Life is but a Dream…
A Sailor Moon FanFiction story by Bunny
April 2005
Romance / Comedy / Drama
Rated PG
Disclaimer: I do not in any way shape or form claim to have any rights to these characters, places, etc. etc. The only thing I did was the story. The characters all belong to Naoko Takeuchi.
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I was lying somewhere, but I couldn’t move my body. Not this dream again…my consciousness acknowledged. I knew this dream. I had it a million times before…a memory. A tragedy. I didn’t understand. I remembered though. I remembered him.
Lying there, I felt him caress my cheek with the backside of his hand and heard him whisper, “So beautiful…I've wanted her since I first saw her. This girl...”
My heart raced at his gentle words and then as always I woke to my room in a sweat. Grasping at my sheets, I took deep gulping breaths of air, trying to calm the erratic beats of my heart. As my breathing calmed, I dropped my face into my hands and let the silent tears fall. I killed him, I thought. I did it. I know that I killed him, and now I’ll never hear his voice again. I don’t know who he is or how I killed him, but somehow…I knew that was the end result of our encounter. I just didn’t know why.
I wanted to know why his memory haunted my dreams.
It…hurt.
Getting out of bed, I dressed quickly and headed to the fire room to do some meditating. There was no way I would be able to get back to sleep. I knew this already. I had the dream a million times. Every time, it ended the same. So brief, so beautiful, so…mysterious. Kneeling before the fire, I let my mind wander. Who was that man? Why did I kill him? How do I know that I did, and why can’t I remember why?
What worried me the most was that…lately…I had been having this dream every night. Before, it came ever so often, but for the past month it had occurred every night. I relived that moment. His voice…his touch. I loved him. I’m certain of it. It was too much.
Not long after the sun rose, I made my way to the bathroom and soaked my weary body. I was tired. I was exhausted. I needed to get more rest. Lately, more monsters had been cropping up all over Tokyo. They were keeping us very busy in the small amounts of time we would normally have to ourselves. It was wearing on me. I needed a break. But what was I going to do? I couldn’t tell Usagi-chan or any of the others that I was “having nightmares about a man and needed to take some time off,” I would never hear the end of it. Minako and Makoto would get stars in their eyes and tell me stories of their own love lives. Usagi would tease me mercilessly as retribution for all the teasing I’d given her and Mamoru. And Ami…well, Ami would probably try to find some kind of medical treatment to help me get rest. On second thought, maybe telling Ami wasn’t such a bad idea. Standing up in the bath, I nodded to no one while the water dripped off of my body and grabbed for my towel. I would discuss this problem with Ami, then.
After school, I rushed back to the temple. We were supposed to have a meeting that day and it would be the perfect opportunity for me to speak with Ami afterwards about my dream.
Our meeting went by in a blur. I instantly regretted that I didn’t participate more; it’s uncharacteristic of me and I think it tipped off Usagi and Luna that something is bothering me. Usagi may be a meatball head, but she has a sixth sense when it comes to reading people’s emotions. Well, that is if the hurt look she shot my way when I asked Ami to stay behind is anything to go by.
“So why don’t you tell me what’s going on then, Rei-chan,” Ami said, interrupting my thoughts.
Not being able to help myself, I let out a frustrated groan. “Oh Ami-chan…I just don’t know what to do about this. I’m having this horrible dream every night and I’m at the point where I’m losing sleep over it.”
Ami looked at me quizzically. “A reoccurring dream. Interesting,” she commented to herself. “What’s the dream about Rei-chan?” she asked.
Unable to stop myself, I felt my face heat up in a bright blush.
Ami’s eyes widened. “YOUR BLUSHING!” she accused, pointing her finger at me. “You must be having naughty dreams about a man!”
As I felt my face heat up more, I suddenly regretted discussing this with Ami. Perhaps meatball brain would have been the better candidate after all. Completely scandalized, I was finally able to blurt out, “Ami-chan!” as I placed my hands over my face, trying to control my blush.
“Oh don’t you ‘Ami-chan’ me. You’ve never once been a shy girl, Rei-chan so what’s with this whole blushing act?” She replied.
Now thoroughly irritated I wondered if I should give up the idea of confiding in Ami at all. “Listen,” I finally said, “I’m not having naughty dreams, all right? Although, they do involve a man, but that’s not the point. The point is, that I need to get some sleep and you’re the only person who can help me!”
“What do you mean you are having dreams about a man?” Ami probed.
“Won’t you please just help me and not ask questions? There is a reason why I decided to talk to you about this instead of Usagi-chan,” I added and gave her a pointed look. “Can’t you just show me it was a good decision to come to you instead?” I pleaded.
Ami cackled evilly and before giving me a saucy, “nope. You have to give me all the juicy details first. Then I’ll treat you.”
I let out a deep long-suffering sigh. Definitely should have gone with meatball brain. At least I expected this kind of behavior from her.
Kneeling at on the side of my futon that night I grimaced at the sleeping pills Ami had somehow been able to acquire for me that afternoon. I really didn’t want to resort to this, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Lifting one of the pills up to my mouth, I tossed it on my tongue and washed it down with some water. Hoping this would finally solve my dream problem; I pulled back my cover and slipped into my bed.
Who are you my handsome lover? Why are you haunting my dreams? Will you let me rest tonight? I wondered as I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
Walking to school the next morning I found myself humming lowly to myself a catchy tune that had been playing on the radio recently. It was one of those anime show songs that would get stuck in your head for hours and you couldn’t resist going around singing to yourself. Needless to say, my spirits were lifted up. Ami might have been a royal pain in my butt about digging information out of me that I didn’t want to share, but her sleeping pills had worked. For the first time in over a month, I had enjoyed a decent nights sleep and it felt good. Maybe there was hope for me yet.
Spotting one of my friends from school up ahead of me, I hurried up to her and gave a greeting as I matched her pace.
“Oh, good morning Rei!” she greeted back. “Did you hear about the new guy at school?” she asked me.
“Hmm? New guy at school? What are you talking about Kasumi?” I asked her.
“We have this new transfer student. I heard he’s super good-looking too. I can’t wait to see him!” she explained.
I rolled my eyes. Who cares if we have a new transfer student and he’s drop dead gorgeous? Ok, so maybe I didn’t care because I was already in love with my dream guy, whoever he is, but still. “So how did you hear about all this?” I asked, in an attempt to feign interest.
“Oh, well you know Yuna, in class six?” she asked.
I nodded my head that I did as we made our way inside the school gate and into the building.
“Well, she said she saw him at the Principal’s office yesterday after classes getting registered. And she said…”
I tuned out Kasumi’s ramblings as I spotted a strange blonde-haired man walking into our classroom. As if sensing me looking at him, he stopped before entering the door, turned and looked right at me. I stopped dead in my tracks as I felt my heart leap up into my throat in panic when our eyes locked. Blue eyes pierced into my own violet orbs and I felt as if my soul was being laid out before him for the taking. Those eyes…I know those eyes. I narrowed my eyes at his retreating back as he broke our eye contact and made his way into the classroom.
“Rei? Rei?” I heard Kasumi calling as she took my arm and shook me.
“Hmm? Kasumi? What is it?” I asked her absently; not taking my eyes from the spot the strange man had been standing in moments before. Who was that? I know that presence from somewhere…but from where? Is he an enemy?
“You saw him too, didn’t you?” she asked conspiratorially.
“Who?” I asked, not really paying attention to what she was saying.
“The new student, Hogosha Jadeite. Didn’t you just see him walking into our classroom?” she asked.
Hogosha Jadeite. Jade Guardian. So that’s his name. “Yes, I saw him Kasumi,” I answered in a huff before I flipped my hair and breezed into the classroom myself. Honestly. As if anybody could miss him. No, not with that kind of a presence, no wonder everybody was talking about him.
Taking my assigned seat, I methodically pulled out my supplies for the day before allowing myself to peruse the room for Jadeite. I would need to keep an eye on that man, but I didn’t want to be obvious either. If he was our enemy, I wouldn’t want him to find out I was the soldier of Mars.
Extracting my pen from my pen case, I finally finished preparing for our first class and looked up, only to be met with amused blue eyes. Shocked, I reflexively tried to back away from him, only to bump my back into the back of my chair, jarring my desk.
He let out an amused chuckle and said, “cute.”
Incensed, I shot him my most venomous look. Did the teacher already introduce him, and I missed it?
Putting both of his hands up in a look of surrender he said, “hey now, there’s no need for the death glare, Hino Rei.”
Slamming my pen down on the surface of my desk I shot out of my seat and looming over his sitting form demanded, “how do you know my name?”
“I asked your friend over there, Fire Spirit,” he answered as he pointed across the room.
Bewildered, I turned to where he was pointing only to find Kasumi waving and giving me two thumbs up. I sighed, turned back towards Jadeite and gracefully reseated myself in my desk behind him. “Don’t call me that,” I said as an afterthought.
“Why not? That’s what your name means doesn’t it?” he teased.
Is he…flirting with me? “Yes, that’s what my name means, but that doesn’t give you the right to call me Fire Spirit. People are going to get the wrong idea,” I explained. I was really trying to maintain my patience with the guy, I really was. Really.
“What if they get the right idea?” he asked before winking at me.
“Stop it,” I commanded.
“Stop what?” he goaded.
I showed him my death glare again.
“Are you this mean to every new student in your class?” he asked.
“I do not believe I am mean, I am just selectively nice,” I said sweetly.
He grinned at me. “Feisty. I like that in a woman,” he commended.
“I’m not interested,” I replied just before the teacher began our first lesson. He turned around to pay attention to the lesson, but not before quickly scribbling a note and passing it back to me.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I leaned forward to grab the note and then cautiously opened it up to read what he wrote:
“You aren’t a very good liar, Lady Rei.”
Infuriated, I unconsciously made the note burst into a quick flame. I stared for a moment at the ashes in my hand before realizing what I had done in class of all places and looked around frantically to see if anyone had witnessed my slip up. Just as I breathed out a sigh of relief at my luck of not being caught, I looked in front of me only to see twinkling blue eyes.
Leaning forward over my desk to get as close to him as possible I whispered, “I’m going to KILL you.”
“Been there, done that,” he whispered back to me out of the side of his mouth.
For a moment, it felt as if time had stopped. My head started buzzing. Did he really just say what I thought he just said? Blurred images of events passed before my eyes in an instant and frightened beyond all belief I jumped out of my seat and burst out, “WHAAATT? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Standing up as well Jadeite said, “it means exactly what it means.”
“MISS Hino. Mr. Hogosha. Out of my classroom and into the hallway THIS INSTANT!” our teacher bellowed from the front of the class.
With a glare at Jadeite, I stomped to the classroom door and exited the room, Jadeite following right behind me.
Once we were in the hallway I turned to him and crossing my arms said, “good job of getting me in trouble.”
“You were the one who was giving out the death threats in there sweetheart, don’t try to put the blame on me,” he answered calmly.
“I’m not your sweetheart!” I exclaimed.
“You really don’t remember anything do you?” he asked in genuine bewilderment.
Puzzled and frustrated, I huffed, “and what’s that supposed to mean?”
He opened his mouth to answer just as my communicator began to beep incessantly from my pocket. Uh oh.
“I…I’ve gotta go,” I blurted to him before I ran down the hallway to outside the school while grabbing my communicator out of my pocket. Just great. Now he’s going to think I’m some kind of spasmodic moody girl. Why do I care what he thinks? Pressing on the communication button I said, “Mars here.”
Sailor Venus’ face appeared on the small screen and she was frowning. “Sorry to call you out of classes Rei, but we have an emergency down at the park. Can you make it?”
“I’ll be right there,” I said before shutting off the communicator and placing it back in my pocket. Taking off in a sprint towards the park I whispered, “Mars Star Power, Make-Up!” and felt my body warm the way it always does when I transform. I just kept running. I wanted to get this battle over as quickly as possible.
Arriving at the park, I took a moment to survey the battle. From my vantage point, there appeared to be three medium level monsters. Sailor Moon was keeping one of them occupied by running around in circles while it chased after her and launched some kind of large slimy tentacle in her general direction every few seconds. When would she quit running away from the monsters for the first ten minutes of every battle? Meatball brain. Just to the left of Sailor Moon, Sailors Venus and Jupiter were teaming up against some big crab looking monster. Venus was holding it in place with her love me chain while Jupiter kept calling lightning down on its head. All right, so that one’s covered. Scanning the park for Sailor Mercury I finally found her pinned to a tree by some large spider looking monster. She was screaming out in pain. That’s my queue. Taking a leaping jump to behind the monster pinning Mercury I called out my first attack, “Mars Fire Soul!” Feeling the magic leave my fingers I watched as my flame hit the back of the spider and burned its back legs. Crying out, it dropped Mercury and turned its attention towards me.
“What? Can’t handle a little bit of heat?” I taunted the monster, trying to get it to step away from Mercury while she was trying to catch her breath.
Outraged the monster took off towards me at full speed. Shoot. There was no way I would be able to dodge this on time, its quicker than I thought it would be. I braced myself for impact just before I found myself in the air being carried by strong arms. Well, that’s certainly never happened to me before. Dumbfounded, I looked up to see who had picked me up and was met with shocking blue eyes and blonde hair. He was wearing what appeared to be some sort of royal guard uniform. I gasped.
Dropping onto the ground he set me back on my feet and said, “you shouldn’t taunt the monsters like that Sailor Mars.” I just stared back dumbly. It was him: the man in my dreams. What was he doing here? How did he get here? Didn’t I kill him? I was so confused. I had so many questions for this man, but before I was able to even form one to speak to him, he had pulled a large sword from his space pocket and launched himself towards the spider monster. Mercury had frozen the monster with one of her attacks while we had made our getaway and his sword easily split it in half and killed it. It screamed out in pain as it vanished.
I chased after him as he took off towards the final monster left, the one that had been chasing Sailor Moon around. Tuxedo Mask had made his appearance already and Venus had it locked with her love me chain around the monster, holding it in place. Sailor Moon was calling out her attack to kill it. “Wait!” I called out to him.
The large monster with the tentacles screamed as it too vanished, leaving the seven of us standing in the middle of the park. I strode up to the man in the guard uniform and pointing an accusing finger at him demanded, “who are you!”
“Sailor Mars!” Sailor Moon shouted as she grabbed me from behind, pulling me away from the man. “It’s all right, he’s on our team,” she explained as she let me go.
Tuxedo Mask stepped up next to the man put a hand on his shoulder said, “he’s with me, Sailor Mars, don’t worry about it.”
Frustrated at Mamoru and Usagi’s vague answers I huffed. “Yes, that’s all good and fine, but WHO is he?” I asked again.
“You don’t need to know that yet,” Tuxedo Mask answered.
“What?” I fumed. Funny. Mercury, Venus and Jupiter all agreed with me about that one, since the three of them had also questioned the Prince.
“Listen,” Sailor Moon said as she stepped from behind me to stand next to Tuxedo Mask, “Mamoru and I just don’t think you are all ready for this just yet. We’ll tell you when the right time comes.”
“You have GOT to be kidding me Meatball Brains!” I exclaimed.
Tuxedo Mask stepped forward, looking almost like he was about to confront me, but Sailor Moon placed a restraining hand on his chest. “She’s my guardian, let me handle it,” I heard her whisper to him. Putting a stern look on her face, she scolded, “don’t forget your place Mars.”
I narrowed my eyes at her in anger. So now she’s pulling rank on me? How dare she keep a secret from the rest of us? Especially secrets that concern who our allies and enemies are. “Fine, I see how it is Princess. Don’t expect my help until you are willing to trust me with important battle information then,” I spat out spitefully before making my getaway.
I felt the heat of my detransformation as I fumed all the way to the temple. I didn’t even bothering going back to school. I was just going to get upset by Jadeite again if I went back. The last thing I want to deal with today is another person who has some kind of secret or knows something I don’t know. Stupid Usagi, thinking keeping something like this is going to be beneficial for us. She might be great about saving our lives when push comes to shove, but sometimes she had really lousy judgment. Well, to her credit, this most likely had a lot to do with Mamoru and she might be keeping it from us by his request, but still. We’re her guardians and how are we supposed to guard her effectively when she’s keeping important things like this from us? Not that I think Mamoru would ever intentionally place her in danger, but it’s not like the Earth Prince was all that great about not being compromised by the enemy. What if this was the case again? It would be placing Usagi in danger, that’s what! It was pointless, the more I thought about it, the more worked up I became.
Bursting through my bedroom threshold, I quickly changed from my school clothes and into my traditional temple clothing. I needed to go sweep the pathways or something and calm myself down.
Grabbing a wooden broom on my way outside, I stepped out into the courtyard only to be confronted by Minako.
“Hey, Rei-chan,” she greeted.
“Hi,” I replied. What was she here for? Usagi better not have sent her to lecture me about trusting her. If she did, I’ll be so angry with her.
“Well, I’m with you on this one. I can’t believe Usagi and Mamoru are keeping something like this from us. It just doesn’t sit right with me,” she opened.
I was instantly relieved. She was on my side. That was a good thing. After all, Minako was the only one of us who outranked me; maybe with her on my side the two of us could convince Usagi to share her secret with us. “I know. I’m really worried about this,” I confided.
“Hey, I know that. You always get angry when you are concerned about Usagi making bad decisions, and for the record, I think she knows that too,” Minako consoled.
“You think so? She’s kind-of a meat ball brain,” I joked.
We giggled for a minute. “Yeah, she is. But she’s our meatball brain, and we have to protect her. Even if she’s being stupid and making it difficult on us,” Minako said.
I lifted one of my eyebrows at her, having an idea of where she was going with this. “What are you suggesting, fearless leader?” I asked.
Minako grinned at me. “I suggest, fearless second-in-command, that the two of us do a bit of spy work on our secretive Princess and get the real story on this new guy with Mamoru,” she said.
“I don’t believe you’ve had a better idea in a millennia,” I teased. “Let me just go get ready and we can head out.”
“All right!” Minako said as she jumped into the air in excitement. “Oh, and that man is sooooo cute!” she began gushing as she followed me into the house while I changed. “Did you get a good look at his eyes, Rei-chan? Oh…he was super hunky!”
Listening to Minako go on and on about the man while I changed gave me the strangest feeling in my chest. It almost seemed like jealousy, but that was silly. I mean Minako got all gushy over every cute guy. But for some reason, this time it really bothered me. Did I feel like I had some sort of claim on him or something just because he was in my dreams? Maybe that was it. Should I tell Minako about my dreams about him? Probably won’t really help much anyways.
Grabbing my keys and my wallet, Minako and I made our way out of the house and then out of the temple grounds.
“So then, where should we begin?” I asked her.
“I was thinking we should start at the Crown. Mamoru hangs out there enough because of Motoki and if this new guy is ‘with him’ as he says, then there’s probably a good chance that he’ll be there with him if that’s where Mamoru is,” Minako said.
“Wow, Mina-chan, you really did think about this while you were gushing over how cute the guy is,” I taunted.
Minako gave me a stern look. “I may be boy-crazy, but you of all people know I put protecting the Princess first,” she said.
I laughed. “I know, Mina-chan, I was just teasing you,” I explained.
She giggled. “Hmm…sounds to me like someone who will remain un-named ‘cough’ Rei ‘cough’ is feeling a little bit jealous,” she baited.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I deadpanned.
Minako burst into excited giggles and exclaimed, “so you do like him!”
I looked over at her in disbelief as we continued our walk down the sidewalk towards the arcade.
“Oh, no need for that look, you can’t hide matters of the heart from the soldier of LOVE,” Minako practically sang to me in her happiness.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, just drop it Mina-chan,” I requested as the arcade doors slid open, the cool air from inside blowing on us as we stepped inside.
“Hi girls!” Motoki waved to us from behind the counter.
We waved back and glanced around the arcade looking for one of the people we wanted information on. Not seeing anybody at first glance, the two of us cautiously made our way towards the booths, trying to see if Mamoru or Usagi were sitting in any of them before they would spot us. After making it around the first corner, we felt the gush of wind from the doors opening and both of us shot our heads towards the doors. Shoot! It was them, and with Jadeite of all people! Minako and I reflexively dropped behind one of the booths and out of sight.
“Did you see that other guy with them?” Minako whispered to me.
“Yes, that’s Jadeite. He started going to my school this morning. He’s in the same class as me,” I offered.
“Hmm,” Minako said, “quick they’re coming this way, let’s get into the booth behind this one so we can sit low and listen in on them!”
“Ok!” I whispered back excitedly as the two of us scuttled across the floor and dodged into the booth, only to run into Ami and Makoto.
“Ami-chan!”
“Mina-chan!”
“Mako-chan!”
“Rei-chan!” we all exclaimed to each other in astonished whispers.
“Why doesn’t this surprise me?” I whispered sardonically to everybody.
“Let me guess,” Makoto said, “you two are here to spy on Usagi and Mamoru and find out what this big secret is too.”
Minako and I just nodded.
Ami giggled. I grinned at her.
“So Jadeite, how did things go at school with Rei?” I heard Usagi’s voice carry over from the booth behind us.
I felt my eyes widen in shock. Usagi knew about that? What is going on?
“Just like Mamoru thought, she doesn’t seem to remember anything,” I heard Jadeite reply. Was it just me, or did he sound a little sad about that?
“Well, you were my guardian and I didn’t remember you until I saw you. Maybe now that she’s seen your transformation, it will trigger something in her memories,” I heard Mamoru say.
Their conversation paused as Unazuki came by and took their orders.
The four of us all glanced at each other with wide eyes, not believing what we were hearing. Mamoru had guardians? Jadeite and that guy in the battle were one in the same? Jadeite is the guy I’ve been dreaming about? I killed one of Mamoru’s guardians? Was it in one of our past lives? Why don’t I remember?
Ami was giving me this funny look like her brain was putting everything together as well. Not wanting her to say anything, I put my finger up to my lips, signaling to her to keep her mouth shut about my dreams to Minako and Makoto.
“It’s all my fault,” I heard Usagi say as they picked up their conversation. “When I wished for the silver crystal to bring us back to life, I wished for us to have normal lives and not remember the bad times. Rei might have regained her memory of being one of my guardians, but she doesn’t remember as much as we do about the silver millennium, or even much about our battles before we fought Beryl, none of my guardians do.”
I heard her give a small sniff and my heart bled for her. Dummy Usagi. Always trying to protect us from ourselves. And now we’re lacking because of it, but her motives were pure. I can’t fault her for that. I had the biggest urge to jump up and go hug her and tell her it was ok, but I refrained. I didn’t want to blow our cover. I glanced over at the other girls, to see that they too had tears of compassion in their eyes. We all loved Usagi. We hated it when she was sad or distressed. It was our calling, so help us.
“You were trying to do what you thought was best, Usagi. How were you to know that by wishing for that we would lose our memories of each other? But we still overcame that, and so can they,” Mamoru said.
What? What does he mean by that? I wanted to stand up and shout at him. What do you mean by that Mamoru?
“Seriously Usagi, don’t worry yourself over this. This is fun for me. You know how I always loved to tease Rei anyhow. Now I have something over her, and she’ll hate it, and she’s so beautiful when she’s angry! You’ve made me one lucky man!” Jadeite said before he laughed merrily.
I blushed while everyone looked at me with knowing smiles. I couldn’t take this anymore. Deciding bolting was my best option, I stealthily slid myself out from under the booth’s table where we were hiding and made my way out of the arcade.
I didn’t stop to look back once as I ran all the way back to the temple. What is it that I’m not remembering? I know I loved him, I know I killed him, I know he loved me and it seems that he still does, but what should I do with that? I don’t know him! Why does he love me? What kind of past do we have if I killed him? And what kind of future could we possibly build from that?
I spent the rest of the day meditating with the great fire and I wearily dropped into bed that night. I was more distressed than ever about this, because even after meditating on it all day, I still remembered nothing. Nothing but my dreams.
I woke early the next morning and grudgingly got ready for school. I found myself spending a bit more time getting ready and primping myself more than usual. It worried me. I’ve known this man for less than 24 hours and I’m already going out of my way to impress him? I’m doomed.
I arrived for classes very early and taking my seat, I went through my usual motions of preparing for my first class, the same as I did everyday. Taking out my pen from my pen case, I finally looked up and was irritated with myself for being disappointed that amused blue eyes didn’t greet me.
“What’s with the sad face Fire Spirit? Are you missing me?” a voice taunted above me.
Looking up, I saw Jadeite standing above my desk looking down at me, his eyes twinkling with mischief and secrets.
“Don’t even start with me today Mr. Hogosha,” I retorted icily.
“Jadeite,” he corrected.
“Excuse me?” I questioned.
“Call me Jadeite, or Jade or Jed, anything but Mr. Hogosha, it’s way to formal for you,” he said.
Not being able to help myself, I blushed. “Fine,” I conceded, too embarrassed to put up a fight.
“Are you blushing?” Jadeite teased. “I knew you liked me,” he added as he walked around his desk and took his seat in front of me.
“How do you ever fit through doorways with that big head of yours?” I asked sarcastically.
He laughed. “I keep you around to deflate it for me,” he answered.
Not being able to help myself, I laughed. Ok, so maybe he was kind of funny. That didn’t mean I felt comfortable around him. And it didn’t mean that I liked him either!
Jadeite closed his eyes for a moment while I laughed at him, his smile remaining on his face. When I stopped laughing he opened his eyes and looking into my eyes he said, “I love your laughter, Hino Rei.”
“Do you really now?” I flirted.
“I do,” he affirmed.
I smiled at him.
“WILL you ever love me like I love YOU!” A girl yelled from across the room distracting the both of us. Turning my head in the direction of the voice I saw one of our classmates leaning over the desk of her boyfriend. It seemed like they were having some kind of argument. He murmured something to her that I couldn’t hear because we were too far away. A moment later, the girl burst into tears and threw her arms around her boyfriend’s neck showering him with kisses.
I rolled my eyes. Some couples were so stupid about love. It made me sick.
“Why are you rolling your eyes?” Jadeite asked.
“Oh please, don’t tell me you fall for that drama?” I asked him.
“Maybe it was a valid question,” he argued.
“You honestly believe someone would need to say that to their lover?” I questioned.
“Perhaps,” he answered vaguely.
“Why? Give me an example,” I told him.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now, forget I brought it up,” he said as he turned around trying to end the conversation.
What? What did I say? Was it something I did? Did I say something like that to him in the past? It hurt that he had shut me out. It hurt a lot. It hurt in ways I didn’t understand and I couldn’t explain unless I really did love him.
“I-“ I began, hoping somehow I could say something to make things right.
“Forget about it, Rei,” he said without turning around.
“But-“ I persisted.
“Just drop it ok?” he growled.
Hurt, I recoiled. Blinking away tears, I looked down at my desk trying to gather myself back together. Why was I so upset? I racked my brain trying to think of something I could say or do that would make things better again. I didn’t have time to process why it meant so much to me, just that it did.
“Listen,” Jadeite began as he turned around in his chair. Looking up to meet his face, he stopped whatever he was going to say and blurted out, “what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I breathed out shakily.
Alarmed, he stood up and grabbing my left arm, he gently pulled me out of my chair and steered me out of the classroom. We passed through the hallways, and then down the entrance steps, past all the students still arriving, continued out of the school gates, and down the street. Finally, he stopped and eased me onto one of the benches in the park that was at the end of the block our school was on.
“Talk to me,” he requested.
“About what?” I asked brokenly.
“You’re clearly upset about something big. You don’t fight tears over nothing, so tell me about it,” he said.
“Quit acting like you’re the Hino Rei authority!” I exploded, irritated at his confidence.
He smiled at me, “well, that sounds more like the Fire Spirit we all know and love.”
“Shut up, Jed,” I grumped.
“That’s what I’m trying to do, so why don’t you start talking about it?” he reasoned.
He was right and it made me even angrier. I latched onto the anger, hoping it would give me the confidence to tell him. “Why did I kill you?” I blurted out.
His eyes widened in shock for a moment at my point blank question. I couldn’t help but feel smug for finally catching him off guard.
“What are you talking about?” he finally asked.
“Don’t play dumb! I know, ok? I know about you, so tell me why I killed you,” I said.
He got a sad look on his face. “If you know about me, then why don’t you know that?” he asked.
“I’m the one asking the questions here,” I reminded him.
He sighed, defeated. “You killed me because I was your enemy,” he said simply.
More confused than ever by his answer, I probed, “what do you mean? I thought you were Endymion’s guardian. How could that possibly make you my enemy?”
“I don’t think you’re ready to hear this,” he said as he stood up making to leave.
“NO!” I shouted as I shot to my feet after him. I jumped onto his back and tackled him to the ground. “We aren’t leaving this place until I get my answers, damn you!” Grabbing the back of his head, I pinned his face into the grass.
“Fine, Rei…get OFF of me,” he shouted into the grass I had his head pinned in.
I let his head go and knelt next to his lying form on the grass, waiting for him to tell me the truth.
He rolled over and gave me an irritated look. “Look, I was working for Beryl at the time. We were brainwashed. All of us, just like Mamoru,” he explained.
Suddenly, I felt this piercing pain in the side of my head and my vision started to blacken. There was this incessant high-pitched ringing. I let out some horrible moaning sound that sounded foreign to my own ears and tried to remain conscious. “It hurts,” I tried to say.
Jadeite put his arms around me and pulled me down to his chest. “Shhh…” I heard him soothing through the ringing. “It’s all over now,” I heard him murmuring to me over and over.
Images of the past were flashing before my eyes like a slideshow. Falling in love with one of Endymion’s guardians in the silver millennium, they’re betrayal on the Moon, when he killed me. Unknowingly I had begun weeping uncontrollably as painful memory after painful memory assaulted me. Seeing him again as a newly reawakened soldier and fighting against him to protect Usagi again. And then I saw it, my dream again. “So beautiful…I've wanted her since I first saw her. This girl...” he had really said that too me. Before I killed him.
The ringing and the pain receded somewhere into the depths of my mind where they came from, and my vision cleared. Realizing I was lying on Jadeite’s chest, I blushed and I pushed myself away from him, “sorry.”
“This is exactly why I didn’t want to have this conversation with you!” he scolded as he stood up from the grass and brushed the dirt off of his school uniform.
“Why? So you could go on making fun of me for not remembering the past?” I argued as I also stood.
“Of course not! I didn’t want you to have to go through the pain of remembering all of those things, at least not until you were at least used to having me around! Don’t you hate me now?” he questioned.
“What?” I asked, startled that he would even think such a thing.
“I’ve been your enemy for much longer than I was ever your lover my dear, doesn’t that mean anything to you?” he asked.
Realization finally dawned on me. He was worried that I wouldn’t love him anymore. Stupid man. I’ve always loved him and there is nobody else for me in a million lifetimes. I let a silly grin spread on my face. “You were being brainwashed, you said so yourself,” I told him.
“I killed you once,” he admitted.
“I know. I killed you once too, doesn’t that make us even?” I said.
“Doesn’t that concern you?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Maybe a little bit, but it didn’t change your love for me,” I told him.
“How can you be so sure?” he asked.
“Because I remember,” I shared as I closed the distance separating us.
“You remember?” he questioned as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around me.
I nodded against his chest. “I remember what you said to me, before I killed you,” I confided.
I felt his surprise at my words from his body stiffening for a moment and then he asked, “how do you remember that?”
I tilted my head back to look at his surprised eyes and standing on my toes I gave him a quick kiss on the lips before saying, “because…I dream about it all the time.”
