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Review by Loki |
2009-10-26
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This is an excellent mosaic of memory and its inter-meshing with the present
Knit-picks: Two *woman* (women) across the way, dialogue tags are far more effective than misusing punctuation as !! or combo's like !? etc; these grammatically flawed. Only one last observation with a sentence, where you had, 'give' and should have been, 'gave' tense-wise. But that was it, on the whole beautifully presented.
Highlights:
This ficlet was really clever, imaginative and the world building of your images, the landscapes, textures to the intimacy of Minako's encounters was palpable and convincing.
Poor, or should I say, paw Artemis! He was so cute and also, your use of imagery in that scene was good, Kunz, Ami and Mars. I also loved the brief scene with Mars and Minako on Mars, atmosperics very good.
The way memory flows into the present, funny and that scene where Ami I think, through a plushy bunny at Minako was hilarious. The scene on the bus too, and having her engaging in conversations with Kunzite during her flashback and that guy on the bus's reactions, precious!
I liked the argument between Jupiter and Mars, so many great moments. One of my faves also, was Minako flipping out of her bedroom window to rush to school... LOL That was classic. That was very good also. fabulous ficlet...
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