Beware the fury of a patient man. -John
Dryden
seagreen shark
by papirini
How can she possibly sleep?
It is the first thing I think when I see my lover laying next to
me, her body limp with exhaustion. It isn't like her to simply enter
our bedroom, flop on the bed and close her eyes, sleeping sweet
nothings while I sit, all alone, all awake. Normally she would stay
up and talk to me about the day. About the battles we've fought.
About what lies ahead. In my mirror, I can see the tide of evil
before us, ready to swallow us under a dark wave of tyranny. Whether
or not this new enemy will kill us.....whether or not we will
succeed.....I don't know. It's just so frustrating.
"It will be all right, Michiru." Normally, my lover
would gently chastise me if I spoke of my worries. "We have each
other. We have the mission. And we have her."
Oh yes. Her. How I can despise that girl sometimes. How can
she be so hopeful at times like this? Is it because of what she has,
or what she has to lose, that she must have that constant smile on
her face? It drives me mad!
Haruka thinks so highly of her, always. Me, as much as I respect
her, and understand her position in my life, I cannot bestow that
much admiration upon her. I see little which I can truly admire.
She's tenacious, I can give her that. She's beaten us in battle, I
can give her that as well. Her heart, though misguided, is strong.
But without the crystal, what is she? Nothing. She was nothing
before she found the Ginzuishou, just a girl from out of nowhere.
Everyone thought her incompetent, which she still is. Then suddenly,
there was no reason not to worship her, because she was the princess
who held the great crystal to solve all problems. She could do no
wrong!
It was the opposite with me. Before, I was Kaiou Michiru. I had a
name for myself, one that wasn't simply foisted on me by accident, or
by some design. I wasn't forced to serve a woman whom I didn't know,
and wouldn't know from a thousand faces. I wasn't bound by a mission
that was many lives and many worlds away from my real life. I had my
music and my art; I was free to express what I felt on canvas and
paper, to let me soul run wild.
But of course, I was everything, until one day, I found a strange
item on the ground. It was the pen which would turn me into Sailor
Neptune. The moment I touched it, I felt a strange shiver down my
spine; I instantly regretted what I did. Then, when I had no other
choice, when I was painted into the corner, I transformed, and from
then on, I was shackled by a memory and a mission.
".....mmmmmm....."
My lover stirs slightly as I stand up to look out the window,
collecting the thoughts I dare not say out loud. I remember the day
tried to save Haruka from my fate; I admit I admired her courage to
take up the mission alongside me as Sailor Uranus, for my sake, and
my admiration became love at some point. But on that day, and even
sometimes today, I see myself thinking "Fool! You fool!"
For she had a life, and she too was forced to give it up. And for
what?
Because of all I lost, Haruka is all I truly have left, and Haruka
is whom I care for most. I would do anything, anything, to
make her happy. And then, my happiness.....
I take up my mirror and gingerly look into it. I've been using it
more often nowadays outside of the mission; the princess and her
friends always ask if they can peek into it to see what's going on.
If they could see what I was looking at now, they would not be so
trusting of me. I have taken great pains to conceal what image truly
lies within the mirror.
Ginzuishou.
I am not the one who meekly scrapes and bows before tyranny. I am
never without a thought to rise up and fight against my princess.
Every day, and every night, I think of it. I think of how wonderful
it would be to simply look up at her as she rouses us to battle
again, and say "No". I think of how wonderful it would be
to take my fist and bring it right to her porcelain face, and take
her beads and tiara and break them in half.
I always think of the Ginzuishou.
I always pondered what it would be like to have the crystal in my
hands, and what I could do with it once I obtained it. Our princess,
bereft of many old memories of the past life, has no idea of what she
really holds in that brooch. Does she know the true extent of what
can be done with her talisman? Does she know how many worlds it has
created....and how many it has destroyed? Does she know the suffering
it causes to her friends and family?
Does she know how easy it would be for one of her own to simply
take it from her?
I caress the mirror as the Ginzuishou's image comes up, as clear
as day. Such a beautiful and powerful thing, in the wrong hands. What
right, other than being princess, does she have to it? She
doesn't know how much it makes me suffer to see her have it....to
know that seeing it in her hands is merely a reminder of just how
good she has it.
Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, and she was the
one to bow. I don't see why she shouldn't experience a little pain in
her life, a little suffering, without her gem to save her from
misery. To show her what a sham her fairy tale is to everyone else.
And who better to take the Ginzuishou from the princess .....to
make it her own......to finally taste that wonderful power that she
took for granted....?
"...Michiru......?"
My head jerks up. I turn to see my lover looking up at me from the
bed, staring at me.
"....What are you thinking.....?"
I pause, fearful of what could happen, hoping that I can erase the
image from the mirror before I get to the bed. If there was one thing
that stayed me from getting rid of that little girl, it was my lover.
No matter what, I could never betray Haruka. Not after what she's
done for me, after staying by me no matter what. Not after being the
only person I could ever count on, after other friends and other
family turned me away. I couldn't hurt her like that.
And yet the feeling always remains.....the desires that only grow
stronger with each passing minute.....for violence….
What can I tell her?
"....I.....was just thinking about...us."
"Oh.....?"
"....We....." I think quickly. "We...haven't gone
out lately. I was....thinking, perhaps tomorrow we could do something
fun."
"....Mmm.....perhaps." She bought my story. She was too
tired to be suspiscious. "Michiru, it's very late. You should
come under the covers now."
"I will....."
"Good night, then, dearest." She gives me a sleepy smile
as she falls back onto her pillow. "Sweet dreams."
"Sweet dreams....."
I grasp my mirror tightly, relieved that I was not found out. It
was always a risk being caught,
But I see Haruka, and I know I must stay happy for her. The misery
that the princess puts me through is matched only by Haruka's
kindness to me. Surely, Haruka must feel something like I do; she too
was forced to grovel in front of that girl. Perhaps there is still a
spark of anger left in her as well, a spark I might one day kindle
for my own use. Then, when the time is right, I may finally lay bare
my thoughts and aspirations of treachery, so we may both revel in our
revenge.
But that is a thought for someday. Tonight is for rest. Tonight,
as I lay next to my lover and doze to sleep, is for the sweet dreams
I've been promised.
Sweet dreams of defeating the tyrant once and for all. Sweet
dreams of holding the Ginzuishou to my chest and absorbing it into my
body.
Sweet dreams of power, and of payback, for taking away my life.
FIN
