~Friday the Thirteenth~
Chapter 2: "Minako's Rules to Matchmaking"
"Ami-chan, what's oxi- oxi... oxidative, uh... phos... phosphory...?" Aino Minako, scratching her head with a pencil and stumbling over pronunciation, queried. She frowned at the worksheet laid out before her, glaring demonically at the questions as if they'd committed some terrible evil against her. From across the square table situated in the center of Hino Rei's bedroom, aforementioned Mizuno Ami chuckled at the newest member of the Sailor Senshi.
"You mean 'oxidative phosphorylation'?" the aqua-headed highbrow corrected, scooting over to the normally effervescent blonde. "Well... to put it simply... oxidative phosphorylation is a metabolic pathway that uses energy released by the oxidation of nutrients to produce adenosine triphosphate-"
"*This* is *simple*?" Minako grumbled under her breath, to the snickering of Kino Makoto on her left. "I'm almost afraid I asked..."
Rei groaned as she walked into her tightly-packed room, teasing, "Now you've done it, Minako-chan! Yeesh, a whole week with us, and you *still* haven't figured out that it'd be easier to milk a monkey than get layman terms from our Ami-chan? Tsk, tsk." She set a steaming tray of freshly-baked green tea cookies down next to Makoto. "Help yourself, guys, before the gormandizer gets here."
"Ha ha, very funny, oh Wise One of the Fire," Ami retorted sarcastically to Rei's gibe, but there was a hint of humor lurking behind her disgruntled features. "Maybe if you actually *studied*-"
"Studying's no fun!" Tsukino Usagi whined, ambling past the open panel and then considering turning tail at the topic of conversation. "Besides, I'm living proof that one can slack off and still pass!"
"And how do you suppose you're going to ace the entrance exams with an attitude like that?" Ami inquired sternly to the teen who plopped herself down next to Minako.
"Easy! Same way I approach a math test the night before- a little cramming, then a big breakfast, then a stop at the arcade to sharpen my logic skills..." Usagi tacked down on her fingers. "Oh! And a super large milkshake to stimulate my memory-"
"What's floating around in your brain; moon rocks?" the priestess sneered, shaking her raven head in exasperation. "I'm surprised you've managed to survive this long! Usagi, one of these days-"
"OOH! Green tea cookies!" Usagi squealed, effectively silencing Rei's rant. She practically lunged across the table to grab a handful. "Yummy!"
Rei sweatdropped, sighing, "I give up."
"Well, if Usagi-chan *does* fail her entrance exams, at least she'll have a partner to go down with her," Minako pouted, still eying her homework balefully. She wondered if her teacher would fall a second time for the classic 'My close relative is in the hospital' excuse. There were only so many times she could feign an uncle before someone got suspicious and called home.
"Hey, you guys won't *believe* what I have to do tomorrow!" Usagi suddenly cried past her bulging cheeks of food. Ami made a face but didn't comment. Rei, on the other hand, couldn't resist.
"Get your stomach pumped and arteries unclogged, perchance?"
"Hilarious, Rei-chan," Usagi scowled after an enormous swallow, staunching the urge to wage a tongue war. "But no. It's something *even more* dangerous."
"Even more dangerous!?" a chorus of voices exclaimed. Usagi nodded vigorously, seeking out some more consolation cookies and popping them into her mouth.
Rei narrowed her obsidian eyes skeptically. "You aren't talking about another dentist appointment again, are you?"
"No. It's *worse*," the Odango Atama supplied, shivering. Silence reigned for a full minute as everyone waited on the edge of their cushion.
"Well, spill, already!" Makoto shouted, and Usagi started.
"Oh. Sorry. I was thinking about Tuxedo Kamen," she giggled, wiping drool off her chin. The Senshi smacked themselves in the face, moaning at their lot in life. It was a surprise the Dark Kingdom hadn't claimed earth for their own yet, what with such a scatter-brained leader...
Where *was* that darned Princess when you needed her?
"After school, I was chatting with Himo Fumara... you know, that nice lady we all helped move in last month; my mom's old friend?"
"Can't say I remember that," Minako joked, having only just met the Senshi a week ago. Makoto shushed her with a wagging hand, nodding at Usagi in confirmation.
"Well," the blonde continued, "she asked me to babysit her daughter Kotono tomorrow night."
"So what's the big deal? I see nothing dangerous about babysitting," Ami interrogated, cocking a brow.
"Chiba Mamoru is helping me."
Stunned quiescence followed this statement, then every Senshi- even Minako, who'd heard enough stories about the man to recognize him on a dark street- burst out in hysterical laughter.
"You? And 'The Jerk'? *Babysitting*? Oh, man, *this* I gotta see!" Minako howled, rolling on the floor and clutching her stomach in mirth. She wasn't the only one.
"You'll kill each other!" Makoto chortled. "Little pieces; that's all we'll find!"
Usagi crinkled up her countenance. "It's nice to observe some friendly support when you need it."
"Right. Sorry. Um, Usagi-chan... you have our full backing that... er... oh damn, I can't stop laughing!" Makoto snickered, retreating behind her fingers. Upon appraisal, it looked to Usagi like the others were also failing miserably at pulling poker faces. She sniffed irritably.
"Y-you don't even care that I-I'm going t-t-to die tomorrow!" the Moon Warrior choked, fat tears welling in her cerulean eyes. She got up and stomped from the shrine. Rei stared in disbelief as their friend disappeared.
"Was she... *serious*?"
"It... seemed like it. You can never tell with Usagi," Ami sighed. "Maybe we should go after her-"
"She's just being a crybaby, like usual!" Rei interrupted. "Let her get over this unnecessary sensitivity by herself! What did she want; us to agree with her or something?"
"I dunno... to me, it kinda looked like she wanted our concern," Minako opined. "Usagi-chan's really worried about this babysitting business. Maybe Ami-chan and Mako-chan can tell her we're sorry at school tomorrow."
Rei made a little noise of exasperation, but didn't rebut the idea. "Usagi has to grow up," she muttered, tone mercifully lacking in malice. Makoto shared a quiet smile with Ami, both having known Rei the longest. For all her griping about the "ditzy Odango Atama", the priestess held a soft spot for Usagi, and only wanted to see her mature into her full potential. It was the dream of all the Senshi, but the testy Fire Maiden was most intent on aiding its fruition. The wordless communication was snipped short by a sudden gasp from Minako.
"I just got... the *perfect*... plan!"
"Dear God, she's gone off her rocker," Makoto quipped. "Ami-chan, I blame you."
"Hey, listen, listen..."
"Hmpf! Just wait until *you* need help with your next math problem!" Ami responded, currently ignoring the latest outburst from Minako (which would, undoubtedly, end with one or more of them in the hospital sporting any number of injuries).
"Hellooooo..."
"Ami-chan, you're a goddess who deserves to be worshipped daily with all manner of baked goods," the brawny brunette amended, and Ami beamed.
"Now that's more like it," she guffawed.
"MATCHMAKER MINAKO HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!" aforementioned blonde hollered, waving her arm back and forth like some traffic regulator.
"Matchmaker?" Rei mumbled, rolling her eyes. "Oh boy..."
"Why do I suddenly feel apprehensive?" Ami sighed.
"Well, let's get this over with... otherwise Minako-chan's going to have a coronary," Makoto observed, stifling a smirk.
"Haven't we all discussed the little matter of Usagi-chan and Mamoru-san?" Minako prompted, settling herself down as if for a long-winded speech. Rei hacked something that sounded like 'ad nauseam'. "And haven't we all, after due consideration, felt that their hate was but a sunscreen-"
"Smokescreen," Ami interjected wearily. "I think you mean to say 'smokescreen'."
"... a *smokescreen* for pent-up sexual energy?" Minako finished.
"*Sexual* energy? *Usagi*?" Rei crowed. "No, I'm pretty sure we *did not* agree that Usagi and Mamoru-san's fights were disguising 'sexual' energy. In fact, I'm almost *positive* what Ami originally said was 'undeniable attraction', Minako-chan."
"Attraction, sex... it's all the same thing," Minako waved airily, to the stares of her friends.
"What street corners have *you* been skulking lately?" Makoto hectored, nudging Minako's shoulder.
"Oh, shut up... anyways, I say-" here Minako's voice dropped to a stage whisper, and everyone gathered close- "we... SET THEM UP! EH? EHHHH!? Good idea, right!?"
"Oh God, my ears are bleeding," Rei moaned as Minako elbowed her repeatedly.
"Huh? Huh? Huh? What'dya say? Wanna play matchmaker tomorrow night? Stop by to visit our dear leader for a few... oh, say a few *hours*? C'mon, it'll be fun! Especially if this *works*!" she squealed, barely able to contain her excitement in normal human capacity.
"Okay... hypothetically, we agree to this asinine, far-fetched plan. How do you propose, Minako-chan, to 'matchmake' two people who currently are as incompatible as oil and water?" Ami mused. "That's no easy feat."
"It's all about the letter 'E', my friends," Minako intoned deeply, trying to don a mysterious air... and only ending up sounding creepy. At first, no one spoke, then-
"Minako-chan, I don't mean to pry, but *what* the *hell* are you *on*?" Makoto queried seriously, ready to check the teen's pupils for dilation. Minako pouted.
"No, really! The rules to matchmaking are all about the four 'E's: Espionage! Exploitation! Execution! And finally, Exposure!" she exclaimed, punctuating each rule with an unnecessarily loud smack to the tabletop. It was truly laudable the amount of noise one person could single-handedly make.
"You know, against my better judgement, I'm actually impressed," Rei praised lightly. "Did you come up with that all by yourself, or did a thesaurus do all the dirty work?"
Minako blushed. "Thesaurus."
"Thought so."
"But the rest of my plan is original! Gather round, gather round, young grasshoppers of lurrrve..."
"... only if you stop trying to channel a sketchy medium."
"Yeah, that's supposed to be *my* realm."
"And Rei-chan's already got the sketchy part down."
"*Mako-chan!*"
"Deal. Though... I have to agree with Mako-chan."
"MINAKO-CHAN...!"
TBC
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AngelMoon Girl
