The Little Bear by Kihin Ranno

Part Five: Decisions Made

It was a good day.

The sun shone bright upon the Golden Kingdom, poking through the canopy of leaves in its surrounding forest. Machk could imagine that the very ground glittered on a day like this. Birdsong seemed sweeter than he remembered, and Shilah’s movements felt more assured and graceful beneath him. The air felt as fresh as ambrosia and everything felt at peace.

It was a good day when Kunzite was not around.

Aineas reached around and cuffed Machk on the back of his head, the ring on his left hand snagging on a rough curl and pulling out some strands of hair. Machk was in a good enough mood to refrain from snarling. “You look like a damn idiot with that grin on your face.”

“I believe that is actually my line when you insist on talking about Rasia’s growing belly.”

Purposefully ignoring the irony of the moment, Aineas showed his teeth in a wide smile. “Did I tell you we felt him kick?”

“Only three times since we mounted. Twice when we were saddling them.”

“I’m still waiting for the right reaction.”

“The right reaction would be for me to pound your head into the ground until you agree to stop mentioning it,” Machk said lightly. “However, since a certain leader of the Four is not here, I see no reason to engage in violence.”

Aineas chuckled, patting Epona’s warm brown neck. The bay mare was getting older, but she was just as gentle and loving as she had ever been. It would be a few years yet before she’d be a swayback and those chocolate eyes would turn cloudy. But she limped now thanks to an injury several years before. She was little more than a broodmare now, but she always had good, strong sons like Shilah.

“You really are in a disturbingly good mood when Kunzite’s away.”

“Can you blame me?”

Aineas said nothing because of course, no one could.

They continued their leisurely walk through the forest of Elysion, trading stories and laughing about nothing of consequence. It was a peaceful indulgence Machk could rarely indulge in. Kunzite and the rest of the Four oversaw their training, and it was a grueling, sometimes lethal experience. Since they had left with King Endymion on a diplomatic mission to the South, they had put Jasper in charge.

He had worked them harder, but it had been better and more focused than the drills Kunzite put them through. Jasper was far cleverer than the man he would one day replace, and far more understanding of what they needed. And so, when he had risen that morning and gone to the sparring ring to find Endymion, Zoisite, and Nephrite gazing at him with pleading eyes (and Jadeite standing back with poorly feigned indifference), he had agreed to let them have the day off.

This was one of many things that made Machk regret his haste in condemning Jasper all those years ago.

Machk and Aineas continued their leisurely ride for another half an hour or so when suddenly Acel appeared directly in their path. It was nothing short of luck and the fact that Machk and Shilah had known each other for so long that kept the stallion from rearing and trampling Acel to death.

“Damn it,” Machk growled, his good mood quickly fouling. “What the hell’s the matter with you, Acel? You ought to know better than to teleport onto the path.”

Acel’s light green eyes, usually sharp and bright, looked dull and shadowed. There was something grim in the set of his mouth, and the dark circles he always seemed to have from playing piano by candlelight seemed more pronounced than Machk recalled them being that morning. Katsuo always made fun of him for being slow, but even Machk could tell that something wasn’t right.

“Acel?”

The slight, smaller boy swallowed. “You need to come back.”

Machk opened his mouth to question Acel further, but Aineas rested a heavy hand on Machk’s shoulder. It stilled the query for the time being. Biting his lip, Machk reached out and pulled Acel on to the saddle. Once he was settled, Aineas and Machk took off for the castle at a full gallop, taking a treacherous path at a speed Jasper surely would have scolded him for.

Acel clung to Machk’s waist tightly, but somehow, Machk knew he wasn’t scared.

They reached the castle in record time, and Machk very nearly tumbled out of his saddle when he saw his friends at the front gate. Queen Petra, a woman Machk had always admired for imposing kindness, looked like a small child in her son’s arms. She wept bitterly, her hands grasping at his neck with cuts from where her nails had scraped against the flesh. Endymion looked pale and his eyes red, but he seemed to stare out at nothing, his hands mechanically patting and rubbing his mother’s back. Jasper was crouched beside them, one hand on his master’s shoulder while he whispered what Machk could only assume was meant to soothe the shattered pair. Katsuo stood apart with his back to them all, rigid and trembling.

Once Acel had dismounted, Machk leapt to the ground, handing the reins off to a dazed servant. He strode up to Katsuo and caught the man by the elbows. They quivered in his grasp.

“Katsuo, what happened?”

The blond did not answer him, refusing to meet his gaze.

Grating his teeth, Machk shook his friend as if hoping the answer would fall out of his pockets. “Katsuo!”

With a sudden snarl, Katsuo threw himself backwards and stalked off. Machk heard Acel sigh behind him and watched the younger boy run after the fifteen-year-old who may as well have been his brother. Only Acel had a chance of calming Katsuo down at the moment. Machk realized he would have only added fuel to a fire he couldn’t see.

Machk spun around, unsurprised to find Jasper standing behind him. He looked surprisingly solid, impenetrable. Whatever had shaken the foundations of everyone else had left him steady, although his emerald eyes did not seem as assured as the rest of him.

“Jasper, if you don’t tell me what is going on, I swear, someone is going to get hit,” Machk threatened quietly, gnashing his teeth.

“It’s the King,” Jasper said, answering without hesitation but with a softness that didn’t match the sharp lines of his jaw. “He’s dead.”

All at once, Machk felt the world begin to spin away beneath his feet. His mouth went dry and he stumbled into Aineas’s side. The older man held him up, but only just.

“The diplomatic mission went as planned,” Jasper continued, not waiting to be prompted. “But on the way back, a group of Southern exiles who opposed the work they had done attacked.” He swallowed. “He fought bravely. He died with his sword in his hand.”

Machk tried to swallow, but his throat would not obey. He asked the only question that could be left, his voice cracking from adolescence and grief. “The Four?”

“They survived,” Jasper murmured, almost coldly. “They failed.”

Machk hung his head, knowing what that meant. It had been the mission of King Endymion’s guard to protect him, and if they had lived through the attack that claimed his life, saying that they had failed was an understatement. More to the point, it was a tradition in the Golden Kingdom that any surviving members of the Four would take their own lives after losing their king. They would go off into the wilderness and fall upon their swords, joining the man they had lived for and had failed to die for.

Machk grieved for them. He grieved for the King’s wisdom and benevolence. He grieved for Zoisite’s tactical mind and his healing hands. He grieved for Jadeite, the man who should have been their leader. And he grieved for Nephrite, his trainer and his friend, whose laugh Machk would no longer here echoing throughout the halls of the Golden Palace.

He did not grieve for Kunzite.

“I’d better go to Rasia,” Aineas murmured, moving away from Machk only when certain he wouldn’t topple. “Will you be all right?”

Machk knew what Aineas wanted, perhaps needed, to hear, but he couldn’t bring himself to lie. He’d never been good at it, and even for this, he respected Aineas too much to twist the truth. He decided it was better to not answer the question.

“It was supposed to be a good day.”

-----

That night, although in a way they needed him, Machk and the others left Endymion alone. They recognized that Queen Petra would require his presence more. Losing her husband would make her cling to the boy who was half of him. Endymion wouldn’t like it, but he would endure it for her sake. They wouldn’t make it harder by imposing their needs upon him too.

Katsuo, Acel, and Machk all sat in the clearing that had been a feature in so many parts of their lives. They formed a crescent on the ground, leaving a space for Jasper who they knew would be along shortly. Machk and Katsuo passed a bottle of ale between them. Acel had taken one sip and turned green, so he declined any more.

“I never saw it coming,” Machk whispered, pointedly refusing to turn his eyes to the treacherous stars. “I’ve gone over every cryptic thing they ever said to me in my head, but I know they never told me this.”

“Maybe they didn’t see it either,” Acel suggested.

Machk shook his head. “The stars know… everything.”

Katsuo burped quietly. “But do they tell you everything?”

“Apparently not.”

Acel drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “Why wouldn’t they tell you something like that? It’s important…. Shouldn’t they tell you important things?”

“Yes,” Machk grumbled, snatching the bottle out of Katsuo’s hands. “They should.”

Machk would have been pleased to let the subject drop, so it was of no surprise to him that Katsuo hung on to it. “Maybe they want to hurt you.”

Acel swung his head around, scolding him like a palace maid. “Katsuo!”

“It’s true,” Katsuo snapped, acid dripping from his tone like water. “They’ve never said anything that hasn’t caused you grief.”

Machk did his best to leash his temper. Jasper had warned him that Katsuo would try to bait him, that he’d want to get into a fight to channel his frustration. He had done all but order Machk not to give in. So he swallowed the retort he wanted to give, tucked his hands beneath his knees, and said, “I don’t tell you everything they say.”

“I know they didn’t tell you anything good that first night,” Katsuo hissed. “Why else would you have gotten so upset?”

“Maybe because he was hearing voices,” Acel broke in. “I’d find that pretty upsetting.”

Katsuo ignored him. “What did they tell you that night?”

Machk’s face was beginning to ache with the effort it took not to lash out. “That you would trip Helios at the ceremony and that you wouldn’t be whipped.”

Katsuo made a sound more acceptable for a feral dog. “But that’s not everything.”

Knowing what he was going for, both Acel and Machk went stiff. “Katsuo, don’t,” Acel said, his voice caught between begging and warning.

“What else did they tell you, Machk?”

“Katsuo,” Machk began, his voice rumbling like a volcano ready to blow. “If you don’t back off right now, I promise that I will beat your head into the ground.”

Acel whirled, his blond curls getting caught in his mouth. “Machk, please. Jasper said—"

“Jasper’s not here,” Machk reminded him.

Katsuo got to his feet and stalked forward. “Didn’t your precious stars also tell you what happened to your mother?”

Without thinking, Machk heaved the bottle still half full of ale behind him, preparing to bring it down on Katsuo’s head so that he wouldn’t have to hear anything more said.

But just as the glass would have impacted Katsuo’s skull, Machk felt it fly out of his hand. All three of the boys turned to see Jasper standing on the crest of the hill, his hand outstretched. He caught the bottle easily, twisting off the cap and taking a swig himself before calmly walking toward them. He gave both Katsuo and Machk a measured, even look before asking, “Am I interrupting something?”

Machk and Katsuo turned to glare at each other for a minute. Katsuo’s shoulders twitched, aching to launch himself down on Machk, while Machk kept flexing his fingers into fists. Finally, Katsuo took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets. He turned and stalked back to where he had sat.

“Apparently not,” Jasper concluded, sounding tired. He finished walking to the group and took his place where they expected too. He brushed his arm against Machk’s, and it was enough for Machk to know that he wouldn’t be held accountable – that none of them would be held accountable for anything they did that night short of killing each other.

Relaxing a little, Acel asked the question they each would have been burning to voice had it not been for their tempers. “Is Endymion all right?”

Jasper furrowed his pale brow, considering. “As all right as one can be when one loses their father, I suppose.”

They all nodded. One way or another, they had all experienced loss. Endymion had been shielded for fifteen years. In a way, Machk wondered if Endymion was lucky.

“He’s looking after Queen Petra at the moment,” Jasper said. Then he paused and took another long swig of the ale. “That isn’t what delayed me.”

Katsuo hung his head slightly. “They found the bodies.”

Jasper hesitated, and that silence spoke volumes.

“Jasper?” Acel asked.

“I have seen them,” Jasper began cautiously, eyeing them each with trepidation. “They were retrieved this morning, even before we heard what had happened.”

Katsuo folded his arms. “Jasper, there’s obviously something you want to tell us. Out with it.”

Jasper shut his brilliant grey eyes. He looked like a mourning ghost. “There were only three.”

This wave of knowledge passed over them like a tidal wave. Acel’s mouth hung open. Katsuo held his features as still as possible, his mouth twitching under the strain. Machk simply sat there, not having to wonder who the missing corpse belonged too.

“It appears…” Jasper elaborated, “that Kunzite has fled.”

The fury began below his rib cage. His muscles tightened and constricted against his bones. The anger in the pit of his stomach rose like sick bile, burning through his insides until it reached his throat. Then Machk launched himself to his feet as if yanked by the shoulders. He threw his head back and let out an enraged howl that echoed across the land. He pictured that the rocks shook with his voice, that the animals he cherished fled to the shadows to avoid his fury.

He felt something spark, heard a crackle, saw a tree burst into flames.

Acel and Katsuo leapt to their feet, each scrambling to put out the fire before it spread. Jasper merely held out a hand to stop their movement. The group watched the tree burn for a full three minutes before it snuffed itself out. It never touched another piece of wildlife, and they had seen no birds topple from its branches.

Machk stood there, gulping in air until his lungs felt ready to burst. Then he let out another, quieter shout, tearing his hands through his mass of auburn hair. “Coward! Cowardly bastard!”

“I’d wondered if he’d go through with it,” Katsuo muttered darkly.

“It’s not fair,” Acel said, his voice surprisingly bitter. “Jadeite, Zoisite, Nephrite... they were good men. Better that they had lived and Kunzite had—"

Jasper shook his head. “If they had lived, they would have been merely shells of what they had once been. The guilt of losing their king would have destroyed anything we loved about them. Better they left this world, not as a punishment, but a release.” He paused, glancing down at the bottle in his lap. “Kunzite would not have understood that.”

“No,” Machk growled. “He only ever saw death as a punishment. It’s all he used it for.”

He saw Jasper straighten, and Machk wondered if the grey boy, who knew more about his hatred for Kunzite than anyone, was on the cusp of understanding what Machk had kept buried for so long.

“There’s nothing to be done now,” Jasper said quickly, hoping to eclipse any other reactions. “He’s made his decision. No town will accept him, no kingdom will offer him refuge. He has dishonored himself completely. He may as well be dead.”

“But he’s not,” Machk snapped.

Jasper narrowed his eyes. “It sounds like you’re treating death as a punishment as well.”

“Don’t do that!” Machk demanded. “Don’t compare me to him!”

“Then don’t act like him,” Jasper said harshly, rising to his feet. “You’re a better man than him already. Don’t sink down to his level.”

Machk pounded his fists against his thighs. “I don’t care about that! I understand why it was better for the others, but Kunzite should have died for all the horrible things he’s done. Death is a punishment for him, and it’s less than he deserves.”

Acel began to look nervous. “Machk, I know you didn’t like him… I know you hated him, but he doesn’t deserve to die.”

“Stupid Acel!” Machk raged. “You don’t know anything!”

“Machk,” Jasper ground out. “Stop.”

“Why? He’s being—"

“It’s not his fault,” Jasper snapped. “Don’t blame him because you’re angry at someone else. I’ve told you a hundred times that Acel is not your punching bag, and I mean it.”

“What don’t we know?” Katsuo asked suddenly.

Jasper looked very much like he wanted to throttle someone. “Katsuo, now is not the time.”

“You don’t even know what he’s talking about,” Katsuo insisted. “None of us do.”

Jasper turned and rose to his full height, reminding Katsuo that he was three years older and at least three more times stronger. “You are doing this on purpose because you like to see others suffer when you suffer. I know you miss Jadeite. I know he was like a father to you, but if you care about Machk at all you will let this go!”

“No,” Machk called out. “No, it’s fine. I don’t care. I don’t care if he doesn’t care about me, and I don’t care if I tell you.”

Jasper sighed and turned. “Don’t do this. Don’t say your secrets because you’re upset. You’ll regret it in the end.”

“The only reason I didn’t say anything was because of Kunzite,” Machk said, deciding this was true. “He’s gone now. Why does it matter?”

“It matters because you are letting him manipulate you even now,” Jasper implored. “Tell us because you want us to help. Not because you want to vent your anger.”

They stood in tense silence, waiting for his decision. Even the wind grew still and silent, waiting for his admission or waiting for him to turn and walk away. He would either tell them the dark truth about why he really hated Kunzite, or he would keep it to himself for however long he chose.

Later, he wouldn’t know exactly why he did what he did. Maybe he didn’t want to see the looks behind their expressions, always wondering what he didn’t tell them that night. Or maybe Jasper was right and he was so angry he couldn’t have rationalized his way out of telling them. But whatever the case, the words spilled from his lips like a breaking dam. Perhaps nothing could have stopped this secret coming to light in this clearing, a revelation beneath the stars that had told him nothing but the truth seven years ago.

“Kunzite killed my mother.”

Acel and Katsuo both reeled, their minds immediately going back to the night when the stars began to tell their secrets, suddenly realizing the implications of Machk’s grief and Machk’s rage against Kunzite that had never lessened, never waned since they had known him. Jasper simply closed his eyes in sadness. For Machk, for his mother, for himself… it wasn’t clear. But the grief was chiseled onto his features and fixed in Machk’s mind forever.

All of a sudden, Machk began to tremble. Before he knew what he was doing, he turned and walked away, disappearing into the trees. He heard Acel call his name, heard Jasper quietly tell him to stop, heard Katsuo hold fast to his silence. And he felt their eyes on his back as he vanished into the trees.

And when he was far enough away, he sobbed. He couldn’t remember crying like this since the night he knew his mother was gone. He’d sniffled; he’d shed a few tears. But he had never felt like his body was rebelling, never felt like his soul was being torn apart for nearly a decade. Now he stood alone in the forest, crying like an eight-year-old boy.

So he grieved for Zoisite, the quiet outsider no one really knew. He cried for Jadeite, the man who should have led. He cried for Nephrite, who had understood him and yet been so blind to what he needed. He cried for King Endymion, a good man and a good ruler. He cried for his mother, Queen Isuza, who had been taken from him too soon.

And he cried for Kunzite too, because Machk was going to kill him.

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