Ex Cinis Cineris
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Ex Cinis Cineris
A RahXephon fanfiction by regie27
Standard Disclaimers apply
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“In this world
were everything is about to change, I don't know how much meaning there is in
continuing to live as people. But that's what each and every one of the
survivors must do. That much is clear; people will live in spite of it all.”
Watari Shirow,
TERRA Director
May 27, 2028
Elvy Hadhiyat
winced as the cloudy blackness that had invaded her senses receded. The
throbbing pain that shot from her aching clavicle to her arm made her fully
aware of the fact that she was still very much alive. Pain could be an
effective reminder of one's existence especially when you were bound to be
annihilated by the blast of a god. Her mind jogged to the instant the true RahXephon and the Mu Obbrigato faced off after she had released her TDD units in
a desperate measure against the scores of Dotems that
littered the skies. The fierce duel
between both colossus climaxed in the circle patterned, rainbow-colored attack
from RahXephon that ended in everything around being
vaporized, including her scarlet Shinsei 2 fighter
and almost her own existence hadn't been on her keen survival instinct kicking
in, which triggered the nervous impulse that made her right hand pulse the
ejection seat button. Of course, no pilot worth his or her wings wished to bail
out of a perfectly functional plane but in this case, it provided the only
chance of survival possible in her dire situation.
LT Hadhiyat made a quick
assessment of herself. She knew of horror stories of pilots that ejected only
to land with both legs fractured or even a limb missing and those were the
cases the chute did open. Her landing had been smoother than most but that last
roll against the rough surface at high speed fractured her left shoulder. Her
crimson G suit wasn't in the best of shapes but it was still functional. Both
legs were intact and she thanked all deities in heaven for it. She suspected
she wouldn’t have lasted long if other had been the case. A small smile
appeared on her face. “Guess that Jumonji fellow won
his wager of me being Lady Luck after all.” Instinctively holding her arm
against her waist to steady the injured shoulder, she looked around trying to
pinpoint any familiar landmarks. She suspected she had fallen on one of the Ryukyu Islands. She wasn’t sure but at least that meant
she was close to their retreat position, Supply Base 707.
The Squadron leader began walking, looking for a
comfortable spot to rest and verify her location with the GPS embedded on her
wristwatch. The acrid stench of smoke, charred metal from shot down planes and
Vermilions, cadavers that eerily resembled Isshiki
Makoto and pools of red and blue blood that she encountered on her way made her
stomach turn. At the horizon, she could see the floating carcasses of the USDF
fleet as they sank as funerary pyres, both ships and crews falling down to the
depths of the ocean together in their last trip. Her right hand went to her
side. She had taken her survival kit and her pistol with her and she was ready
to take more Mu with her to the afterlife if needed.
However, as she kept moving, she suspected the heart of the battle was still
being waged at the sky and sea.
Her mind turned to the urgent task of finding
shelter and some means of communication, but the almost unbelievable spectacle
of two winged titans wrestling above the clouds rendered her motionless. It
seemed each one struggled to impose its will over the other. Their chants
brought her a sense of uneasiness and nervous expectation. Was that how the
world was fated to end, in the hands of two kids transformed almost heretically
into man-made deities? What about the sacrifice of herself and her fallen
comrades? Kunugi, Yagumo,
Jean, Cathy, Donny…Was it all in vain? Her eyes momentarily lowered to her side
and to the loaded weapon. She could end it all right here and now. A 9 mm
bullet across her temple assured a quick and painless end to this living
nightmare. She cursed under her breath. That was the option of a coward and
after a life lived in utmost courage, Elvy Hadhiyat wasn't going herself to fall that low in the end.
Her squadron comrades would never forgive her if she decided to end it all in
such an unbecoming manner for a condecorated warrior
and leader like her. If death was coming for her, it was going to find her
standing her ground.
Her brown gaze went up again as the glimmer of a
fast moving object caught her attention. It soared past the giant Mu fortress that seemed to be their flagship and floating
HQ and towards the wrestling Xephons. What the hell
that pilot wanted to do? Even she wasn't that reckless! As the aircraft closed
in on the aerial duel, another sonic scarlet blast from the white-winged Xephon exploded in mid-air. Elvy
wasn't sure but she suspected that both the plane and the fortress had been
taken down by the mortal chant. As the smoke cleared, she realized the city was
plummeting fast towards the sea. She smirked. It seemed even the Mu were victim of collateral damage from their own
creations. It served them right for all the good men and women that they had
killed with their merciless attacks. The smaller object seemed to have barely
escaped the wrath of the Xephons but now it spiraled
wildly out of control at an alarming speed. As the object closed in, Elvy's
pupils dilated. It was a TERRA plane, a blue Aliel.
It had miraculously made it out of the attack but the aftershock of the blast
had made its pilot lose control. She only knew of one person who always favored
that particular aircraft…
“Damn it Shitow, why did
you have to fly up there?”
Elvy knew that the plane was
about to stall and with the current speed, it meant…
“C'mon, pull her up, pull her up, you're stalling!
PULL!”
As if the pilot of the blue Aliel
had somehow heard her, the aircraft recovered from the irregular spiral
trajectory and managed to cease the drop, its nose missing the ground below by
mere meters but it had been too late to control it completely due to the low
altitude and the speed. Elvy held her breath in
expectation.
“She’s going to crash-land!”
Seconds later, Elvy heard
the loud bang of the crash. Without a conscious command, her legs rushed
towards the column of smoke that lifted instants later after the plane
plummeted. Gasping due to the strain to her injured shoulder, Hadhiyat grinded her teeth as her glance found the
wreckage. She sighted. It wasn't engulfed in flames but she couldn't take any
chances. Climbing with difficulty, she reached the cockpit. Its hard monolithic
carbonate glass canopy was frayed but its occupant seemed to be in one piece. Elvy jettisoned the canopy and in an instant the glass dome
was thrown away.
“I was right. It was you after all. You're even more
pigheaded than I am. Who would have guessed you'll lose your marbles like this
over that kid?” Elvy smiled sadly. “Too bad he will
never know what he's missing. Let's get you out of here and I hope I don’t have
to slap common sense into you.”
As the Alpha Squadron leader had expected, the TERRA
captain was unconscious and aside from a cut above her temple and some
scratches and bruises, she seemed to be okay. Still struggling with her injury,
Elvy maneuvered to sit beside the cockpit. With her
good arm, the female ace grabbed Haruka's waist
pulling her in an upward motion. After several yanks, the captain was finally
brought out of the plane as the taller woman positioned her to the ground.
While Elvy gathered her breath, struggling to push
away the insidious pain as she wiped out a single tear that escaped her eyes,
she noticed that Haruka was stirring. At last, the
shorter woman opened her lids slowly, her expression blank.
“Hey Shitow, take it easy.
You crashed and I brought you out of the plane. Can you explain what in heavens
you were trying to do?”
Haruka blinked twice, and then
stood up quickly as her head lifted upwards. Elvy's glance also rose. She had
been so absorbed trying to aid her comrade she had forgotten about the Xephons and that humanity's fate was at stake at that very
instant.
“Elvy, I've failed” she
heard the captain murmur as her voice choked. “In the end I couldn't help Ayato.”
“I don't believe any of us could do anything now Haruka.”
“It's not fair!” Haruka shrieked.
Long tears began to pour down her cheeks. Elvy
suspected her friend’s emotional state was by now frayed to its limit.
“You got that one right. This whole mess hasn't been
fair to any of us” the taller woman bitterly replied.
All of a sudden, the sky above was transformed from
blue to blinding white. The godlike chants became louder, more pervasive and Elvy felt a worrying uneasiness travel down her spine.
Their singing was chaotic, confused. Pain infused every note of the voices of
the winged gods and Elvy gathered a cleansing breath,
steadying herself for whatever that was to come from this. Waves of bright
color followed the immaculate white. The whole world was being swallowed by the
light and all sounds were extinguished by the mono-tonal chants of the twin Xephons. The world seemed to have stopped its gravitation.
The moment of the tuning had finally reached its climax.
As Haruka broke down in
loud sobs, Elvy simply stiffened. The time had
finally arrived. Glancing compassionately towards her heartbroken companion,
she placed her hand over the short-haired woman's shoulder as a small smile
curved on her lips.
“Well old friend, I guess this is either the end or
a new beginning. Hopefully, I'll be able to listen to you pour your heart out
over draft beer and a good meal. I’ll see you at the other side!”
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ONE YEAR LATER
May 2029
Neo Tokyo, Japan
“So how’s Sou-chan?
Really? You better get used to that if he’s a fuzzy sleeper. Well…you weren’t a
sound sleeper yourself either Megu. Mom and I had to take turns to pick you up
at 2:00 am because you insisted in sleeping the day and spending the night up.
Oh yes you did and more than once my face ended falling flat over my books because
I had spent all night up taking care of you. Now you’ll realize what your
onee-chan did for you back then… And how's Kim doing? We really miss her at
work but right now Sou-chan is her priority and we
understand. When she feels she’s ready to return, tell her to give Watari-san a call and he’ll reinstate her in her position…
And remember to pick up your other stuff. Yup, you do have a lot of junk and
it’s littered all around my place! You better drag your butt here and take care
of it, you hear me… Yeah I know… I’m starting to sound like mom. Well, take
care and hope you can get some sleep tonight. Bye!”
Haruka hung up and the cordial
smile that she was sporting vanished. As she slumped on the couch, her glance
swept around her apartment. Without Megumi around, it really looked bigger that
she had ever realized. Worse, it felt awkwardly empty and silent. It had been
already a month since her sister had decided to move in with Kim Hotal to help her take care of her baby, although boxes of
her belongings still remained on her room and Haruka
doubted she would dispose of the room in the anticipation of future occasional
visits from her younger sister. She couldn’t help but feel a sort of motherly
pride over the younger Shitow's sudden burst of
maturity. It had been Megumi’s own initiative the decision to move to Kim’s
place to help her around given that the girl, aside from them and her newborn
was practically alone in the world. Past misunderstandings and crushes were
left in the past and a renewed bond had been created out of the common thread
of experiences of losses and change, of laughs and tears they both shared. Megu-chan was indeed growing up and uncle Rikudoh would have been very proud to know that his
admonitions and advices had truly taken root.
The circumstances that they had all experienced made
their friendship grow stronger. She could still remember how horrible the first
weeks that followed the failed tuning had been. All three of them would gather
in the makeshift survivor refuge that Supply Base 707 had been turned into and
silently cry until they ran out of tears. It had been a really testing period
for both Haruka and Kim. The younger woman, still
mourning the death of Major Yagumo Souichi, would first feel sympathetic for Haruka just to wake up the next day and blame her for
bringing Ayato to their world and ultimately being
indirectly responsible for the major’s tragic and untimely death. Haruka didn’t know what hurt her the most: the fact that
Kim could actually believe that either her or Ayato
acted with even the slight knowledge of what it would happen or the fact that
she should apologize for rescuing Ayato from Tokyo
Jupiter. Even with all the death and destruction that resulted from Ayato’s merging with RahXephon
and the disastrous consequences that followed, she could never bring herself to
regret what she did, but she also knew Kim’s reaction was an irrational
reaction due to the pain of her loss. She knew all too well about the
irrationality of love: after all she had stubbornly refused to let go of her
affections towards Kamina even after more than a
decade had passed. She grimly wondered if she would ever stop loving him.
In the end, it had been poor Elvy
who would stoically listen to their suffering as she decided to instead wash
her own sorrows away with sake or any available spirit, sometimes alone,
sometimes with the elder Shitow sister. Only once had
Haruka remembered seeing Elvy
breaking down under the stress and the emotion: at the memorial ceremony for
her fallen Alpha Squadron comrades. That sunny afternoon, a squadron of raven
black Titanias flew overhead performing a missing-man
formation as the Honor Guard with their neatly pressed uniforms and impeccably
polished shoes placed wreaths over their tombstones, symbolic really, as their
remains were never found. All the Federation brass made act of appearance and
Director Watari’s words had stirred everyone’s
emotions. It had been far too much even for battle hardened Elvy
and Haruka had ended lending her shoulder for the Lieutenant
to discreetly cry on.
The last year went by like a blur and the new
circumstances had given her time to meditate on what had happened, but for Shitow Haruka, that wasn’t a good
thing. In fact, she loathed having this apartment for herself after years of
always having another human being’s presence around. First it had been her mom
and dad when she still lived a normal life, then Itsuki’s
company at college, then uncle Rikudoh and Megumi,
and finally her beloved Ayato himself for a wonderful
albeit far too brief period. This loneliness just didn’t suit her and she felt
ill equipped to deal with it. At least she had managed to rescue Buchi the cat a second time around and now the feline slept
comfortably in her sofa. At least a living being had decided to keep her
company after all.
Of course there was always work and there were loads
of it to keep her busy way past retirement. Now that TERRA disappeared as a
separate entity, the government had annexed its resources and members into the
Federation. Thanks to Agent Jumonji's
recommendations, she had been promoted to Major and now worked alongside her
uncle and the former TERRA director Watari Shirow as they headed the investigative team that sought to
understand the Mu and its links to the defunct Bahbem foundation. Many secrets surfaced that had the
short-haired woman's head spinning for weeks. If the fact that Kamina Maya was her uncle's daughter hadn't been surprising
enough as Jumonji had revealed when he was still
under the alias of reporter Futugami, to find out
that Director Watari had been her husband and Itsuki's and Ayato's father had
been quite shocking to say the least. Each time she browsed over the vast
reports that the Federation seized from the Bahbem
foundation she braced for even more unsettling discoveries that shattered a
little more of her faith in humanity. Most of their discoveries let her so
disturbed it was hard not to see life and her own existence as part of some
twisted sort of vast conspiracy theory turned reality. Isshiki
and Nanamori's lives reduced to mere clones, the
Vermilions being in reality experimental mechanical dolems,
Lord Bahbem's Methuselah-like longevity; all these
disturbing findings pilled up in her head in such a way that insomnia had
become part of her daily routine just like brushing her hair or eating.
Still, even her dealings with what the Foundation
and even TERRA itself had ended up being could not distract her enough to dull
the vacuum that had lodged inside her soul since that fateful day when the world
seemed to halt its endless elliptical course. Her life post tuning had become
aimless; her inner compass lay broken along with the shattered pieces of her
illusions. For the very first time in 30 years, she searched for a purpose to
justify her own existence but couldn’t find one. The last reason she had
steadfastly held on to, to care for her sister, had whisked away along with
Megumi's belongings out of her home and her life. At least Elvy
found a new purpose as flight instructor for the USDF after struggling with her
own survival when so many had been lost in that bloody war. The veteran pilot
wanted to instill her resilient survival instinct on the younger generations of
fighter airmen. Even with Bahbem dead and Maya
captured, there was no telling if the MU planned a return or what they could
come up next, so Elvy kept her guard up, waiting for
the day she could finally avenge her comrades. But Haruka,
unlike Elvy or Kim or the other survivors felt her
life was nothing but a charade now. The professional officer, the capable and
talented Intel analyst with a work ethic second to none, admired and respected
by her peers was in truth an empty shell. She knew she existed but she was not
living in the true sense of the word, not anymore.
“I should have died that day. I should have at least
shared in death what we could never have in life. Was it so wrong for me to
keep that hope and to pursue my dream? Am I such a wretched human being that my
wish was denied over and over again? What’s left for me now?”
Haruka’s head sank into her palms as she braced for
yet another round of a hopeless struggle against her two new companions: misery
and loneliness. She noticed with dread the signs of their arrival materialize
as the crescent moon hung high over the cold Tokyo nightscape: the oppressive
weight over her heart, the chill against her skin, the long shadows that
stirred with unnatural life. Haruka glanced at her
owns hands as they shook with fright in anticipation of the punishment that was
bound to be inflicted upon her psyche. Every instant her mind was vacated and
silence replaced the sounds of the daily grind, the voices would come and haunt
her. It didn’t matter how hard she struggled to avoid or ignore them; in the
end they would find her and torture her until the waking hours. She knew that
those close to her knew that something wasn’t right but she couldn’t make
herself care for what they thought anymore. It wasn’t that they didn’t try
enough to humor her in their efforts to bring part of the old Haruka back. On the contrary, they had been more than
diligent to the point of sometimes being asphyxiating as they attempted in vain
to resurrect a part of her that was slowly fading away. Sometimes she relented
just enough so they would leave her be for a while knowing her change of mood
was in truth good acting on her part. Her rational mind was still sharp enough
to realize she was hitting rock bottom. However, she was so emotionally numb it
didn’t matter anymore. And so everyday came and went as she waited for life to
make sense for her again, to catch a sliver of the proverbial light at the end
of the tunnel. She hoped she found it soon because she wasn’t sure for how long
she could go on with the farce that her life had become.
Tonight she felt too weary to even endure a single
round of her companions’ merciless attacks, so the newly appointed USDF major
stood up from the couch and without hesitation, directed her steps towards the
bathroom. As lightless chocolate eyes locked with hers in the mirror image, she
opened the medicine cabinet and reached for a small, amber colored bottle. As
she grasped it, she could listen to the base doctor’s admonitions about the
risk of becoming dependant on the sleeping pills but between having a night of
deep, nightmare-free sleep and risking her sanity to slip a little more, she
chose the lesser of the two evils. Holding the pills tightly on her right fist
and a glass of water on the left, Shitow Haruka entered her bedroom. She washed the pills down her
throat and her cheek met the soft pillow. As darkness engulfed her eyesight and
began taking her conscience away, she secretly hoped with all her might she
could stay in that dreamlike state, devoid of heartache and emptiness and never
return to suffer anymore. Perhaps in that place she might be at last granted
the happiness that had been denied to her all her life.
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“Well Haruka, when was the
last time we had the chance to sit down and enjoy a meal? Was it 4 weeks ago?”
“Actually it has been about 6 months now oji-san.”
Rikudoh Shougo
struggled to swallow that last bite as he looked at his niece in mild shock.
Laptop at her side, Haruka gave her uncle an amused
look. At least she could attribute her occasional forgetfulness to her gene
pool.
“Has it really been that long? Goodness, how time
flies, but you’re right. I seem to recall that Megu had been with us that time
also. How she’s doing? I’m glad she decided to return to school.”
-“Yes, she told me yesterday that's she’s being
doing quite well. In fact, we might even have a special guest join us at dinner
one of these days, but don’t tell her I told you!”
“I won’t! I’m so happy for her. I’m relieved that I
don’t have to worry about her anymore. You on the other hand…” Rikudoh's voice lowered.
Haruka lifted her glance as she
lowered her teacup. She found her uncle’s dark orbs assessing her in silence as
an expression of concern lodged on his face.
“Haruka-chan, I understand
that among all of us, you are shouldering a very heavy burden and I shouldn’t
expect you to behave as if nothing happened, but still I can't help but feel
worried about you. You've changed and I'm not sure I like it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m afraid that you have given up.”
Haruka didn’t reply. She seemed to
be staring at an empty space, her fingers playing absentmindedly with the
chopsticks from their lunch. Rikudoh Shougo sighted.
“You know, your aunt Maya asked me about you.”
“Aunt Maya?” Haruka
exclaimed. Rikudoh nodded. Although Kamina Maya faced a complex legal process that was expected
to culminate in a trial for crimes against humanity at the La Hague
International Court, Director Watari's position had
allowed her the unusual privilege of remaining on house arrest under the USDF's custody instead of the prison stay it usually
awaited those facing charges of High Treason. This had allowed those who prior
the Absolute Barrier counted themselves as her relatives to visit her
periodically after years of separation. There was no use in keeping
animosities, not anymore and because everyone had lost so much, they thought it
was better for all to try and rebuild what was still salvageable even if it
meant dealing with a former enemy. Haruka had been
one of those visitors, since Maya had placed particular interest in meeting the
person who had ended taking the lion's share of her son's heart. The Intel
officer had been apprehensive at first, believing that the former Mu leader held her responsible for her utter ruin and their
first meetings had been filled with awkwardness. However, Haruka
soon realized that Rikudoh's adopted daughter held no
animosities towards her and so in a strange twist of fate Kamina
Maya, feared head of the Mu became simply her aunt
Maya.
“Yes, we talked for a while and she told me the most
interesting thing. You know that since the Mu
retreated, her spiritual powers and her awareness have been fading but so far
she hasn’t lost all of them. She was the most powerful among them after all, so
I believe it will take quite some time for her powers to completely disappear.
Anyway, remember the last time you came to visit? Well, after you left, I
noticed she looked quite concerned. After a little probing, she told me she had
sensed dissonance within you and that your timbre was dulling. It seems that we
red-blooded humans can also posses this quality, this timbre as they call it
and yours happens to be exceptionally strong. This alarmed her because she
believes that the unusual clarity and warm quality of your timbre was the thing
that attracted Ayato to you in the first place. She said that after much meditation, she
realized this had to be the explanation because they were never able to erase
your imprint from his memories. You can also add the fact that Itsuki also felt attracted to you. My best guess is that for
lack of a better term to draw a comparison, the timbre is something similar to
the aura.”
Haruka looked at her oji-san with a stunned expression. She admitted this was a
plausible explanation. After all, what were the odds of twin brothers that
didn’t even knew each other being interested in the same person but in
different circumstances and time? Leaning forward, Rikudoh
continued:
“But this is the part that worries me. Maya said
that she felt as if your timbre was being slowly swallowed by a void and that
if that kept happening, the void was going to replace your essence. I don’t
know how to interpret this. After all, I’m a scientist but there are too many
mysteries of the Mu that I know we will never be able
to crack, but I’m afraid your aunt has a point. I've been able to know you like
a father would. You've lived under my roof since you left college and I’ve
witnessed your journey, how hard you’ve worked to gain your position at TERRA,
how you’ve cared for Megu not as much a sister but almost like a mother. I’ve
seen your ups and downs and it pains me to acknowledge that you are letting
yourself die inside. Of course, I shouldn’t judge you so harshly. I have my own
failures for which I atone each passing day, but I believe I haven’t allowed
them to alter who I really am.”
“But oji-san…” Haruka replied vehemently, “you don’t understand what it
feels to fight and struggle just to see your dreams shatter all over again. It
hurts too much and I don’t want to be wounded anymore, so if by shutting down
my emotions is the only way I find to protect me from the pain, then that’s
what I'll do. I'm sorry if this means becoming this being but I can't seem to
find another way.”
As Haruka wrought her
hands nervously over her lap, the archaeologist watched her in silence.
Inhaling sharply, he replied:
“I see. Well, I’m glad that at least we had this
conversation. I have to go back to work now, but I just wanted to let you with
a thought a good friend of mine shared once; life can be divided in two parts:
10% are the things we cannot control and 90% are those that we can do something
about it. The key to success is to learn how to use that 90% to deal with the
remaining 10.”
“Sounds like a good advice” the short-haired woman
conceded. “Who told you that?”
“Kunugi Jin. You see, he
didn’t allow the 10% determine how he was going to live. There were things that
he wished he could have changed but since that was impossible; he decided
instead to work with the things that were within his control. His steady
leadership was a source of inspiration for all of you. I know you and Jin
didn’t see eye to eye in many moments, but I believe you understood in the end
what he was trying to do. Ayato’s fate might had been
much different hadn’t been by him and I’m sure you’ve come to realize that now.”
Haruka nodded silently. She had
indeed understood that much later and regretted the times they had argued.
“Haruka-chan, only you can
decide what to do with your life and none of us can interfere. Just remember
that those of us who have survived have the responsibility of being grateful
for the chance that has been given to us. Take care, niece. I’ll be seeing you
later.”
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It had been two weeks since Haruka
had that fateful conversation with Rikudoh-san. Two
weeks that she had been finally able to sleep on her own. 14 days in which the
voices had seemed to lose their edge and found themselves struggling to impact
her as they used to. Today, instead of returning to work after lunch, she found
herself walking, wandering without aim or destination through the streets of
the city that began to rise again from the ashes of war and oppression, at last
free of the dome that had isolated it in time from the rest of the world. There
were moments she missed the pure and invigorating scent of the ocean breeze
that was so characteristic of Nirai-Kanai, but in the
end, the city where she had grown up the first half of her life was the one she
ended calling home. After all, this city had been witness to the awakening of
her heart to the precious emotion that became her motor, her motivator in life.
The essence of that all powerful sentiment lingered impregnated in so many
places that she could swear she could still perceive it, pure and untarnished
as the first day it had taken hold of her heart.
Haruka smiled genuinely for the
first time in months. Rikudoh's words had touched a
fiber in her soul that managed to awaken the individual her loved ones missed
so much, the one who had never accepted defeat or hopelessness, the one that
dared to defy time itself and had miraculously succeeded even if it were for a
brief moment. It would take a her while to recover and she expected the voices
to still seek and haunt her but the real Shitow Haruka was finally rising from the grave she had been sunk
into. At last, a small and delicate light of hope had flickered defiantly
inside her fragile heart.
“Oji-san’s right. I can't give up yet. I’ve made it
out of countless situations and that should be proof enough that there's still
purpose in my presence in this world. There must be something left for me to do
here and I will not give up until I find out what it is.”
Dusk began to set. Haruka's eyes went to the watch
on her wrist and for reasons unknown, she had mistakenly grabbed the one that
had dual timezones displayed instead of her newer,
normal one. She had believed it to be damaged but even if it worked, there was
no purpose to it anymore now that time was one and the same for all. She
blinked as she watched the LCD displays in both segments glowing, the numbers
keeping their steady count. She raised an eyebrow in surprise. The times
displayed on the upper and lower portions were running in unison, as if the
watch itself had realized that there were no two distinct timezones
anymore.
Her thoughts momentarily paused as she felt
something soft brush against her cheek. Her fingers nimbly caught the object.
As she opened her hand, a gust of wind blew away the white feather that came to
rest on her palm. Her eyes followed the feather take flight high above her
reach, but another one, then two more, now three seemed to have followed the
first as they twirled their way down and up again powered by the wind’s fancy.
Haruka's heart began pounding more rapidly. A shower
of snow white feathers began spiraling from the sky pouring down on her. She
gasped. The feathers seemed to emanate unexplainable warmth. The officer stood
still as she was bathed by a pure and comforting light that attempted to
exorcise the darkness and coldness that had taken hold over her soul. She felt
as if she was being embraced by invisible arms that infused her with a sense of
peace and comfort that appeased her restlessness. This warmth, it was so
familiar…but what could it be?
“Kami-sama… what is this
feeling?” Haruka hesitantly tried to understand what
this signals could mean. She began walking as she tried to steady her heart,
attempting to make sense of what had just happened. Had it been real or was it
that her sanity was slipping away? Her feet moved frantically. Her body was
swallowed by a sea of salarymen and giggling
schoolgirls, of passerby and tourists as she struggled like a salmon against
the river's current trying to move forward. Amidst the mass of faceless bodies
in motion, she caught glimpse of an object that stirred memories of better
times and brought a lump to her throat. A gust of wind made a long, yellow
scarf twirl above the human mass tracing a path unknown. Instinctively, the
former TERRA officer followed its trajectory as she made her way out of the
crowd. Her eyes locked on the floating fabric as it slipped down a stairway. Haruka paused for an instant to read the sign above the
stairs: “Hongo Intersection.” It was one of the newly
repaired train stations and for a reason she couldn’t lay her finger on, it
rang a bell, but her focus was still full on the yellow object that kept
levitating as if it were infused by a will of its own as it kept beckoning her
to follow it.
Her auburn gaze pursued the scarf until it finally
slowly descended to the floor of the station. As she walked towards it, the
scarf rose again, this time lifted by someone. She couldn't distinguish well
the crouching silhouette that had incorporated because of the influx of
passengers that obstructed her view. She moved closer and was able to
distinguish an image of a pair of dove wings extended at either side. It was a
copy of an iconographic Magritte painting. It seemed that particular piece had
become quite ubiquitous recently because she had seen more than once in other
places and today was no exception. However, the Magritte wasn’t all she saw. A
tall figure framed by white wings against blue sky stood expectantly. Her heart
began pounding loudly again against her ribcage. Her right hand rose to rest
over her chest. Her fingertips felt her own strong and accelerated heartbeats
pound rhythmically. Her eyes dared to trace a path from where the scarf dangled
to the hand that held it, then to the arm. Her eyes kept rising until they
beheld the sight of blue eyes so bright and warm she felt they could peer into
her soul and now those azure orbs locked with her chocolate hued ones. Haruka gasped. A single tear slipped down her cheek.
“I knew you would find me” a masculine voice gently
said. His eyes were gleaming. Gray hair framed the man's pale face.
Haruka couldn't move, couldn't
speak, couldn't think. The only thing she could do was to wait as the man began
bridging the gap that separated them with steady, measured steps. More tears
escaped her eyes as her head swayed from side to side and her hands balled
against her sides.
“No, this cannot be, I'm losing it, I'm really going
insane for good…” Her head hung low as she stared at her black boots to avoid
receiving the visual input of her self-delusion, cursing her mind for torturing
her in such a cruel manner. Her breath caught up on her throat as the warmth of
palms holding her cheeks evidenced the reality of what her senses had
perceived. She heard him inhale deeply as her face was gently lifted so their
gazes could meet again. Through her moisture-streaked eyes she saw him smile
gently as his fingers caught the tears that kept slipping down. Her voice
finally found its way out.
“Ayato…it is really you?
Please let it be you because my heart can’t stand any more grief” the
short-haired woman said as her voice trembled.
The man nodded in affirmative as his tears joined
hers. His voice denoted the heartfelt emotions that pulled inside him.
“Don't be afraid, it is me in the flesh, in human
flesh. I've finally found my way back.”
“But you disappeared without a trace after tuning
failed. How…”
Ayato placed a finger against
Haruka's lips halting her words and smiled again.
“I have answers to all your questions and they will
be answered in due time, but this much I can assure you: our world never had
the need to be tuned. Humanity is so remarkable that even with its flaws it
holds the capacity within itself of fixing what is wrong, and no one can change
that fact. No artificial means or the arrogance of individuals could ever forcefeed a false sense of order or happiness on people, be
it MU or human. I’ve been watching you, waiting in earnest for you to find your
path and the moment you let hope enter your heart again, you allowed me to
return.”
Her hands came to cover her mouth. It sounded so
simple yet she suddenly realized the journey she had gone through and
understood the wisdom that his words revealed. How could she be able to truly
love if she could not come to terms with herself? Life in itself was a gift to
cherish and be grateful for because even in the face of all odds, in life there
was hope. How ironic that in order to
recover the one she loved she had to rediscover herself after so many times she
had been the one that had helped him find his true self. A grateful smile
curved on her lips.
“Thank you.”
“No Haruka, thank you for
realizing who you are and for being yourself again.”
Unable to reign in her emotions any longer, she
plunged forward, lacing her arms around him neck as she brought him close in an
embrace. She shut her eyes, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against
her own, sensing his aroma, luxuriating in the comfort of his arms tightly
surrounding her waist. She tilted her head up to glimpse at his face again. Ayato now towered over her and his hair was longer. The
boyish features she had seen on him a year ago had noticeably morphed into a
man's. He looked exactly as she had imagined he would at this age. Suddenly,
she remembered the strange phenomenon with her wristwatch and smiled inwardly.
Time it seemed had finally caught up with him. Wishing for this moment to be
frozen for eternity, she murmured as she tightened her hold:
“Don’t you ever leave me again Kamina
Ayato.”
Staring at the love in her eyes, he solemnly
replied:
“Never. I’ll never leave you again. This time I will
never let you go” he whispered as he decided to allow his lips convey the truth
of his words.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Elvy Hadhiyat
glanced at her cell phone. No answer. Frustrated, she hung up the call and
tossed the small gadget over the passenger’s seat. As she parked her car, she
caught a glimpse of a yellow compact parked at their apartment complex. It
seemed the car's owner had decided to return home after lunch for reasons still
unknown. After grabbing her phone, Elvy slammed the
door loudly as her feet rushed towards the elevator at the main lobby. The
phone at the major's apartment rang incessantly. Nothing, she wasn't answering
that one either. This disappearing act wasn't normal. Haruka
could be really scatterbrained sometimes but she seldom left work without
letting someone know about it and much less forget about a Korean BBQ outing
like the one they had planned for the evening. It had been hard to convince her
since her depression seemed to be taking a tighter hold of her but Elvy had finally managed to sway her. She couldn’t honestly
remember her comrade in such a state before. It pained her deeply to see her
like that because even if she had never vocalized it, she had always admired
the shorter woman's determination and persistence. The fighter pilot couldn’t
allow herself to lose someone she cared about again, not when she could still
do something to prevent it.
After the elevator doors opened, albeit far too
slowly for her, she dashed outside and began making the corner towards her
friend's apartment. As she walked in long strides, she caught the sound of
voices approaching from the opposite side. The particular cadence of Haruka’s
laughter startled her. How long had it been since she had heard her laugh like
that? It had been a while, she realized and there had been moments she'd feared
she wouldn’t ever hear it again. The pilot sighted in relief and the
apprehensive tightness in her chest loosened; she could put to rest all the
worst case scenarios she dreaded might had happened. She smiled inwardly. She
meditated about letting this one slip off but her sympathetic mood lasted all
of 20 seconds and she readied to give her absent-minded colleague the lashing
of a lifetime for making her worry sick. The male voice that replied to
Haruka’s cheerful voice stopped her dead on her tracks. Since when Haruka was seeing a guy she wondered. With her present
emotional state, she would have believed that dating was the last thing on the
Intel agent's mind, but it seemed she had thought wrong. He spoke again and
there was actually something that activated her mind's gears. For a strange reason
she couldn’t pinpoint, his voice sounded oddly familiar. Feeling slightly
uncomfortable for intruding in what it was obviously a private moment, the
lieutenant peered discretely from her hiding place. Haruka's companion was at
least a head taller than her and the color and styling of his hair belonged to
her mental image of someone else. As Haruka opened
the door, her feline roommate dashed out and in a single leap, he came to rest
over his owner’s welcoming arms mewling happily.
“Buchi! I’m sorry I didn’t
come home earlier. Ayato, you remember Buchi right?”
Elvy shook her head in utter
confusion as her brown eyes opened wide. Did she just say…no, she must have
heard wrong. Kamina Ayato
was gone from their lives for a year now and he was believed to be either lost
or dead. He had simply vanished without a trace along with Quon.
There was no evidence that pointed to the contrary.
“Of course I remember him.” Ayato
replied cheerily as he petted the cat’s head. “I’m glad he decided to stick
around.” The rest of the conversation was lost to Elvy
as they entered inside and the door closed behind them.
She couldn’t deny it anymore. This man was really Kamina after all! But how… when did he…Elvy’s head began to
spin as all sorts of questions materialized on her mind, but she didn’t care
for them right now. The most important thing is that he was back. It would take
time to get used to his adult appearance but that didn’t matter now. She was
really glad someone else managed to survive. Elvy
began moving towards Haruka's door when she halted. No, this was their moment.
She turned around as she glanced at her watch. An impish grin perched on her
tanned face.
“You have until morning and you better make good use
of the time being, because tomorrow you bet I’ll be here for breakfast and a
long-winded interrogation. Hmm, I wonder if she'll remember our ‘agreement’…”
The door opened again and Haruka’s head came out
scanning sideways, as a very noticeable shade of crimson lodged on her cheeks.
How at 30 Haruka could still blush like a schoolgirl
was a mystery to Elvy, but she guessed that was part
of her charm. The door closed once more. The tall woman noticed that the tie
that she had been wearing from the “Annie Hall” styled combination her friend
seemed to favor hung at the doorknob. Elvy’s face strained to keep the sudden
surge of laughter that bubbled up her throat from escaping.
“So you did remember our signal after all. And you
always said that it was a silly, unnecessary thing. I guess it doesn't seem so
silly anymore, huh? Have fun you two!” Elvy murmured
to herself.
Moving towards the elevator as her hands went to
rest inside her the pockets of her red fighter pilot’s jacket, she thought as a
smile curved on her lips:
“Don’t worry Haruka, I’ll
make sure no one disturbs your evening but you owe big time. Alright, now to
figure out what to do with those dinner reservations… Ah well, guess I’ll just
haul Megu and Kim along.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------
May 2030
Nirai Kanai Mu
War Memorial Complex
“So, this is it?”
Kamina Ayato
walked slowly on the grounds where TERRA Headquarters used to be and now hosted
the newly inaugurated Mu War Memorial. It was one of
the few parts of the island that was opened to the general public, not that he
would have faced any problems entering any of the restricted areas due to his
companion’s clearance, but he wasn’t particularly interested in those anyway.
The docks where the TERRA fleet once stood proudly, the small shrine that held
so many clues to his legacy and the airport were just a few of the grounds that
were now encircled by tall cyclone fences with sharp concertina wire and surrounded
by heavily armed guards. The HQs would have also ended seized had not been for
the unprecedented amount of damage it had received after the huge blast of the
TDD engines that Kunugi had used on his last stand
ended up virtually vaporizing any vestige of the complex.
“Yes” Haruka replied. “As
you can see, Nirai-Kanai for all practical purposes
is almost deserted. There’s still plenty of research being done here and there
are labs and military garrisons scattered all around but that's about it. The
city and its civilian population were evacuated long ago. The only thing that’s
unrelated to the government is the memorial and the cemetery.”
“I see.” Ayato's eyes
peered at the blue on blue horizon that surrounded the technological marvel and
natural beauty that used to be Nirai Kanai in its
glory days. His memory replaced with vivid images the voids that his eyes
perceived in the barren landscape. His feet still could remember the way that
led to the convenience store were he had spent countless hours in Megumi’s
company or the sloping road that took him to Itsuki’s
and Quon’s beautiful two-story house. As he stood
there, lost in his own inner musings, a girl with short red hair and quick pace
hurried towards them.
“’Nee-chan, Ayato-kun, you’d better hurry. The ferry will be leaving in
five minutes!” an agitated Megumi yelled as she wiped the sweat off her
forehead. Snapped out of his reverie, Ayato replied:
“Okay Megu. We'll meet you there.”
“Don't be late onii-san!”
Megumi retorted with a big smile. Haruka observed the
scene with an amused expression.
“Well, she sure seems to be enjoying the company of
her new brother-in-law. I wonder if she really outgrew the crush she used to
have on you.”
“Haruka, it has been
almost two years since that. Is it me or did I caught a glimpse of jealousy in
you?”
“Hey, one can never lower the guard and she’s quite
the beauty now…” Haruka replied with a sly grin.
“You are a terrible sister. You should be grateful Megu-chan and you have always enjoyed a close relationship”
Kamina replied with a stern gesture that was quickly
replaced by a broad smile.
“My bad, from now one I will not be jealous at Megumi
even if she still sometimes stares at you with puppy eyes. You know, it’s sad
that you were supposed to have a sibling too but you weren’t ever given the
chance to even know he existed.”
“I know; I have to admit that I’m still absorbing
the fact that Itsuki was my twin yet I knew so little
about him I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact. At least this
knowledge has allowed me to understand his behavior now that I know. He did
care a lot about you; that was quite obvious, not that I really liked it then.”
“I guess so and I cared for him too. I do miss him and
I think if none of this had ever happened, perhaps we could have maintained a
good friendship.”
“Or you might have ended with two husbands…”
Haruka glared at Ayato still debating whether to retort with a rather saucy
comment of her own or to scold him for coming up with such an outrageous idea.
She opted instead for neither choice and decided to instead let silence speak
for itself. He lifted his hands apologetically as he gathered her in his arms.
“Okay, that was a bad joke, but you have to admit
that it would have made for good drama.”
“Sorry, I guess that this place is still
overwhelming for me. It just stirs far too many memories and I find myself
struggling to accept that so many good people are gone.” Haruka
inhaled deeply as she locked eyes with Ayato. “At
least I’m glad you are finally able to remember your past and what we shared
back then.”
“Yes, at least all my memories were returned to me.
It’s hard to believe how I managed to survive without them. No wonder I’ve
always felt there was an empty space in my soul.”
“That's why you used to feel so lost and incomplete
because your true self lay within those remembrances.”
“But now I'm not lost or incomplete anymore and
there’s still so much to do. You know, I just wish I can someday become Kim's
friend again, but I guess it is still too early for that.”
Ayato sighted as he reached for
his wife's left hand, playing with the gold band that now rested on her ring
finger. She raised their linked hands to rest over her heart and she placed a
feathery kiss atop his.
“It will take time but I know in the end Kim and you
will be able to make amends. Come, we’d better hurry. I’m glad the beach is
returning to its former glory and maybe in another occasion we can spend the
day here like we did before but right now I'd much rather spend the night at
home.”
“Any particular reasons for that?” Haruka heard him retort with a seductive intonation in his
voice. Her elbow rammed his side as she offered him a reprimanding stare that
quickly morphed into a mischievous smirk.
“You know, I might have some…do you want to hear
them?”
“I’m all ears.”
“You'll
have to catch me first!” And without any more words she dashed away towards the
bay where the ferry was, as she could hear the motors beginning to motion the
craft away. “She sure still runs like the wind,” Kamina
mumbled under his breath as he hurried to catch up with her. Megumi shook her
head in disbelief as she watched the infantile display of her sister and her
brother-in-law as they leapt to board the departing vessel.
“Hmmp, those two act like they’re still kids. Hey newlyweds,
better start behaving your age already! What do you think we should do about
those two Elvy?…Elvy…?”
The
dark-haired aviator could not reply to the girl’s frustrated remarks since she
had succumbed to a deep sleep and Megumi didn’t even dared to ponder what she
would do to her if her slumber were to be disturbed. Megu sighted loudly as she
stared into the heavens pleading to be spared from the utter
embarrassment she felt at that precise instant watching her onee-chan fixing
her hair with a sheepish smile after her impromptu athletic display and
the stunned expressions of the other passengers. Who would have
imagined that the 16 year old would end up behaving in a more mature manner
than the adults around her? While observing the blissful expression her sister
displayed as she caught a glimpse of the couple, she decided that her momentary
shame was fair tradeoff for her happiness. She sure as hell had earned it; that
much was true. Putting her hands over her ears to block Elvy’s annoying
snores, she realized her elder sister glancing at her pensively when all out of
a sudden she stuck out her tongue. Snickering, Megumi quickly replied in the
same manner as she pointed out at the pilot. She knew Haruka
wouldn’t be able to resist the opportunity to poke some fun out of Elvy's
strident snoring and unusual defenseless state. Giving a quick peck
to her husband on the lips, she scurried away with Ayato’s
paints and soon she was beside Megu debating what to draw on the aviator’s
face.
As
he observed the scene amused, Ayato felt a soft
object brush past his cheek. Putting his tracing notebook and charcoal pencil
away, his eyes peered up the expansive sky and noticed what it looked like
delicate black objects floating about. His hands caught one in mid-air. He
opened his hand and his glance lowered to examine what was tickling his palm. It
was a feather, black as the moonless night. His lips curved into a smile as he
pursed his lips and blew it away, allowing the feather to take flight. His
attention focused back to the outline of Nirai Kanai
as it began to shrink, and from a distance he distinguished scores of shimmering
black feathers that seemed to rain over the Memorial. He sensed Haruka’s
presence beside him as she seemed to be hiding, judging by Elvy’s livid
expression, obviously wanting to let the neophyte artists have a piece of
her mind regarding the multicolored scribbling she now sported on her face.
Puzzled by Ayato’s enraptured expression, she arched
a brow as her glance panned from his face to the coast.
“Ayato, is that…?” she mumbled as she too stood in awe at
the mystical manifestation she now witnessed.
Ayato nodded in affirmative. His
arm extended to point at something that had caught his attention among the
already remarkable spectacle. Haruka followed the
trajectory and her eyes caught a glimpse of a slender figure clad in an elegant
black dress. Long, reddish hair swayed around her like a cape as it was
caressed by the subtle sea breeze. The girl walked in a leisurely pace. It was
hard to distinguish much now due to the distance and the oscillating rhythm of
the waves moving the ferry under her feet but Haruka
could have sworn the girl seemed like she was singing. The couple smiled at
each other. In an almost inaudible voice that only Haruka
was able to hear, Ayato simply murmured as his hand
gestured a greeting wave towards the mysterious girl at the beach:
“Welcome back, Quon.”
~Fin~
Glossary:
Stall: A condition in which an aircraft or airfoil
experiences an interruption of airflow resulting in loss of lift and a
tendency to drop.
Magritte: As in Rene Magritte, Belgian Surrealist
Painter, 1898-1967
Onne-chan – Elder sister
Oji-san – Uncle
Ex Ciris
Cineris – Latin for “from the ashes.”
Author’s
Notes:
Muses work in mysterious ways and the
story I had initially planned was based on the events of Operation Overlord but
in the end I came up with this Alternate Ending tale. Among the stories I’ve
written so far, this fic has to be one of the most
emotional because I found myself on the verge of tears while writing Haruka’s
encounter with Ayato on Hongo
Station and that had never happened to me before. Working Haruka’s depression
wasn’t easy either but I’ll admit that this story was originally conceived with
a more somber ending and overall tone, but I guess the sappy romantic in me won
over so you get to enjoy a happy ending instead.
Okay,
references. Dates in the story are based on Phillip R. Bank's RahXephon timeline. Aircraft and other references are taken
from the RahXephon Bible. Watari
Shirow's quote comes from Ep
25 and the quote attributed to Kunugi Jin is paraphrased
from a real quote offered by my unit's Wing Commander. ;)
