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Review by Araya |
2008-10-06
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This is really beautiful and it really hits home for those who are struggling with religious concepts. For the most part, it flows really beautifully but it loses the tone a bit with "You don't have to be worshipped in a church" and picks back up towards the end. Another small interruption with the flow, is "And the choices each person makes to be great." I think that the "to be great" part can be removed. It not only breaks the flow of the piece by the sentence being so long, but also not all people become great. Some people make bad choices in life, etc. I think you would be better off with removing "to be great." Sorry. >< Just my opinion!
Great job Shel. Really beautiful and thought provoking. Great use and choice of words.
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Author's response:
Don't ever apologize for your opinion! Even if it's bad (which this is not) it's yours and you should stand behind it. ^__^
I completely agree with you about the 'choices' line.
Thank you so much for your helpful thoughts.
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