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Comments on The Prisoner by Dejana Talis


Review by Bella*Luna 2007-02-06

I've always considered the thought that Serenity had awakened Jadeite when she saved the world and forged Crystal Tokyo. After all, Beryl only put him in eternal sleep, the rest died at the hands of someone.

I like the fact that they aren't treating him like a traitor or evil being completely. Yes, he is in solitude but he is also visited often, fed regularly and well, and is allowed out to get fresh air.

I also like the fact that Jupiter and Venus are the only ones to visit him and feed him. It would make sense that Mars and Mercury would harbor and ill will towards him (Mars more than Mercury). It makes sense that Serenity would not go there either, but I would like to think that it has more to do with Mars, Mercury, and Endymion not allowing her to go for fear of Jadeite. I think that she would forgive him and forget his wrong-doings, that is just the way she is...

Good job though. I like the voice of Jadeite, it is clear and well written. ^.^
Review by December 2006-06-09

I really liked this piece, for three main reasons. First, I loved the general idea and concept. It makes sense that Neo Queen Serenity could accidently free Jadeite when she awoke the world from the big freeze. It's an idea that I haven't seen done before.

Second, I like the alternative view of both Crystal Toyko and being under guard from a former bad guy. I think there are some things that people really take for granted in the CT-era, but this different point of view allows you to question them.

I also greatly appreciated the honest reactions of Senshi Mars and Mercury (albeit related through Jadeite's eyes) to Jadeite. Of course, given their history, they would still see Jadeite as a threat. It is also interesting that it is Jupiter and Venus who (among the senshi) spend time with him. And I really did like the way he refers to them, not by planets but by the colors they wear.

The one thing that threw me for a while was the tense. Many stories are written in past tense, but this vignette was written in the present. It shook me up enough that I did process most of the story until I was halfway through it, and I had to read it again to get the full effect. If the tense choice was a conscious one to evoke an off-balance feel, it worked and you can ignore my confusion. If it wasn't a conscious choice to dis-orient, it could be worth considering changing the tense.

Overall, I really liked this piece. And I am glad that you are writing again.
Review by Starsea 2006-06-07

I really like the ambiguity in this story. It's understandable why they're treating him like this, and yet in a way, they're treating him just like Beryl did. He's still a prisoner, he's not allowed to show his loyalty or prove his worth, which is the cruellest punishment of all.

Like a lot of your stories, "The Prisoner" raises questions in the mind: how far can forgiveness go? Can you really trust a former enemy? What is trust? What is the line between bad and good?

The detail that lingers with me is that they don't even allow him a window. With all their technology, they could at least allow him that.
Review by Kihin Ranno 2006-06-06

I liked this when I first read it for one big huge reason. As much as I feel for Jadeite, and as much as I understand his pain, I also understand the Senshi's position in keeping their eyes on him at all times. Especially since this is anime fic (I assume since only Jadeite is present) and there is no suggestion of a relationship between the Shitennou and Endymion back in the Silver Millennium in this version. Never once have they been able to trust him in their prior experiences with him, and there is no reason for them to do so now.

In fact, it's really the prudent thing to do. They're the leaders of the world now, and if they were to grant a former, deadly enemy free reign, there would likely be an outcry among the people that could result in rioting and a plethora of other things. He may be allowed out now, but if someone were to see him, he would be surrounded, so presumably, the danger is contained. But to let a member of the Shitennou out and about without supervision and a few quick shots? Idiocy.

What I also like is that Jadeite is trying very, very hard not to hate them for what they're doing. I get the feeling that he almost understands their reservations and justifications, which would really make it all the more frustrating. He gets it, but he knows (as far as I can tell anyway) that he's not dangerous. And he can say that as much as he wants to, but he knows it isn't going to change anything, and probably only antagonize them. So he tries to act normally in those hopes that they realize that he is normal and not at all homocidal. Though I get the feeling from the ficlet that this has been going on for quite some time, so it's almost foolish for Jadeite to entertain that hope.

Then again, if he loses it, he may just become the one they fear he is.
Review by Kihin Ranno 2006-06-06

Bah, I hit submit before I was done and there's no way to edit. So, look. You get two. Sort of.

Anyway, I think you have accurately portrayed a difficult situation and made the reader understand both sides of the situation in a very short amount of time. I feel for all of them really, though mostly for Jadeite because boy does it suck to be him.

This could probably have the potential to be expanded, but it really doesn't need to be because I get everything I think I need to know from this. Besides, you have plenty of other projects, right? XD

Anyway, I really don't see why you don't write more villain fic. They were all fantastic, and you did win three awards. :P

Hope to see you back at SMMFC when we come 'round a theme you're interested in!
Review by stormwalker628 2006-06-06

Interesting. Jadeite raises the question about wether reform is possible after some actions. The only part I feel could be tightened up is the third paragraph from the end. The third and fourth sentences are really the same thought and might be better off being conjoined by a semi-colon. Otherwise very well written.
Review by amy 2006-06-06

It's a very interesting concept. I like the limited descriptions which mirrors his barren environment.

One theme I've noticed in your writing is that you don't see Neo Queen Serenity's future kingdom as a perfect utopia. There are conflicts and big issues that remain inspit of everything. People continue to suffer, mostly internally. I think this is the strength of your stories.

I don't see anything I would call a glaring flaw. It's a nice piece.


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