The scenes from this chapter are taken from Episode 26 of the PGSM Live Action.
Chapter 13 – TURNING POINT
That next day at the airport had been a turning point in my life.
I will be with you until you say 'no'.
That was what I had told Hina.
That day, at the airport, she had said 'no'.
"Mamoru, we've always been together. We grew up together, but you don't even know that I have a really strong pride? I'm only 'important' to you. How did you think I can marry you knowing that you don’t even love me? I realized that I’m being petty."
With that, she had torn her air ticket and declared that she was not going to study abroad.
She broke up with me. Never had I ever imagined that.
But, she had been right. I had not known her. I thought I did, based on the years we had been together. Perhaps I had, in a way, but apparently not in a way that mattered. I never did make much effort to find out what Hina was like, besides being my intended wife. I had known much more about Usagi in the few months that I had known her, her personality and idiosyncrasies better than I knew Hina in the ten years we had been together. I had never felt the urge to observe and analyze her every word and every move, nor had she been constantly in my thoughts no matter what I was doing, the way I have been doing for Usagi.
Hina had been a better person than I had been. And she had been kind to the last. She had known it was my dream to study abroad. At least, it had been my dream. She had not known that my dream had changed. So, she had ensured that I was still able to go to London.
"It doesn't matter whether or not we marry. Papa is pleased to do this for you." I could see the effort it had taken her to say those words. My mind had been chaotic. I had been ready to do whatever it took to make her happy but she had given me a way out instead. She had given me a chance at happiness, at her expense. I had not been prepared to accept that.
But Hina was nothing if not thorough. She did know me and knew how I would react, so she had pre-empted my every step.
"I want you to go. I don't want you in Japan." She had refused to look at me. "You said until I say 'no', right?"
"Well, I'm saying 'no'." It was then she looked at me full in the eyes. I was rocked by the strength and determination in her eyes.
I conceded defeat.
"Goodbye." There had been a finality in her voice. "Someday, let's meet again after we've had families of our own."
I had known then that I was not going to be seeing her again in the near future. Perhaps, someday, when she had only fond thoughts left of me, when she could see me as her family instead of as her love.
Someday.
My heart had been too full at that moment. Memories from our childhood filled my mind. Hina had always been there. She had been a friend, a sister, a confidante. Her departure had left a hole in my heart.
"Hina. I really think you're important!" I had shouted to her as she left. And she was. Very important. She had been my family. I could not love her the way she wanted me to, but that did not make her any less significant in my life.
Yet I now realize that I had been selfish. If I had married her without loving her, she would not have been happy with me. She deserved someone who is devoted to her, not someone who did not love her, no matter how much she loved me. She would have been miserable. She had made the right choice that day at the airport.
Perhaps I should have been grateful to Motoki after all, although I had wanted to strangle him at that time. Without him, I would have perpetuated a mistake and not be happy the way I am now.
Hina. I would forever be grateful to her for waking me up and for giving me the choice. Although I know she would not want it.
I can only hope that she has indeed found someone she loves and who loves her, and we would meet one day, a family again.
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When Motoki arrived at the airport to send us off, I had been reeling with the enormity of what had happened.
Relating what happened to Motoki had put everything in perspective.
"It was my fault." That had been my conclusion. And so it was.
"What'll you do?"
Motoki's innocent question had brought me back to my dilemma.
Should I go to London?
As I stared at the air ticket, my mind had grappled with all the choices I had. To stay or to leave. To embrace my past. To be with Usagi. To take charge of my own future.
Choices. I have choices now.
And that was because of Hina.
I had made my decision.
"I'm... going."
"Once again, searching for who I am. I want to try that again."
London... I had not known if that was the right choice but I had known that I could not stay either. I had needed to sort out my feelings, to find myself once more.
Do I really love Usagi, or is it just a residual of feelings from a past life?
I had already been unfair to Hina. It would not be fair to Usagi either if I had found out later that I had not been in love with her after all, but reacting to my past life's feelings for the princess. For our sakes, I had to leave. I had to find out for myself, away from Usagi, if my feelings had been true. I owed Hina, owed her that much, at the very least.
As I walked to the departure gates, I had thought about leaving Usagi a message. But what could I say to her?
I'm leaving? Wait for me? I will be back? I love you?
Even though I had been granted the freedom I never had before, I had not been able to say all that. I had not even been sure of them myself. I knew she was safe for the moment and that had been what was important then.
The future... would be resolved some way or another.
As the airplane took to the air, I had been determined that I would resolve it my way.
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And that's the end of the Hina saga. What do you think? Reviews are much appreciated. ^_^
