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Reviews on The Genesis of an Obligatory Psychotic Jackass by Kihin Ranno
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Review by Heavenly Pearl |
2006-06-21
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Even though I've never seen the show, I loved this story. The characters are vibrant. the descriptions wonderful -- I really liked how you compared Lilly's dress to "clouds and razorblades"; it doesn't make much sense, yet it does -- and the reactions to Lilly's murder were realistic without going off the deep end into melodrama although it easily could.
Since you said this was unedited, and you know how much I love proofreading your work, here are a few things you might want to correct:
Logan swallowed but held his devilish grin on his face. "Oh, I'm not am I?" - comma before "am"
I cant, I can't, I can't... - appostrophe in cant
"Yeah, well don't find a reason," Logan said darkly. - comma after "well"
I'm not some witch who put a spell on you Logan. - comma before Logan
he would have scene a solitary Wine Cup - seen
"Make up" should be hyphenated whenever it's used, or otherwise, it sounds like making up after a fight instead of stuff you put on your face.
I think that's about it.
Also, Colin Farrell isn't dead to my knowledge, so how can Lilly be cheating on River Phoenix with him in heaven? That line didn't make much sense to me. I think it would be better to replace Colin Farell with some other dead celebrity, unless it's supposed to be some allusion to the show, in which case, just ignore me. ^_^
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Author's response:
Yay no melodrama! :D That makes me happy. And I was fond of that description myself. One of my better moments I think. *toots horn*
I will make those corrections straight away. Thank you, sweets.
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Review by Starsea |
2006-06-18
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This is a very intense read and a little wearying after a while. At first, you are with Logan, but gradually you begin to understand exactly why he was "too much" for Lilly. His unrelenting misery and anger is very difficult to read, let alone experience. You make his hostility understandable without being excusable, from his dislike of tuxedos to his desperation to avoid sleep. It's a rather hopeless story, but then Logan is a hopeless character, so it fits him.
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Author's response:
Logan is rather hopeless at this point, and he sees himself as hopeless. Logan was all wrapped up in Lilly, and when she's gone, he has no idea what to do with himself, which results in this downward spiral. I won't say that Logan is hopeless forever, but he is very, very damaged. You'll see that as you see the reruns in S2, although a lot of his bitterness there is accompanied by what happens with Veronica. But you saw the premiere where Logan still refers to Lilly as his girlfriend and the love of his life after she's been dead for a year and a half. I think at least a part of Logan is always going to be in love with Lilly, and in that aspect, maybe he is a bit hopeless.
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Review by December |
2006-06-09
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This was a pretty intense piece! Having not seen any of Veronica Mars, I can't comment much on the story from an "informed" point of view, but there were a few things that struck me.
First, this story does a great job of painting pictures. Even without the benefit of knowing the series, I could see the scenes and characters clearly, espeically Lilly and Logan. You also made these characters layered. Although Logan on the surface seemed obssessed and asshole-ish, he wasn't someone that you could write off. Also, Lilly, as filtered through Logan, seemed a deeper and more complex person than even Logan was aware. But, how much of this Lilly is Logan working through his own issues and how much of this Lilly is actually Lilly?
Second, the story hooks you in early. Starting with the dream was a very nice touch...especially since reality and dreaming seem to mix a lot throughout the course of this story.
My lack of knowledge of VM, and the relations and occupations of some of the characters aside, the only thing that threw me was the constant mention of the 09ers (I'm assuming this relates to the class of 2009? At first I thought it was a typo for others.). It may not be something that you would need to fix for people in the fandom to understand, but maybe a footnote or something to help new readers understand the reference.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this story. It made me think that I should maybe start watching VM myself.
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Author's response:
I'm happy to hear about what you took away from Logan and Lilly as they're probably two of my favorite characters in the series. Lilly is definitely my favorite, and the series starts with her dead, so I think that says something about the writing and the strength of both the character and the actress. As for what's Lilly and what's just Logan's perceptions of Lilly... Well, I leave that up to the reader. There is no definitive answer. It's one of the few times I haven't really defined it. It depends on how much supernatual belief you have in it. Personally, I like to think that Logan is using his dreams as another way to torture himself about Lilly's death, but I'm not going to say that people who think that Lilly's spirit is with him are wrong. In the first season, Veronica saw Lilly a lot while she was trying to figure out her who murdered her, and her brother Duncan saw her when he was coming down off of a prescription drug.
Side note, the Lilly's killer was mentioned in this story... but I won't say who. ^.~
09ers refers to the rich kids living in Neptune, California. There are two zip codes in the county, and one houses the impoverished and the other houses the privileged. The rich kids zip code is 90909, thus, they refer to themselves as 09ers. ^^
Thanks very much for the review, and I hope that you do start watching VM! :D It's a fantastic show with wonderful dialogue and characters that I could never do justice to. Glad you enjoyed!
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