Scratch. Scratch.

I continued to write feverishly into the night, knowing that I have precious little time before the current phase of the moon begins to wane. This past transformation has been my worst yet. The potion that I had made had done little to ease the pain or give me any clarity of thought; if anything it had driven me further into the wolf’s mind.

Normally, I am able to remember most of what occurs during my transformations; the effect is similar to gazing into a Pensieve. I have no memories of this last full moon, however nothing but black obsidian replaces my normally horrifying memories. The fact of not knowing what I have done during the night is more terrifying than the knowledge of my transgressions.

Scratch. Scratch.

The sun has risen, and with it, talk of a girl missing from the village I have been living near. A young girl of barely seven, vanished nearly a fortnight ago from beside her family's flower garden bordering a heavily wooded area; the exact night of the last full moon. No, I couldn’t have, I think. But then again, I cannot be sure, since I do not remember.

I must figure this equation out before the next full moon. To go another night without being aware of what is taking place might push me over the edge of sanity I’m already teetering over that cliff as it is.

Looking over my list of previous ingredients, I began making changes where I felt they were needed. It had been two long years since I had been bitten, two years within which I have lost my only living relatives - my brother and his family. I was hopeful that should I succeed in my mission to create a potion that would either cure the disease or tame the beast, I would be able to make amends with him; although that hope was very unlikely.

Five ounces of armadillo bile
Two drops of pomegranate juice
Three pinches of powdered moonstone
One ounce of bitter orange oil
Five valerian roots, chopped
Eight leaves of hellebore, minced
Half ounce of roughly ground jade
Thirteen leaves of aconite, finely shredded
Eight ounces of wormwood infusion
Half ounce of finely powdered tourmaline
Three drops of peppermint oil
Four pinches of grated ginger
One ounce of blessed thistle tincture
Six drops of iris decoction
One and a half ounces of honeysuckle tincture
Three and one fourth ounce of lilac infusion

Viewing my list, the two ingredients that stand out the most are the valerian root and hellebore; these two are both also used in the Draught of Living Death and I have to wonder if it is because of these two ingredients in the amount that is present that has caused my most recent memory loss.

I decide that this is a probable theory and change the ingredient amounts.

Three valerian roots, chopped
Five leaves of hellebore, minced

I wipe away the sweat beads that have started to form on my brow and check the list again. Is there anything that is present that may not react properly with the other ingredients at the current levels? There are none that jump out at me at this moment. However, I do realize that I have both blessed thistle and iris within my concoction which is unnecessary seeing as they both cleanse the blood. The thistle is the better choice of the two, since it also eliminates toxins. I remove the iris decoction from the formula.

Now it’s just a matter of delicately brewing the ingredients, using exact timing to add them and then stirring the proper amount of times both clockwise and counter-clockwise. It is going to be a very long week full of anxious waiting to see if the potion is brewed to my specifications, but I cannot help to feel as though I am close to a break-through. I have to be close, I have to be…