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Review by Bella*Luna |
2007-12-11
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Well that made me cry.
I loved this story. It really was great. I'm so glad that you finished it.
I wanna say the end felt rushed but I don't know that I could suggest ways that it could have been better....so I'm just going to say, good job!
^_^
•Shel
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Review by bin82501 |
2007-12-09
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First off, thanks for the new chapter and secondly, it's interesting the way you presented the guardian/ normal perosn dilema that all the senshi faced. I've always wondered whether the senshi chose to continue to be guardians and what happen between the end of Galaxia/Sailor Chaos to Crystal Tokyo. Ever since I started reading Moon fanfiction, different authors have handled it in different ways with the typical shitennou/senshi pairing or the lone senshi situation. Anyway, I can't wait for the next installment...
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Review by bin82501 |
2007-08-20
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Dahwha (mindless muttering in shock) Speechless. That was amazing. Sorry I haven't reviewed in a while but I still find it amazing how you are able to mold such a wonderful story with a very under appreciated character as the protagonist. Yui is one crazy b and a great twist to have a Sailor Mercury cameo. I forgot they were still soldiers lol. Great story, I can't wait for the next installment(s).
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Review by Bella*Luna |
2007-05-22
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Alright, well I hate Yui. Its just as simple as that. She is an evil, saddistic, coniving little b***h and I don't like her at all!
Way to make me hate her! It means that you are writing well. I'm severly impressed with how great this story is turning out to be. And I'm loving that fact that Hediki broke up with her. I was reading a little bit earlier in the chapter and thinking to myself, "I wonder what he will have to say about all of this."
I have a theory about something but I think I might PM you and ask you about that as not to give anything away....yes, I think I'll do that.
Great job still, keep it up. I'm loving this story.
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Review by Kihin Ranno |
2007-01-04
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I could pad this with a bunch of praise to begin with, but I won't, because you know I like this story and I'd rather just get to the heart of the matter.
I never realized this until Chapter 10, but for an Ami-centric story, you really focus on other characters a lot. I understand why there are so many cuts to Yui and Hideki; clearly they'll be central to the plot sometime in the future. And I would assume the same thing about Makoto and Asanuma since you also seem to be spending a lot of time on them.
But here's my problem. Particularly in the latest chaper, I almost didn't want to go back to the Ami/Akira stuff. I wanted to hear more about Mako and Asanuma. You see what I mean? I assume you must have a reason for cutting to them, so I trust you. I just think you should be careful of when you focus on other characters and how much. For some reason I feel like a lot of the scenes are just a little longer than they need to be/should be.
And that's my concrit for the day. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
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Review by Bella*Luna |
2006-12-18
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I just can't even believe how amazing this story is. I was apprehensive at first, just becuase I'm not a BIG Ami fan...I like her and all but I didn't think that a love story focusing on her would be interesting.
You have pulled it off! Very well, I might add.
I am sitting on pins and needles waiting for the next installment!
Between her sneaking around behind the backs of her friends (which she is very against) to the scene at the pool (what an exibitionist!) you have taken Amy through the life changing event of her first intimate relationship in a very well rounded, base covering, pin and needle creating way. I cannot wait until I get to read the next chapter!
Keep up the good work!
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Review by Jessica Pendragon |
2006-12-17
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muahaha, I love chapter 9. I love the Akira and Mercury part in the beginning and just their whole crazy trip with Ami being awesome. And Hideki reminds me of my bf and that cracks me up.
But I don't know about Dr. Nakajima lending them the 'surprise' though. He might agree to keep their secret but this is a little different in my mind. But I'll live, so don't worry. =P Good job regardless of my musings, this is my favorite chapter so far!
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Review by bin82501 |
2006-11-12
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I was also hesitant to read this at first just because it's Ami but wow! I usually only read stories only about Usagi, Rei or Minako but this story is very intriguing. You never expect Ami to be naughty but you know what they say, the "good girls" are the worst. Keep up the good work and I can't wait for the next chapter.
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Review by Jessica Pendragon |
2006-10-11
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I was hesitant to read this fic at first, mainly because it's Ami I guess. But I'm glad I stopped being an idiot and read it! ^_^ She's never been my favorite character but I'm starting to have a new appreciation for her through this.
The mood and tone you've set is perfect for a story about her I think and I've only read up to Chapter 3 and I already love it! I agree with Kihin too, Akira and Hideki are pretty much awesome and Yui is a great idea for a crazy bad guy against Ami.
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Review by Kihin Ranno |
2006-06-26
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Whoo! First review! XD
That being said, you already know I like everything you come up with. I'm a little surprised that I like this as much as I do since teacher/student romances sort of squick me. I know. Me. The unsquickable KR. But they do. There's something about the abuse of power that really does not sit well with me. However, from the previews that I've read, I think you handle it much better than any other teacher/student romance in existance. I think it helps that Ami is so clearly in control and Akira is so clearly not an asshole.
Once again, I think you've created a lot of multi-dimensional, believable characters. I'd say that's probably the strong suit of your writing. I liked Akira and Hideki almost immediately, and I can't stand Yui already. I cannot remember the last time I wanted to slap a fictional character so hard. Seriously. Shut up, Yui.
I will say that I can tell that Ami is a character you struggle with. Never is she OOC, but there are sometimes when... Well, can someone be too in character? I feel like there are certain instances where you drive the point home a little too much. The big one I'm thinking of is in chapter three where you had the paragraph about how she checks the nutritional facts. I agree, I'd think she'd do that, but you went on about it about five sentences too long. It's good characterization. We believe you.
Actually, I think you did something similar with Yui and the diet bar. Then again, that's your character, so I definitely see where the inclination to overjustify a character's actions would come from.
Anyway, I think you're off to a fantastic start, and I can't wait for the next chapter. ^_^
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Review by December |
2006-06-26
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I have always thought one of the hardest things about writing in the SM fandom is writing the senshi as normal girls, especially if no monster of the day ever shows up. But that is the strongest part about this piece; you write the senshi as people and as people who have grown since the end of the series. And you to this very well.
As a huge Makoto fan, I really do like the way you have protrayed her. She seems more comfortable in her skin and yet important parts of her past/character (e.g. the loss of her parents and years of living alone) still affect her in believeable ways. I also really like how you'd shown more of Ami than we often see in stories.
The only thing that gives me a little pause is Yui. Something about her is unsettling. I'm not sure if this is because you done such a good job of creating her as the "villain" character that I'm having this reaction or if there is actually something off in the presentation of Yui. [I've had a similar reaction to an amazing original character in a story before, so this really may not be a big deal.]
Overall, a very well written story with good characterization.
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