it glows with power and vitality. “Sailor Moon, Senshi of Sanctity,” she intones, “in order to better protect the Ginzuishou, I bestow you with both a new compact and Cosmic Power so that you can continue fighting with a strong heart.”
Behind her, the door to the palace opens and she tenses then relaxes, murmuring, “Just for a little bit, it won’t hurt, even though it could change the course of history...” She turns to face her past self and the two share a brief moment of gratitude for all that has passed.
Trying to give the two of them privacy, I look toward the palace doors. Neo-King Endymion stands there alongside the future senshi and four other figures that are cloaked in shadow. I can’t make out who they are but judging from their height and the width of their shoulders, I presume them to be male. Momentarily ignoring their intriguing appearance, I greedily feast upon the form of my future self.
She is taller, with impossibly long golden hair. The biggest difference between her and me, however, is the vivid color filling her aura as the shadowed man behind her places a gentle hand upon her shoulder. The flare of light is similar to the color Usagi and Mamoru share when together, though not quite as vibrant a hue. Could it be that in the future I’ve somehow managed to find my other half despite the odds stacked against me?
I strain to make out the features of the man whose aura is threaded together with mine and right before Neo-Queen Serenity calls my name I think I see a lock of silvery white hair as he leans forward, but I blink and he’s doused in shadow once more. Had I actually seen him, or was it just another figment of my imagination?
I join hands with my teammates. It’s time for us to return to our own time. I shoot one last longing glance toward the tableau in the doorway and am suddenly filled with irrevocable joy. My heart breaks free of the shackles placed upon it by the curse, and warmth replaces all my former doubts. There’s hope for the future after all.
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Notes:
The dialogue used in this piece is not my own, save for one or two altered words here and there. The italicized memory Minako has when remembering the time Adonis cursed her love for all eternity comes from Volume 3, Chapter 15 of the Code Name: Sailor V manga; these words are not my own. The dialogue between Chibi-Usa and the senshi comes from Episode 88 from Sailor Moon R (The subtitled version, which can be found by typing “Sailor Moon R Episode J#88 Part 1 of 3” into YouTube’s search engine). Neo-Queen Serenity’s dialogue at the end comes from Act 23 of the manga. I referred to both the Tokyo Pop translation (you can find scanlations of both this and Code Name: Sailor V online if you look hard enough) and Alex Glover’s old written translation, which is still readily available online. Aside from these dialogues, which I cannot claim, I can say that the rest of the words in this piece are my own.
The reason I combined the manga with the anime is that I wanted a story where Minako is sad that she has no true love of her own after seeing the depth of Usagi and Mamoru’s feelings for one another after they get back together. After Crystal Tokyo has been restored, I wanted her to see herself with Kunzite and realize that there was hope for her in the future, that she could find love, too. In the anime, however, there is no meeting with their future selves, so this would have been impossible. Likewise, in the manga, Usagi and Mamoru never broke up. I used elements of both. I used the scene at the end of Episode 77 in the anime where Mamoru saves Usagi and returns with her from Nemesis; in the manga, Usagi escaped on her own, along with Mars, Mercury, and Jupiter, who had previously been kidnapped and held captive on Nemesis. Mamoru didn’t save her because Chibi-Usa had brainwashed him. I took elements from the manga, too; I reflected on the fact that Neo-King Endymion had discussed the fact that Chibi-Usa had not yet grown into her powers despite being 900 years old (I KNOW, right? Crazy talk!). I also mentioned the fact that Mamoru had regenerative healing abilities (I wish the anime had given him more abilities; he is so much more powerful in the manga).
If you’ve never read the manga, I seriously encourage you to do so. MangaFox is a website that stores online scans, so you can read it there. There are also ways to download copies of your own if you know where to look since it’s no longer licensed, though I won’t give you the means to do so here. The manga and anime are actually much more different than you might think, just as PGSM is different from both of the above. Each type of canon has storylines unique to it alone.
Princess Aisuru:
I hope you were able to enjoy this story that I wrote for you. I know that it’s not exactly what you wanted, so I worry that you won’t like it. I had a lot of trouble writing this at first. I tried several times, but it wasn’t working out for me. Part of the problem, I think, is that I believe very heavily in the canon of Crystal Tokyo, and I was unable to put that aside to build the type of story you wanted, even though I did try to find something that would work. I did, however, use most of the characters spread across your suggested pairings and put in a hint of Minako/Kunzite (there wasn’t enough time/room in that scene to do more than that; I like that it was ambiguous rather than lengthy because it adds some mystery). While I didn’t put in any of Minako’s future responsibilities (again, there wasn’t time in that scene to explore this; it felt unnecessary to this story’s plot), I did spend a lot of time focusing on the abilities and responsibilities that come from being the Senshi of Love, and in the end, that made up the bulk of the story. Even though it didn’t have fluffy romance, I feel that the thread of love ran quite heavily throughout the piece. I hope you still like what I wrote for you, and I’m very sorry that it’s not quite what you wanted. I really do feel bad about that. :(
Thank You:
Thank you to my lovely beta/editor Goddess Althena, who helped me polish this story and choose just the right words when I couldn’t quite get the phrase out properly. Because of you, this story is that much brighter. And thank you to my other beta, Diana Moon, for pointing out confusion in the plot, helping me brainstorm during the story’s conception when searching for ideas, and being a pillar of support when I was down on myself thinking this story was a mess of slop that could never be done well enough to give to someone as a present. I couldn’t have delivered the finished product without either of you.
Finally, thank you to a beloved friend (Chibi Anon) who helped me when I was whining about a problem with my title. I wound up using the title I wanted in the end thanks to advice from both her and our lovely mod Kihin Ranno. My friend even found a song on YouTube by Empty Waste called “Shades of Love.” She said that it sort of worked when reading my fic if you listened to it in the background. Try it out and see for yourself. The title is not derived from the song; she found it when I was whining about why “Shades of Love” might not be a good title (a story which I won’t go into here). So by finding this song and listening to it, we felt it was a sign that I should keep this title.
And there you have it!
Thanks for reading my fic, everyone! I hope you enjoyed it!
Like it? Hate it? I’m the one to talk to! Hit the little review button or e-mail lady_baine (at) yahoo (dot) com today!
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«•´¨*•.¸¸. *Baine*.¸¸.•*¨`•»
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